#and yet a lot of women will still passively date men in this day and age without ever interrogating the shit out of them

[iceyrukia]

For a good portion of women, their lives are too attached and intertwined with men to ever actually hold them accountable. It's why so many women's anger is subdued or they look the other way when men act like scumbags - all of this meek behavior all because in their back of their minds they want a future where they're on good terms with men and that means not being to "harsh" on them or else they won't have that.

[potteresque-ire]

Can you talk more about the usage of the word "wife" to talk about men in the BL context? I've noticed it in BJYX (particularly with GG), in the (English translations) of MDZS, and then it came up in your recent posts about Danmei-101 (which were super helpful btw) with articles connecting the "little fresh meat" type to fans calling an actor "wife." My initial reaction as a westerner is like "this is very problematic," but I think I'm missing a lot of language/cultural context. Any thoughts?

Hello! First of all, for those who’re interested, here’s a link to the referred posts. Under the cut is arguably the 4th post of the series. As usual, I apologise for the length!

(Topics: seme and uke; more about “leftover women”; roster of feminisation terms; Daji, Bao Si & the origin of BJYX; roster of beautiful, ancient Chinese men; Chairman Mao (not part of the roster) ...)

[TW: feminisation of men]

In the traditional BL characterisation, the M/M (double male) lead pairing is essentially a cis-het relationship in disguise, in which one of the M leads is viewed as the “wife” by the creator and audience. This lead often possesses some of the features of the traditional, stereotypical female, but retaining his male appearance. 

In BL terms, the “wife” is the “uke”. “Seme” and “uke” are the respective roles taken by the two male leads, and designated by the creator of the material. Literally, “seme” (攻め) means the dominant, the attacking / aggressive partner in the relationship and “uke” (受け), the passive / recipient (of actions) partner who tends to follow the seme’s lead. The terms themselves do not have any sexual / gender context.  However, as male and female are viewed as aggressive and passive by their traditional social roles, and the attacker and recipient by their traditional sexual roles respectively, BL fandoms have long assigned uke, the passive, sexual “bottom”, as the “woman”, the “wife”. 

Danmei has kept this “semi” and uke” tradition from BL, taking the kanji of the Japanese terms for designation ~ 攻 (”attack” is therefore the “husband”, and 受 (”receive”), the “wife”. The designations are often specified in the introduction / summary of Danmei works as warning / enticement. For MDZS, for example, MXTX wrote:

高貴冷豔悶騷 攻 × 邪魅狂狷風騷 受

高貴冷豔悶騷 攻 = noble, coolly beautiful and boring seme (referring to LWJ)  邪魅狂狷風騷 受 = devilishly charming, wild, and flirty uke (referring to WWX) 

The traditional, stereotypical female traits given to the “uke”, the “wife” in Danmei and their associated fanworks range from their personality to behaviour to even biological functions. Those who have read the sex scenes in MDZS may be aware of their lack of mention of lube, while WWX was written as getting (very) wet from fluids from his colon (腸道) ~ implying that his colon, much like a vagina, was supplying the necessarily lubrication for sex. This is obviously biologically inaccurate; however, Danmei is exempt from having to be realistic by its original Tanbi definition. The genre’s primary audience is cishet females, and sex scenes such as this one aren’t aiming for realism. Rather, the primary goal of these sex scenes is to generate fantasy, and the purpose of the biologically female functions in one of the leads (WWX) is to ease the readers into imagining themselves as the one engaging in the sex.

Indeed, these practices of assigning as males and female the M/M sexual top and bottom, of emphasising of who is the top and who is the bottom, have been falling out of favour in Western slash fandoms ~ I joined fandom about 15 years ago, and top and bottom designations in slash pairings (and fights about them) were much more common than it is now.  The generally more open, more progressive environments in which Western fandomers are immersed in probably have something to do with it: they transfer their RL knowledge, their views on biology, on different social into their fandom works and discourses. 

I’d venture to say this: in the English-speaking fandoms, fandom values and mainstream values are converging. “Cancel culture” reflects an attempt to enforce RL values in the fictional worlds in fandom. Fandom culture is slowly, but surely, leaving its subculture status and becoming part of mainstream culture. 

I’d hesitate to call c-Danmei fandoms backward compared to Western slash for this reason. There’s little hope for Danmei to converge with China’s mainstream culture in the short term ~ the necessity of replacing Danmei with Dangai in visual media already reflects that. Danmei is and will likely remain subculture in the foreseeable future, and subcultures, at heart, are protests against the mainstream. Unless China and the West define “mainstream” very similarly (and they don’t), it is difficult to compare the “progressiveness”—and its dark side, the “problematic-ness”—of the protests, which are shaped by what they’re protesting against. The “shaper” in this scenario, the mainstream values and culture, are also far more forceful under China’s authoritarian government than they are in the free(-er) world. 

Danmei, therefore, necessarily takes on a different form in China than BL or slash outside China. As a creative pursuit, it serves to fulfil psychological needs that are reflective of its surrounding culture and sociopolitical environment. The genre’s “problematic” / out of place aspects in the eyes of Western fandoms are therefore, like all other aspects of the genre, tailor-made by its millions of fans to be comforting / cathartic for the unique culture and sociopolitical background it and they find themselves in. 

I briefly detoured to talk about the Chinese government’s campaign to pressure young, educated Chinese women into matrimony and motherhood in the post for this reason, as it is an example of how, despite Western fandoms’ progressiveness, they may be inadequate, distant for c-Danmei fans. Again, this article is a short and a ... morbidly-entertaining read on what has been said about China’s “leftover women” (剩女) — women who are unmarried and over 27-years-old). I talked about it, because “Women should enter marriage and parenthood in their late 20s” may no longer a mainstream value in many Western societies, but where it still is, it exerts a strong influence on how women view romance, and by extension, how they interact with romantic fiction, including Danmei.

In China, this influence is made even stronger by the fact that Chinese tradition  places a strong emphasis on education and holds a conservative attitude towards romance and sex. Dating while studying therefore remains discouraged in many Chinese families. University-educated Chinese women therefore have an extremely short time frame — between graduation (~23 years old) and their 27th birthday — to find “the right one” and get married, before they are labelled as “leftovers” and deemed undesirable. (Saving) face being an important aspect in Chinese culture introduces yet another layer of pressure: traditionally, women who don’t get married by the age agreed by social norms have been viewed as failures of upbringing, in that the unmarried women’s parents not having taught/trained their daughters well. Filial, unmarried women therefore try to get married “on time” just to avoid bringing shame to their family.

The outcome is this: despite the strong women characters we may see in Chinese visual media, many young Chinese women nowadays do not expect themselves to be able to marry for love. Below, I offer a “book jacket summary” of a popular internet novel in China, which shows how the associated despair also affects cis-het fictional romance. Book reviews praise this novel for being “boring”: the man and woman leads are both common working class people, the “you-and-I”’s; the mundaneness of them trying build their careers and their love life is lit by one shining light: he loves her and she loves him. 

Written in her POV, this summary reflects, perhaps, the disquiet felt by many contemporary Chinese women university graduates:

曾經以為，自己這輩子都等不到了—— 世界這麼大，我又���得這麼慢，要是遇不到良人要怎麼辦？早過了「全球三十幾億男人，中國七億男人，天涯何處無芳草」的猖狂歲月，越來越清楚，循規蹈矩的生活中，我們能熟悉進而深交的異性實在太有限了，有限到我都做好了「接受他人的牽線，找個適合的男人慢慢煨熟，再平淡無奇地進入婚姻」的準備，卻在生命意外的拐彎處迎來自己的另一半。

I once thought, my wait will never come to fruition for the rest of my life — the world is so big, I’m so slow in treading it, what if I’ll never meet the one? I’ve long passed the wild days of thinking “3 billion men exist on Earth, 0.7 of which are Chinese. There is plenty more fish in the sea.” I’m seeing, with increasing clarity, that in our disciplined lives, the number of opposite-sex we can get to know, and get to know well, is so limited. It’s so limited that I’m prepared to accept someone’s matchmaking, find a suitable man and slowly, slowly, warm up to him, and then, to enter marriage with without excitement, without wonder. But then, an accidental turn in my life welcomes in my other half.

— Oath of Love (餘生，請多指教) (Yes, this is the novel Gg’d upcoming drama is based on.) 

Heteronormativity is, of course, very real in China. However, that hasn’t exempted Chinese women, even its large cis-het population, from having their freedom to pursue their true love taken away from them. Even for cis-het relationships, being able to marry for love has become a fantasy —a fantasy scorned by the state. Remember this quote from Article O3 in the original post? 

耽改故事大多远离现实，有些年轻受众却将其与生活混为一谈，产生不以结婚和繁衍为目的才是真爱之类的偏颇认知。

Most Dangai stories are far removed from reality; some young audience nonetheless mix them up with real life, develop biased understanding such as “only love that doesn’t treat matrimony and reproduction as destinations is true love”. 

I didn’t focus on it in the previous posts, in an effort to keep the discussion on topic. But why did the op-ed piece pick this as an example of fantasy-that-shouldn’t-be-mixed-up-with-real-life, in the middle of a discussion about perceived femininity of men that actually has little to do with matrimony and reproduction? 

Because the whole point behind the state’s “leftover women” campaign is precisely to get women to treat matrimony and reproduction as destinations, not beautiful sceneries that happen along the way. And they’re the state’s destination as more children = higher birth rate that leads to higher future productivity. The article is therefore calling out Danmei for challenging this “mainstream value”.

Therefore, while the statement True love doesn’t treat matrimony and reproduction as destinations may be trite for many of us while it may be a point few, if any, English-speaking fandoms may pay attention to, to the mainstream culture Danmei lives in, to the mainstream values dictated by the state, it is borderline subversive.

As much as Danmei may appear “tame” for its emphasis on beauty and romance, for it to have stood for so long, so firmly against China’s (very) forceful mainstream culture, the genre is also fundamentally rebellious.  Remember: Danmei has little hope of converging with China’s mainstream unless it “sells its soul” and removes its homoerotic elements. 

With rebelliousness, too, comes a bit of tongue-in-cheek.

And so, when c-Danmei fans, most of whom being cishet women who interact with the genre by its traditional BL definition, call one of the leads 老婆 (wife), it can and often take on a different flavour. As said before, it can be less about feminizing the lead than about identifying with the lead. The nickname 老婆 (wife) can be less about being disrespectful and more about humorously expressing an aspiration—the aspiration to have a husband who truly loves them, who they do want to get married and have babies with but out of freedom and not obligation.

Admittedly, I had been confused, and bothered by these “can-be”s myself. Just because there are alternate reasons for the feminisation to happen doesn’t mean the feminisation itself is excusable. But why the feminisation of M/M leads doesn’t sound as awful to me in Chinese as in English? How can calling a self-identified man 老婆 (wife) get away with not sounding being predominantly disrespectful to my ears, when I would’ve frowned at the same thing said in my vicinity in English?

I had an old hypothesis: when I was little, it was common to hear people calling acquaintances in Chinese by their unflattering traits:  “Deaf-Eared Chan” (Mr Chan, who’s deaf), “Fat Old Woman Lan” (Ah-Lan, who’s an overweight woman) etc—and the acquaintances were perfectly at ease with such identifications, even introducing themselves to strangers that way. Comparatively speaking then, 老婆 (wife) is harmless, even endearing. 

老婆, which literally means “old old-lady” (implying wife = the woman one gets old with), first became popularised as a colloquial, casual way of calling “wife” in Hong Kong and its Cantonese dialect, despite the term itself being about 1,500 years old. As older generations of Chinese were usually very shy about talking about their love lives, those who couldn’t help themselves and regularly spoke of their 老婆 tended to be those who loved their wives in my memory. 老婆, as a term, probably became endearing to me that way. 

Maybe this is why the feminisation of M/M leads didn’t sound so bad to me?

This hypothesis was inadequate, however. This custom of identifying people by their (unflattering) traits has been diminishing in Hong Kong and China, for similar reasons it has been considered inappropriate in the West.

Also, 老婆 (wife) is not the only term used for / associated with feminisation. I’ve tried to limit the discussion to Danmei, the fictional genre; now, I’ll jump to its associated RPS genre, and specifically, the YiZhan fandoms. The purpose of this jump: with real people involved, feminisation’s effect is potentially more harmful, more acute. Easier to feel. 

YiZhan fans predominantly entered the fandoms through The Untamed, and they’ve also transferred Danmei’s  “seme”/“uke” customs into YiZhan. There are, therefore, three c-YiZhan fandoms:

博君一肖 (BJYX): seme Dd, uke Gg 戰山為王 (ZSWW): seme Gg, uke Dd 連瑣反應 (LSFY): riba Gg and Dd. Riba = “reversible”, and unlike “seme” and “uke”, is a frequently-used term in the Japanese gay community. 

BJYX is by far the largest of the three, likely due to Gg having played WWX, the “uke” in MDZS / TU. I’ll therefore focus on this fandom, ie. Gg is the “uke”, the “wife”.

For Gg alone, I’ve seen him being also referred to by YiZhan fans as (and this is far from a complete list):

* 姐姐 (sister) * 嫂子 (wife of elder brother; Dd being the elder brother implied) * 妃妃 (based on the very first YiZhan CP name, 太妃糖 Toffee Candy, a portmanteau of sorts from Dd being the 太子 “prince” of his management company and Gg being the prince’s wife, 太子妃. 糖 = “candy”. 太妃 sounds like toffee in English and has been used as the latter’s Chinese translation.) * 美人 (beauty, as in 肖美人 “Beauty Xiao”) * Daji 妲己 (as in 肖妲己, “Daji Xiao”). 

The last one needs historical context, which will also become important for explaining the new hypothesis I have.

Daji was a consort who lived three thousand years ago, whose beauty was blamed for the fall of the Shang dynasty. Gg (and men sharing similar traits, who are exceptionally rare) has been compared to Daji 妲己 for his alternatively innocent, alternatively seductive beauty ~ the kind of beauty that, in Chinese historical texts and folk lores, lead to the fall of kingdoms when possessed by the king’s beloved woman. This kind of “I-get-to-ruin-her-virginity”, “she’s a slut in MY bedroom” beauty is, of course, a stereotypical fantasy for many (cis-het) men, which included the authors of these historical texts and folklores. However, it also contained some truth: the purity / innocence, the image of a virgin, was required for an ancient woman to be chosen as a consort; the seduction, meanwhile, helped her to become the top consort, and monopolise the attention of kings and emperors who often had hundreds of wives ~ wives who often put each other in danger to eliminate competition. 

Nowadays, women of tremendous beauty are still referred to by the Chinese idiom 傾國傾城, literally, ”falling countries, falling cities”. The beauty is also implied to be natural, expressed in a can’t-help-itself way, perhaps reflecting the fact that the ancient beauties on which this idiom has been used couldn’t possibly have plastic surgeries, and most of them didn’t meet a good end ~ that they had to pay a price for their beauty, and often, with their lowly status as women, as consorts, they didn’t get to choose whether they wanted to pay this price or not. This adjective is considered to be very flattering. Gg’s famous smile from the Thailand Fanmeet has been described, praised as 傾城一笑: “a smile that topples a city”.

I’m explaining Daji and 傾國傾城 because the Chinese idiom 博君一笑 “doing anything to get a smile from you”, from which the ship’s name BJYX 博君一肖  was derived (笑 and 肖 are both pronounced “xiao”), is connected to yet another of such dynasty-falling beauty, Bao Si 褒姒. Like Daji before her, Bao Si was blamed for the end of the Zhou Dynasty in 771 BC. 

The legend went like this: Bao Si was melancholic, and to get her to smile, her king lit warning beacons and got his nobles to rush in from the nearby vassal states with their armies to come and rescue him, despite not being in actual danger. The nobles, in their haste, looked so frantic and dishevelled that Bao Si found it funny and smiled. Longing to see more of the smile of his favourite woman, the king would fool his nobles again and again, until his nobles no longer heeded the warning beacons when an actual rebellion came. 

What the king did has been described as 博紅顏一笑, with 紅顏 (”red/flushed face”) meaning a beautiful woman, referring to Bao Si. Replace 紅顏 with the respectful “you”, 君, we get 博君一笑. If one searches the origin of the phrase 博 [fill_in_the_blank]一笑 online, Bao Si’s story shows up.

The “anything” in ”doing anything to get a smile from you” in 博君一笑, therefore, is not any favour, but something as momentous as giving away one’s own kingdom. c-turtles have remarked, to their amusement and admittedly mine, that “king”, in Chinese, is written as 王, which is Dd’s surname, and very occasionally, they jokingly compare him to the hopeless kings who’d give away everything for their love. Much like 傾國傾城 has become a flattering idiom despite the negative reputations of Daji and Bao Si for their “men-ruining ways”, 博君一笑 has become a flattering phrase, emphasising on the devotion and love rather than the ... stupidity behind the smile-inducing acts. 

(Bao Si’s story, BTW, was a lie made up by historians who also lived later but also thousands of years ago, to absolve the uselessness of the king. Warning beacons didn’t exist at her time.)  

Gg is arguably feminized even in his CP’s name. Gg’s feminisation is everywhere. 

And here comes my confession time ~ I’ve been amused by most of the feminisation terms above. 肖妲己 (”Daji Xiao”) captures my imagination, and I remain quite partial to the CP name BJYX. Somehow, there’s something ... somewhat forgivable when the feminisation is based on Gg’s beauty, especially in the context of the historical Danmei / Dangai setting of MDZS/TU ~ something that, while doesn’t cancel, dampens the “problematic-ness” of the gender mis-identification.

What, exactly, is this something?

Here’s my new hypothesis, and hopefully I’ll manage to explain it well ~

The hypothesis is this: the unisex beauty standard for historical Chinese men and women, which is also breathtakingly similar to the modern beauty standard for Chinese women, makes feminisation in the context of Danmei (especially historical Danmei) flattering, and easier to accept.

What defined beauty in historical Chinese men? If I am to create a classically beautiful Chinese man for my new historical Danmei, how would I describe him based on what I’ve read, my cultural knowledge?

Here’s a list:

* Skin fair and smooth as white jade * Thin, even frail; narrow/slanted shoulders; tall * Dark irises and bright, starry eyes * Not too dense, neat eyebrows that are shaped like swords ~ pointed slightly upwards from the center towards the sides of the face * Depending on the dynasty, nice makeup.

Imagine these traits. How “macho” are they? How much do they fit the ideal Chinese masculine beauty advertised by Chinese government, which looks like below?

Propaganda poster, 1969. The caption says “Defeat Imperialist US! Defeat Social Imperialism!” The book’s name is “Quotations from Mao Zedong”. (Source)

Where did that list of traits I’ve written com from? Fair like jade, frail ... why are they so far from the ... “macho”ness of the men in the poster? 

What has Chinese history said about its beautiful men? 

Wei Jie (衛玠 286-312 BCE), one of the four most beautiful ancient Chinese men (古代四大美男) recorded in Chinese history famously passed away when fans of his beauty gathered and formed a wall around him, blocking his way. History recorded Wei as being frail with chronic illness, and was only 27 years old when he died. Arguably the first historical account of “crazy fans killing their idol”, this incident left the idiom 看殺衛玠 ~ “Wei Jie being watched to death.” ~ a not very “macho” way to die at all.

潘安 (Pan An; 247-300 BCE), another one of the four most beautiful ancient Chinese men, also had hoards of fangirls, who threw fruits and flowers at him whenever he ventured outside. The Chinese idiom 擲果盈車 “thrown fruit filling a cart” was based on Pan and ... his fandom, and denotes such scenarios of men being so beautiful that women openly displayed their affections for them. 

Meanwhile, when Pan went out with his equally beautiful male friend, 夏侯湛 Xiahou Zhan, folks around them called them 連璧 ~ two connected pieces of perfect jade. Chinese Jade is white, smooth, faintly glowing in light, so delicate that it gives the impression of being somewhat transparent.

Aren’t Wei Jie and Pan An reminiscent of modern day Chinese idols, the “effeminate” “Little Fresh Meat”s (小鲜肉) so panned by Article O3? Their stories, BTW, also elucidated the historical reference in LWJ’s description of being jade-like in MDZS, and in WWX and LWJ being thrown pippas along the Gusu river bank. 

Danmei, therefore, didn’t create a trend of androgynous beauty in men as much as it has borrowed the ancient, traditional definition of masculine Chinese beauty ~ the beauty that was more feminine than masculine by modern standards.  

[Perhaps, CPs should be renamed 連璧 (”two connected pieces of perfect jade”) as a reminder of the aesthetics’ historical roots.]

Someone may exclaim now: But. But!! Yet another one of the four most beautiful ancient Chinese men, 高長恭 (Gao Changgong, 541-573 BCE), far better known by his title, 蘭陵王 (”the Prince of Lanling”), was a famous general. He had to be “macho”, right?

... As it turns out, not at all. Historical texts have described Gao as “貌柔心壮，音容兼美” (”soft in looks and strong at heart, beautiful face and voice”), “白美類婦人” (”fair and beautiful as a woman”), “貌若婦人” (”face like a woman”). Legends have it that The Prince of Lanling’s beauty was so soft, so lacking in authority that he had to wear a savage mask to get his soldiers to listen to his command (and win) on the battlefield (《樂府雜錄》: 以其顏貌無威，每入陣即著面具，後乃百戰百勝).

This should be emphasised: Gao’s explicitly feminine descriptions were recorded in historical texts as arguments *for* his beauty. Authors of these texts, therefore, didn’t view the feminisation as insult. In fact, they used the feminisation to drive the point home, to convince their readers that men like the Prince of Lanling were truly, absolutely good looking.

Being beautiful like a women was therefore high praise for men in, at least, significant periods in Chinese history ~ periods long and important enough for these records to survive until today. Beauty, and so it goes, had once been largely free of distinctions between the masculine and feminine.

One more example of an image of an ancient Chinese male beauty being similar to its female counterpart, because the history nerd in me finds this fun. 

何晏 (He Yan, ?-249 BCE) lived in the Wei Jin era (between 2nd to 4th century), during which makeup was really en vogue. Known for his beauty, he was also famous for his love of grooming himself. The emperor, convinced that He Yan’s very fair skin was from the powder he was wearing, gave He Yan some very hot foods to eat in the middle of the summer. He Yan began to sweat, had to wipe himself with his sleeves and in the process, revealed to the emperor that his fair beauty was 100% natural ~ his skin glowed even more with the cosmetics removed (《世說新語·容止第十四》: 何平叔美姿儀，面至白。魏明帝疑其傅粉，��夏月，與熱湯餅。既啖，大汗出，以朱衣自拭，色轉皎然). His kick-cosmetics’-ass fairness won him the nickname 傅粉何郎 (”powder-wearing Mr He”).

Not only would He Yan very likely be mistaken as a woman if this scene is transferred to a modern setting, but this scene can very well fit inside a Danmei story of the 21st century and is very, very likely to get axed by the Chinese censorship board for its visualisation. 

[Important observation from this anecdote: the emperor was totally into this trend too.]

The adjectives and phrases used above to describe these beautiful ancient Chinese men ~ 貌柔, 音容兼美, 白美, 美姿儀, 皎然 ~ have all become pretty much reserved for describing beauty in women nowadays. Beauty standards in ancient China were, as mentioned before, had gone through significantly long periods in which they were largely genderless. The character for beauty 美 (also in Danmei, 耽美) used to have little to no gender association. Free of gender associations as well were the names of many flowers. The characters for orchid (蘭) and lotus (蓮), for example, were commonly found in men’s names as late as the Republican era (early 20th century), but are now almost exclusively found in women’s names. Both orchid and lotus have historically been used to indicate 君子 (junzi, roughly, “gentlemen”), which have always been men. MDZS also has an example of a man named after a flower: Jin Ling’s courtesy name, given to him by WWX,  was 如蘭 (”like an orchid”). 

A related question may be this: why does ancient China associate beauty with fairness, with softness, with frailty? Likely, because Confucianist philosophy and customs put a heavy emphasis on scholarship ~ and scholars have mostly consisted of soft-spoken, not muscular, not working-under-the-sun type of men. More importantly, Confucianist scholars also occupied powerful government positions. Being, and looking like a Confucianist scholar was therefore associated with status. Indeed, it’s very difficult to look like jade when one was a farmer or a soldier, for example, who constantly had to toil under the sun, whose skin was constantly being dried and roughened by the elements. Having what are viewed as “macho” beauty traits as in the poster above ~ tanned skin, bulging muscles, bony structures (which also take away the jade’s smoothness) ~ were associated with hard labour, poverty and famine.

Along that line, 手無縛雞之力 (“hands without the strength to restrain a chicken”) has long been a phrase used to describe ancient scholars and students, and without scorn or derision. Love stories of old, which often centred around scholars were, accordingly, largely devoid of the plot lines of husbands physically protecting the wives, performing the equivalent of climbing up castle walls and fighting dragons etc. Instead, the faithful husbands wrote poems, combed their wife’s hair, traced their wife’s eyebrows with cosmetics (畫眉)...all activities that didn’t require much physical strength, and many of which are considered “feminine” nowadays.

Were there periods in Chinese history in which more ... sporty men and women were appreciated? Yes. the Tang dynasty, for example, and the Yuan and Qing dynasties. The Tang dynasty, as a very powerful, very open era in Chinese history, was known for its relations to the West (via the Silk Road). The Yuan and Qing dynasties, meanwhile, were established by Mongolians and Manchus respectively, who, as non-Han people, had not been under the influence of Confucian culture and grew up on horsebacks, rather than in schools.

The idea that beautiful Chinese men should have “macho” attributes was, therefore, largely a consequence of non-Han-Chinese influence, especially after early 20th century. That was when the characters for beauty (美), orchid (蘭), lotus (蓮) etc began their ... feminisation. The Chinese Communist Party (CCP), which started its reign of the country starting 1949, also has foreign roots, being a derivative of the Soviets, and its portrayal of ideal men has been based on the party’s ideology, painting them as members of the People’s Liberation Army (Chinese army) and its two major proletariat classes, farmers and industrial workers ~ all occupations that are “macho” in their aesthetics, but held at very poor esteem in ancient Chinese societies. All occupations that, to this day, may be hailed as noble by Chinese women, but not really deemed attractive by them.

Beauty, being an instinct, is perhaps much more resistant to propaganda.

If anything, the three terms Article O3 used to describe “effeminate” men ~ 奶油小生 “cream young men” (popularised in 1980s) , 花美男 “flowery beautiful men” (early 2000s), 小鲜肉 “little fresh meat” (coined in 2014 and still popular now) ~ only informs me how incredibly consistent the modern Chinese women’s view of ideal male beauty has been. It’s the same beauty the Chinese Communist Party has called feminine. It’s the same beauty found in Danmei. It’s the same beauty that, when witnessed in men in ancient China, was so revered that historians recorded it for their descendants to remember. It doesn’t mean there aren’t any women who appreciate the "macho” type ~ it’s just that, the appreciation for the non-macho type has never really gone out of fashion, never really changed. The only thing that is really changing is the name of the type, the name’s positive or negative connotations.

(Personally, I’m far more uncomfortable with the name “Little fresh meat” (小鲜肉) than 老婆 (wife). I find it much more insulting.)

Anyway, what I’d like to say is this: feminisation in Danmei ~ a genre that, by definition, is hyper-focused on aesthetics ~ may not be as "problematic” in Chinese as it is in English, because the Chinese tradition didn’t make that much of a differentiation between masculine and feminine beauty. Once again, this isn’t to say such mis-gendering isn’t disrespectful; it’s just that, perhaps, it is less disrespectful because Chinese still retains a cultural memory in which equating a beautiful man to a beautiful woman was the utmost flattery. 

I must put a disclaimer here: I cannot vouch for this being true for the general Chinese population. This is something that is buried deep enough inside me that it took a lot of thought for me to tease out, to articulate. More importantly, while I grow up in a Chinese-speaking environment, I’ve never lived inside China. My history knowledge, while isn’t shabby, hasn’t been filtered through the state education system.

I’d also like to point out as well, along this line of thought, that in *certain* (definitely not all) aspects, Chinese society isn’t as sexist as the West. While historically, China has periods of extreme sexism against women, with the final dynasties of Ming and Qing being examples, I must (reluctantly) acknowledge Chairman Mao for significantly lifting the status of women during his rule. Here’s a famous quote of his from 1955:

婦女能頂半邊天 Women can lift half the skies

The first marriage code, passed in 1950, outlawed forced marriages, polygamy, and ensured equal rights between husband and wife.  For the first time in centuries, women were encouraged to go outside of their homes and work. Men resisted at first, wanting to keep their wives at home; women who did work were judged poorly for their performance and given less than 50% of men’s wage, which further fuelled the men’s resistance. Mao said the above quote after a commune in Guizhou introduced the “same-work-same-wage” system to increase its productivity, and he asked for the same system to to be replicated across the country. (Source)

When Chairman Mao wanted something, it happened. Today, Chinese women’s contribution to the country’s GDP remains among the highest in the world.  They make up more than half of the country’s top-scoring students. They’re the dominant gender in universities, in the ranks of local employees of international corporations in the Shanghai and Beijing central business districts—among the most sought after jobs in the country. While the inequality between men and women in the workplace is no where near wiped out — stories about women having to sleep with higher-ups to climb the career ladder, or even get their PhDs are not unheard of, and the central rulership of the Chinese Communist Party has been famously short of women — the leap in women’s rights has been significant over the past century, perhaps because of how little rights there had been before ~ at the start of the 20th century, most Chinese women from relatively well-to-do families still practised foot-binding, in which their feet were literally crushed during childhood in the name of beauty, of status symbol. They couldn’t even walk properly.

Perhaps, the contemporary Chinese women’s economic contribution makes the sexism they encounter in their lives, from the lack of reproductive rights to the “leftover women” label, even harder to swallow. It makes their fantasies fly to even higher, more defiant heights. The popularity of Dangai right now is pretty much driven by women, as acknowledged by Article O3. Young women, especially, female fans who people have dismissed as “immature”, “crazy”, are responsible for the threat the Chinese government is feeling now by the genre.

This is no small feat. While the Chinese government complains about the “effeminate” men from Danmei / Dangai, its propaganda has been heavily reliant on stars who have risen to popularity to these genres. The film Dd is currently shooting, Chinese Peacekeeping Force (維和部隊), also stars Huang Jingyu (黄景瑜), and Zhang Zhehan (張哲瀚) ~ the three actors having shot to fame from The Untamed (Dangai), Addicted (Danmei), and Word of Honour (Dangai) respectively.  Zhang, in particular, played the “uke” role in Word of Honour and has also been called 老婆 (wife) by his fans. The quote in Article O3, “Ten years as a tough man known by none; one day as a beauty known by all” was also implicitly referring to him.

Perhaps, the government will eventually realise that millennia-old standards of beauty are difficult to bend, and by extension, what is considered appropriate gender expression of Chinese men and women. 

In the metas I’ve posted, therefore, I’ve hesitated in using terms such as homophobia, sexism, and ageism etc, opting instead to make long-winded explanations that essentially amount to these terms (thank you everyone who’s reading for your patience!). Because while the consequence is similar—certain fraction of the populations are subjected to systemic discrimination, abuse, given less rights, treated as inferior etc—these words, in English, also come with their own context, their own assumptions that may not apply to the situation. It reminds me of what Leo Tolstoy wrote in Anna Karenina,

“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

Discrimination in each country, each culture is humiliating, unhappy in its own way. Both sexism and homophobia are rampant in China, but as their roots are different from those of the West, the ways they manifest are different, and so must the paths to their dissolution. I’ve also hesitated on calling out individual behaviours or confronting individuals for this reason. i-Danmei fandoms are where i-fans and c-fans meet, where English-speaking doesn’t guarantee a non-Chinese sociopolitical background (there may be students from China, for example; I’m also ... not entirely Western), and I find it difficult to articulate appropriate, convincing arguments without knowing individual backgrounds.

Frankly, I’m not sure if I’ve done the right thing. Because I do hope feminisation will soon fade into extinction, especially in i-Danmei fandoms that, if they continue to prosper on international platforms, may eventually split from c-Danmei fandoms along the cultural (not language) line due to the vast differences in environmental constraints. My hope is especially true when real people are involved, and c-fandoms, I’d like to note, are not unaware of the issues surrounding feminisation ~ it has already been explicitly forbidden in BJYX’s supertopic on Weibo. 

At the same time, I’ve spent so many words above to try to explain why beauty can *sometimes* lurk behind such feminisations. Please allow me to end this post with one example of feminisation that I deeply dislike—and I’ve seen it used by fans on Gg as well—is 綠茶 (”green tea”), from 綠茶婊 (”green tea whore”) that means women who look pure / innocent but are, deep down, promiscuous / lustful. In some ways, its meaning isn’t so different from Daji 妲己, the consort blamed for the fall of the Shang dynasty. However, to me at least, the flattery in the feminisation is gone, perhaps because of the character “whore” (婊), because the term originated in 2013 from a notorious sex party rather than from a legendary beauty so maligned that The Investiture of the Gods (封神演義), the seminal Chinese fiction written ~2,600 years after Daji’s death, re-imagined her as a malevolent fox spirit (狐狸精) that many still remembers her as today.

Ah, to be caught between two cultures. :)

[this-is-spn20]

FLUFF ALPHABET! Sam Winchester!

A/N: Here’s Sammy boy! My small adorable baby! Let me know what you guys think about this! 

-Marissa

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A ctivities- What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Sam is a pretty laid-back man. When he sees a chance at relaxing with you, he snatches as quickly as possible. Whether it’s just walking or driving around towns, going to the local library (cause God knows the only book they have at the bunker are the Wizard of Oz books, and the men of letters’ books.), to looking up fun recipes to try with you. The man will always keep you occupied!

B eauty- What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Sam likes that despite you being very soft-spoken, you��re nowhere near dumb. You’re also very confident. Of course, you’ll still ask Sam what he thinks if you piece together a somewhat bold outfit. But you might as well call him Bruno Mars cause- well you know.

 I feel like if you are an artist of some sort, he might decide to pick up your art of choice as a hobby for when he has no research or hunts. Maybe if you draw, he’ll buy both of you sketchbooks and pencils. Or if you use a tablet he might buy you a better one. He’ll try doing simple drawings to start off with a tree or two. An eye here and there. He struggling and he’s probably gonna get a bit upset with himself if his skills don’t pick up like yours. But he’s trying really hard! If you like making music, he might ask you to play guitar. He might even ask you to teach him how to sing! But be patient, he can barely carry a tune but he’s so happy to learn! Might take him almost a year to get the hang of it, but once he does, he is an absolute Beast with some strings!

C omfort- How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Sam has anxiety himself so he knows the signs when one is coming on. He’s been around stressful things/people/events all his life. His father was abusive throughout his and Dean’s childhood. When he ran away to go to college, he had to learn to interact with new environments and people. In conclusion, the man KNOWS what anxiety is. And how to handle it. He’ll have you sit down and close your eyes. He won’t touch you just in case it makes you more nervous. He’ll breathe slowly with you, serving as a guide to get your bearings. Once you’ve slowed your breathing he knows you can’t hold anything so he gets you a glass of water with a straw and holds the glass for you. He knows you probably won’t want to eat anything so he just picks you up when you say he can, and brings you to bed, and reads you to sleep while holding you close. 

D reams- How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Sam knows for sure he wants to marry you. He also wants kids with you but the risk of being raised in the life he kept him up at night. Now don’t get him wrong, he knows that whatever happens, family will take care of it. They always do. But he’s not sure if that’s a risk worth taking. He just wants to have the apple pie life. He’d kill every monster with his bare hands just to have that with you. 

E qual- Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Sam is quite dominant in the relationship. He always takes care of everything for you. He doesn't buy into the stereotype that women should be doing everything for their partners. He tries to help you out with everything and he doesn't take no for an answer. You've known for a while that Sam's love language is Acts of Service. All he's done all his life is help people, so it just seeps into the relationship. Sure he believes that a relationship should be a healthy balance of 50\50, but at the same time, he can't help take over and take care of you. This man is just precious. 

F ight- Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Depending on what the fight was about Sam would be pretty open to forgiving you pretty quickly. However sweet Sam can be, if he believes that he has even a pinky toe to stand on in the fight, he’ll stick to it. It’s only when the shouting has gotten too much for you that you walk away that he may see where you’re coming from. Give him a or two. That way you both had time to cool down. You’ll spend the rest of the day talking it through, seeing each other’s perspectives. Even if you guys can’t agree with each other, you’ll know how to better handle the situation next time. 

G ratitude- How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Even though he mostly does mundane things for you, you try to help out as much as he’ll let you. For example, if you noticed that he has a lot of research to do, while he’s sleeping or is on a supply run, you’ll continue his research so that he’ll have more time to relax and let loose a bit more. You think he doesn’t notice but he does, and he appreciates it. It makes him feel like he hasn’t been ‘slacking off’, or that he hasn’t wasted too much time doing other things. Sometimes you’ll even finish the research and he’ll have nothing much to do for a while. Except relaxing with you of course!

H onesty- Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Sam doesn’t have to hide much from you. You’re a damn good hunter. He would even go as far as to say you were better than him and Dean. He knows damn well you can take care of yourself and that you don’t like being babied often. He knows your secrets as well as you know his. It takes a big weight off his shoulders, knowing he doesn’t have to hide who he is with you. 

I nspiration- Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

You were always an adventurous and carefree person. You always had a hard time balancing fun and work. Sometimes it got you into trouble. Sam noticed this when you two first met and as your relationship got more serious and tried to help you with the balence. By all means you aren’t magically better, but you’re learning. Sam on the other hand, had the same issue. The work and fun balance is a tricky one to master. You help Sam have more fun, like you he’s getting better at having more fun. But again it’s not going to happen overnight. Oh and you eat a salad of two once a month now!

J ealousy- Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

On the rare occasion the Sam gets extremely jealous, it's usually when someone tries to touch. Regardless of whether you let it happen (for fun) or not, he can’t help himself. He wants you all to himself. No Sharing!!

K iss- Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Sam is a very good kisser. He always kisses you like he hasn’t seen you in years. Most of the time his kisses are very rough but intimate. The first kiss was after four dates. Yes that’s a long time but you wanted to make sure you did this right with Sam. Plus he reassured you that he’d wait as long as you wanted to. You were sitting next to Sam in the Library doing some light research since most of it had gotten done earlier that week. The tension had been building up all week, you were finally ready to kiss Sam. Despite this not being your first kiss, you hadn’t kissed many people so understandably, you were nervous. You reached your arm over his and gently closed his laptop and angled your body toward his. You leaned over to him slowly, creeping your hand to his shoulder and finally your lips connected. Sam’s hand softly grabbed your hand on his shoulder and you both stayed like that until you both needed air. That was one of, if not, the most intimate moment you’ve had with Sam so far.

L ove Confession- How would they confess to their s/o?

Sam would be a bundle of nerves when he tries to confess. He’s tried to do it at least three times but each time he either got too nervous or something would interrupt him. Eventually settled for being simple, yet intimate. He had invited you to come to the library with him to sit and read for a while. It was about an hour and a half of you both being immersed in your own books that he told you he was going to the coffee shop in the bookstore to get a coffee. He got you your favorite drink. He had the barista give him a sharpie before they made your drink, then he wrote his message to you and bought you the drink when the order was done. You could see Sam was shaking and fidgeting but you couldn’t tell why.You figured you’d let him tell you when he’s ready. If only you know. You were only a few sips into your drink when you noticed some writing on the cup. Curious, you read the message which read; 

(Y/n), I have loved you from the best of times to the worst. Would you do the honor of going on a date with me?

-Sam

You sat up, a bit stunned. You looked at Sam to see him smiling shyly at you. You couldn’t do much but giggle and nod at the giant softie. 

M arriage- Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Marriage is something Sam and you have talked a lot about it. You two know you definitely want to get married but the question was when. You want to do it sooner rather than later. While Sam agrees, he also feels like that it should be a sign of both of you leaving life for good. Sam is a very nostalgic person, which means he’ll most likely recreate him asking you out and your first date. At the end of the night he’d get down on one knee and before he gets to say one word you burst into tears. When he finishes his speech, you of course say yes and the night continues...elsewhere. 

N icknames- What do they call their s/o?

Sugar is used more often than not. Baby and babygirl are pretty prevalent. Honey Bunch is used less but when he does call you that usually puppy dog eyes are shortly behind. 

O n Cloud Nine- What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

When Sam is in love it’s less obvious to everyone, but if they know Sam, they’ll notice the little things. Things like Sam now has permanent smile lines and his shoulders don’t hold so much tension anymore. If you didn’t come on a hunt with him and Dean he always has Dean stop off to get a bouquet of flowers. Of course he gets shit from Dean but he still does it everytime cause he is a good big brother.

P DA- Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

While Sam will let anyone know that you’re together (if need be), he’s pretty subtle about it. There is the subtle hand on your thigh or around your waist. Maybe a little quick forehead kiss but other than that unless they knew you, someone wouldn’t be able to guess you two are together. 

Q uirk- Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Sam has this really deep, rich, raspy type of voice. That makes him the BEST narrator ever! He often reads you to sleep when you two spend a lazy night in or if you have a nightmare. He’s there with a book you’ve been reading and he reads you a chapter or two before you’re out like a light. 

R omance- How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Sam is the KING of romance. When he plans something for you, he goes all out! When it comes to making you happy, he’ll do whatever it takes. There are almost no limits to his love. He lives by the term “Happy Wife, Happy Life.”. Sam is pretty nostalgic so he’ll be cliche, but he’ll be creative and add his own twist to it! So you could say he’s pretty creative. 

S upport- Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Sam loves learning about your goals and helping you achieve them. If you have 5 different goals, he's all there for you, helping you learn ways to achieve them quicker. If you want to. If you feel like those goals are impossible to reach, he’s there to help you see nothing’s impossible.

T hrill- Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

While Sam likes to have a solid routine, he tries to keep things *spicy* when it comes to your relationship. Whether it's something mundane or outrageous, you and Sam try your best to keep things fun for the both of you. 

U nderstanding- How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

You and Sam know each other so well it's gotten to the point where if you or him need something, you know what’s needed and how much before the other even opened their mouth. When this happens, Dean just kinda stares at the both of you with a “what the actual fuck?’ look. 

Sam: *sees you walking into the kitchen* Hey babe we-

Y/N: We need to get some milk today. You wanna leave at 11?

Sam: *goes back to drinking his coffee* Yep.

Dean: *freaking the fuck out*

V alue- How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Sam knew from the first date that his life would be in your hands. He trusts you with everything he has. What’s your relationship worth to him? More than any diamonds, jewels, or power. Nothing can ever be worth more than you. 

W ild Card-  A random Fluff Headcanon.

Sam took you to an event at a bar one night for a date. The theme that night was ‘50’s and 60’s dance night!’ He bought you a dress that would be worn in that era and he wore his brand new tux he bought, just for tonight. Just for you. Your feet were screaming in your heels but you and Sam were having too much fun to leave the dance floor. When you guys got home that night Sam gave you the BEST foot rub ever. 

X OXO- Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

In private, Sam will smother you with kisses and cuddles. The man can almost never let you go. The poor touch starved baby.

Y earning- How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Sam likes to log in to your Spotify, he knows most likely wherever you are, you’re listening to your music. He likes to listen to your playlists with you. It makes him feel closer to you. 

(He’ll never admit it but you have better taste in music than him.) 

Z eal- Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

It’ll be a close call but if he had to choose to save Dean or you, he’d choose you. It’d break him for a while, but he knows his brother wants him to have the apple pie life with you. And in the end, he’d always do it. No matter how hard it’d be for him and you every time, he wouldn’t change a thing. 

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A/N: Thank you guys for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Requests are always open!

Spread Love!

-Marissa

[selfhelpskillss]

How To Make Him Chase You? 20 Useful Tips For A Romantic Relationship

Ladies, make a pause and prompt them to chase you. We know that you get what we mean. It’s time to learn how to make him chase you.

The fun fact is that men often believe that we are chasing them. We pursue them on social media. We are also present at their favorite places. 

We even encounter his close friends. Then, here is the way of changing it and understand how to make men chase you instead.

The article by Self Help Skills will help you find the best solution for you!

Some Tips On How To Get A Man To Chase You

Making a chase has been a missing art. Many girls have been forgetting how effective this action is in causing a man to follow you and fall in love with you.

Although it is difficult to succeed, you can get him to crave you even more.

If you are considering another kind of method to achieve the best and fastest result, keep reading https://selfhelpskills.net/his-secret-obsession-review/ to have the shortest way to your crush’s heart.

Here is the list of 20 profound methods that you will need:

1. Take a busy schedule

It means that you need to show him that you are busy. In other words, when not being with him, you can enjoy your spare time and do what you want.

When being with him in some places, it is better to show that you have so many things to do.

How to get him to chase you? You cannot continuously answer the message at once. You also cannot go around with him day after day.

If he wants a 24/7 partner, it is better to get a pet. He has to find that you also have personal things to do. 

Yet, you should keep it at a moderate level. Otherwise, he can find that you are ignoring him. The worst result may be that he is not interested in you anymore.

Take a busy schedule

2. Make him think he has responsibilities

These men have to feel like they are taking responsibility. Men regularly want to make the decision. They want to be on the active side. 

It does not mean that you are not making the decision. You simply need to do it secretly. Make him think that he is the controller.

As a result, he tends to take charge of everything about you and chase you. If you may want to make him obsess you, an OFFICIAL WEBSITE will be a great help.

Remember you also need to have your opinions. If not, he will think being with you is so time-consuming.

How to get a guy to chase you

3. Become a confident girl

If you crave to learn how to make a man chase you, it is essential to comprehend that gentlemen love ladies who show confidence.

Regardless of gender or status, a positive individual obtains an extreme attraction to most people.

The reason is that everyone has a tendency to connect to confident girls. Men find that self-reliant ladies are much sexier and more elegant.

Furthermore, men like hunting, and love is a game of hunting. They want to chase courageous prey.

It not only increases the excitement but also creates a feeling of satisfaction. These reasons will prompt them to pursue you and want you more.

Become a confident girl

4. Don’t allow him to perceive he is the only one

Of course, he is not the only person. Remember that there are some guys out there who try to grasp the chance to date you.

To tackle the problem: how to make him chase you again, your task is to show this man that he is not the only person who chases you.

It will remind him that it is a competition. He must compete with other guys to have you. Sound tragedy? It is not. This move just boosts his spirit and makes him pursue you.

You can do it by uploading photos on Instagram with friends and tagging them in the status. The key point is that he wants to see you. The higher the desire is, the stronger the feeling becomes to make a man chase you. 

Chasing you cannot satisfy your requirements. You even want more and go further with him. How to make a guy want you(https://selfhelpskills.net/how-to-make-a-guy-want-you/) will help you have the most romantic relationship.

Do not allow him to think he is the only one.

5. Don’t give a man all of the things you have

There is no need for you to sleep with him or give him everything straight away. He is not your boyfriend but your crush. Therefore, you do not need to have a preference that you owe him something.

If you have ever done something wrong, how to make him chase you after you slept with him?

The thing that we cannot have is the most desirable matter. It is similar to this situation. When he cannot have you, hold you in his hand, he will think that you are so precious.

Then, you should keep your time, love, and happiness for yourself, but do not give him all of this.

You don’t need to give him all of the things.

6. Show that you have a life

A dependent woman will make a man feel irritated because men see that you are not unique and not attractive enough to make them chase you.

So you should have your life, consisting of your close friends, your study, and your work. You must demonstrate that you achieve a happy and balanced life without a man. You must prove that you are satisfied with yourself only. 

It will make him see you more. He gradually becomes curious about you and pursues you as a consequence.

You need to have an independent life

7. Be a little mystery

This method is very efficient when you crave him to chase you. For the first time, you have a meeting with him, you think that you desire to be with him more. In this situation, you will befriend him and make him take an interest in you.

Still, keep in mind that you need to introduce enough information about yourself. Just saying a little at one time is better for both of you. It will put him in curiosity about you, and he likes chatting with you more.

8. Flirt him

When you want him to pursue you, it does not mean that you need to become the ice queen. It just causes a cold personality that most people do not like.

In the worst situation, he may think that you are underestimating and ignoring him. We think that you do not like this consequence, right? So how to make him chase you in a relationship?

Remember that you need to be passionate about love. Put much effort into your relationship. Then, you should have jokes and flirt with him.

If you aim to make him chase you, indicate that you are keen on him. You must provide him with some reasons to chase you.

This tip will work well if you want to know how to tell if a shy guy likes you.

9. Fewer is better

Suppose you are talking and texting too much for him. Stop these actions because less is more. It will help you make him chase you again psychology. Hold yourself back to have more intelligent ideas that make him go after you.

When having many calls, do not say a lot. Similar to messages, it is more effective to keep them shortened and romantic.

These short sentences instead of long essays are likely to prompt him to read more carefully and appreciate them more.

This trick will work in how to make him chase you long distance. Of course, you do not need to always talk and text just a little. There are some cases where you can show your thoughts in direct conversations. 

10. Don’t become swooned over him

Of course, you want to understand how to make him chase you and to do it properly. Still, the ugliest thing is sitting and wrapping his arms as you give him an affectionate look. 

He is not the lord. If you want to have a romantic relationship with him, you cannot allow him to think that way. The certain thing is to give him compliments but not to stare at him. It leaves you deprived and clingy.

As a consequence, it seems that you are petitioning for love and care. You show your passiveness in relationships. In that case, you but not he is a follower.

Therefore, you should not become swooned over him. This man should be the person who has strong feelings about you. How to make a guy think about you constantly(https://selfhelpskills.net/how-to-make-him-think-about-you-all-the-time/) will always content you.

11. Become a sexy girl

Become a sexy girl.

How to get a man to chase you? Personality is crucial, but appearance is also essential to find a partner.

Before he understands your good characteristics, he will get trapped in your elegance. It is the reason why you should improve your beauty to make him chase you.

It is not necessary to dress like some beautiful girls. Instead, you can promote your appearance by applying make-up or a new hairstyle.

It is worth investing in something like lipsticks and dresses. You become not only much sexier but also more confident. 

Every man is visual, so your sexiness and elegance will drive them crazy. If you don’t know how to improve your appearance, you should look at what makes a girl attractive to a man.(https://selfhelpskills.net/what-makes-a-woman-attractive/)

12. Be tolerant about the drama

Do you know what makes a man chase a woman? Each man does not take an interest in drama. You cannot imagine how hateful a man feels about drama.

The reason is that drama could stress them drastically. As a consequence, almost all men would theoretically run away if they see any sign of drama on you. 

There are various types of drama that men hate from women, such as Facebook drama, money stories, and jealous words. Men pay more attention to rational women who get much less involved in drama.

If a man hears you telling a drama, he can become bothered with it because he can’t emotionally deal with it. Thus, put the drama into your diary or in the chatting group with your friends.

13. Don’t look at just him

Don’t look at just him.

It is a strange law of nature. When you do not give attention to the man you love, he will come to you despite many difficulties. When you take notice of him, he is nowhere for you to meet. 

After all, what you have to do is to overlook your crush a bit. It is quite sophisticated to explain why but believe us; this tip is very effective.

14. Keep patient to begin a relationship

A popular flaw that every woman makes is to rush to get rid of singleness. What they do not recognize is that singleness is wonderful progress in each girl’s life. 

When you are alone, you take the chance to enhance yourself without anyone forcing you to do anything. You would have enough time to realize your dreams.

You would have many opportunities to find the right partner. It is one of the most wonderful decisions that you have ever needed to make. 

When you cannot keep patient to throw singleness away, you will begin to push for a commitment right away, possibly with the first good guy that you encounter.

You will sacrifice the advantages of singleness and begin to do the chasing. Most men know that the precious things in life demand working. 

The man you are pursuing will comprehend that you are certainly valuable to chase if you can keep patient to escape from singleness.

15. Don’t spend all the time with him

Don’t spend all the time with him.

When you give him all of the time, he will find that you are available for him 24/7. Any time he wants you, you can appear right away to stand next to him. For that reason, he will not chase you.

Instead, you can use your spare time with your friends and family. You can also be alone to do what you like. This tip can make both you and him feel more valuable about yourself. 

If you crave to make a man pursue you, he has to find that you are not always accessible for him. 

16. Don’t always send him messages

Don’t send him messages all the time.

How to make him chase you through text? Indeed, he regularly sends you a lot of messages. But it does not mean you also need to do the same thing. Keep in mind that you want him to pursue you.  

Naturally, when you win over him, it is good for you to text him many sentences to share your emotions and love. However, until that time, maintain your messages to a minimum. 

Maybe some of you are considering the right way of sending messages; we then recommend what men want to hear in a text (https://selfhelpskills.net/what-a-guys-wants-in-a-girl/) to help you solve the issue.

You will find this tip is very useful in how to make him chase you over text. You can allow him to know you like messaging him by sending suitable stickers and flirty words, but do not answer the messages right away. 

17. Don’t be so easy to be happy

Did he give you a rose? It is so romantic, isn’t it? It is simply a flower. We claim that you can buy it for yourself. 

Never honor the small things he could buy to inspire you. Do not give your feelings to material goods he could buy for you, but give your emotions to the behaviors and the commitment he gives you.

Men understand what they have to “buy” to prevail on a girl, so never become that girl who can get “bought over”. 

Make him know that the best way he can prevail upon you is by his gestures, not the presents he could buy for you.

18. Be proactive on Facebook

Be proactive on social media.

Update personal information, share fun experiences, post recent images of you in the best version. Let your social media like Facebook, Instagram be updated every day to show your high energy in real life.

It is a helpful tip for how to get a guy to chase you.

If you want to get him to chase you, you should always be in his thoughts. You also have to deepen his jealousy when you are not with him.

You can cause him to hope that he would be the only person spending all the time with you, rather than those friends you are going out with! 

19. Let him see that he is doing properly

If a man is pursuing you and trying to swoon over you, you have to value his efforts. Do not be the ice queen who only requires a man to do all things for her. Be grateful, be heartfelt, and let him see that you are interested in him too.

However, just never be subject to all things he tries to do for offending you.

If you know how to cause a man to chase you in your mind, you can keep patient until you make sure that he actually loves you. He is also ready to spend time and attempt into a romantic relationship he is trying to build up with you.

If you want to know how to make him chase you after a break-up, you should try this tip immediately.

20. Be yourself to make him chase you

Be yourself to make him chase you.

In the first stage of a romantic relationship, we often try to create the best version of ourselves. Although it is not wrong to leave a positive impression, you should not miss being yourself. 

Initially, when you try to pretend to be an impressive person, he might find you interesting. The downside of this action is that you will have to keep wearing this mask. Otherwise, when you reveal the actual you out, he could lose passion. 

In some situations, when the man does not love the way of who you are, it purely means that the man might be the wrong partner for you.

In this case, you should attempt to reform yourself to be a perfect person. The reason is that it is impractical for you to change yourself forever just for a romantic relationship. 

Initially, you can adjust a few habits, but you will eventually go back to them. If he is not pleased with the actual you, it will get him to leave.

Therefore, it is not necessary to rush into a relationship with a man who does not like you the way you are. In return, if he loves who you are, he will keep his mind and chase you. 

If you want to know how to make him chase you like crazy, the best tip is to be true to yourself.

Final Words

In a modern society with advanced technology, many of us seem to forget that men are people who chase women in the first place. Until now, how to get a man to chase you still shows efficiency in building up a romantic relationship.

You have a crush in your life. You want to go further with him. These above-mentioned methods will help you to make him pursue you. He can even want you more and become pine for you.

You can try each method to see which one is more suitable for your requirements and situations. Remember, keep calm, and you will see good results. 

You want to make him chase you, but you also do not know what signs he wants you more than a friend; you can read our article to get more information.

Thank you for reading!

Credit: https://selfhelpskills.net/how-to-make-him-chase-you/

[thecurseisinourblood]

Obsession vs Love

Merry Christmas all! So I have a gift for you... I wasn’t going to post this until it was finished but I got into a bit of a rut, but I have been sitting on this for months. Originally this was meant to be a oneshot between Erik and Frollo and it turned into 16 pages of detailing Frollo’s progression of feelings leading up to and after seeing Esmeralda. Enjoy! General Mature content warning.

Claude Frollo reached the time in his life when he accepted a lot of things. His thirties were gone and he was grateful. This was a decade where he had been ravenous for status and particularly ruthless in character. Looking back, it seemed his repressed youth had blossomed during that time and his past behavior sometimes embarrassed him to this day. He had been moody yet confident in ways he never before experienced within his personality. Though never being wild, there was a crazed side of him that was manipulative and hungry for power over others, particularly in social interactions. Any witty insult that could roll off his tongue or opportunity to correct someone’s facts were never missed. His parents had been cruel to him and in these small ways it felt good to finally speak his mind without decorum. These were his selfish years.

“I am happy you have come out of your shell, but you have become absolutely unbearable to everyone,” Lucy said to him after insulting a woman who had been taking up his time with idle chatter in an attempt to catch his interest. “I finally don’t care what anyone thinks of me,” he remembered saying to her. It took him over thirty years to stop worrying about strangers’ opinions. 

He had looked at women more. Admiring them, their pretty faces and perfectly toned bodies, but became frustrated speaking to them as most of them were self-serving or not intelligent. In his teenage years he would secretly leer at women, but it was in a more passive and curious manner. The sexual frustration became more exhausting than maddening over the years. No one could keep his interest, no matter how stunning. There was a time when he could charm a woman that would gladly take him to bed. As much as he longed for that experience, the thing he yearned for most was a connection that wasn’t hollow. So, when his personal assistant began seeing one of the two judges who mentored him, he became envious. Lucy and judge Remy became an item despite their twenty odd year age gap.  During this time, Frollo was more distant with Remy than ever before. The elder judge would reach out to him as he had in the past, but Frollo wasn’t interested. It was childish, but to him it was a breach of trust. 

Claude was the last one to figure out they were together. Despite knowing Remy was on a break from his wife, Remy always flirted with Lucy, so he thought nothing of it. Lucy should have been above such vulgar charm. Little did he realize they were in a full fledged relationship. Since Lucy was the only female he had ever been attached to, Frollo quietly simmered in his jealousy. “Why did no one tell me they were together?” Frollo looked ahead and clenched his jaw. Jean-Pierre watched Claude closely and saw his fight to remain collected. He never expressed himself, but Jean-Pierre easily detected frustration. How could I not see it? Is what the eldest judge imagined him to say instead. Frollo had a new nickname that was beginning to gain traction in the media. If the young man didn’t change his ways, it would stick forever. The Marble Judge. Jean-Pierre could see it causing issues down the line. “I’m sorry, dear boy. I genuinely thought you knew.” In fact, it had become quite apparent, but Claude wasn’t equipped to pick up on these emotional nuances. Jean-Pierre learned this early on when he began mentoring him out of college as an intern. Claude could pick apart a stranger’s motives, behaviors, even business plans like a computer, but as soon as the relationships grew closer to him, all of those observation skills became useless. Frollo had a lack of understanding of any form of emotional intimacy. He gathered it was because his parents never nurtured him. Though they all tried to cross that bridge with him, Frollo proved to have an impenetrable wall around his heart. Frollo turned to look at the old man. Did Jean-Pierre detect…jealousy? “How was I supposed to if everyone refused to inform me?” Jean-Pierre didn’t know how to answer that without offending him. Instead, he sensed a deeper issue. Frollo never approved of Remy’s flamboyant lifestyle and he was quite fond of Lucy. “Do you have feelings for her? Or is it because you find Remy to be an utter scoundrel?” Frollo’s skin paled and Jean-Pierre put his hand on the man’s back. “Why didn’t you tell her if that was the case?” He asked gently, but Frollo knitted his brow in anger. “That’s not it,” he tried to recover by acting irritated. “It doesn’t make any sense. We all know Remy is going to go back to his wife because he can only go so long without fucking a man. I know Lucy well enough to know she wants monogamy.” Jean-Pierre pursed his lips and removed his hand. Keeping his eyes on his, he kept the boy’s attention. “Relationships rarely make sense if you write them on paper, my boy. That is not what it is about. ” Frollo looked like he was at a complete loss of what to say next, as if Jean-Pierre gave him some profound knowledge...a revelation. 

“Even if Lucy knows Remy will return to his wife, she wants to enjoy it while it lasts. He is a good man and I trust him with my life. So, do you think Remy is a scoundrel?” He asked again, to which Frollo shrugged uncomfortably. “A bit,” Claude grumbled. “And it is natural to like Lucy, she helps you with everything and is very kind. It can be natural to feel jealous, but don’t be too hard on judge Remy for it. You are fond of her, aren’t you?” He knew Frollo liked women, but never dated. To his knowledge, Frollo was still a virgin. Claude’s hands were folded on his lap, but they looked more like fists with their tension. “A bit,” Frollo said more reluctantly. His head had been pointing down for a minute, but he suddenly turned to Jean-Pierre. “Don’t--” He swallowed. “Don’t tell a soul,” Frollo said harshly. Jean-Pierre tried to hide the melancholy from his smile. He didn’t have the heart to tell him that everyone already knew. “I promise not to say a word.” It wasn’t until years later that Claude realized he had never been in love with Lucy. He assumed Lucy knew that in her heart all along. Judge Remy and Lucy were expecting their first child after a year. They married, to everyone's surprise. The ‘break’ from his wife turned out to be final. Remy was deeply in love with Lucy and appeared to have settled down from his swinger lifestyle. Remy once made fun of Jean-Pierre for having a child so late in life, only to walk the same path. However, after some years, Remy began to notice a blossoming friendship between Lucy and a man named Luc. He was doing business that required them to keep in touch and the conversations were growing longer. Remy asked Luc out to lunch one day and quite liked the man himself. Luc was easy to get along with and very attractive. He had never met someone so laid back and funny. As they spoke about Lucy, he could see a twinkle in Luc’s eye. It was the same as Lucy’s.

Ah, young love, and Remy knew that Lucy would never leave him for another man. Remy invited him over for dinners quite frequently. Lucy believed in monogamy, but in Remy’s opinion, love should never be restricted. Lucy was the love of his life and he wanted her to have the world. Luc was an amazing guy and Remy found himself wishing Luc was bisexual. After things developed, Remy had a decision to make. He approached Luc first. “I seem to have noticed that you are in love with my wife….” The expression on Luc’s face told him what he needed to know. The blood seemed to drain from his cheeks. Luc tried to laugh it off a little too late and Remy placed a hand on his shoulder. “I will love Lucy until the day I die,” Remy continued. “But I am finding myself missing certain things.” The judge never wanted to be tied down completely, but it had been a sacrifice he was willing to make for Lucy. He was physically more attracted to men, but his marriage to Lucy was the most fulfilling and euphoric experience he ever had. “You do not seem like a jealous man, Luc. In my mind, she will always be my wife. If you both accept it… I would like to see her from time to time…. If you know what I mean.” Luc readily accepted it while Lucy seemed conflicted. “Divorce you…. And marry Luc?” Lucy’s cheeks were flushed. “You spoke to him first?” “Yes, I did. You don’t have to be shy, my love. I am actually just a little sad that you didn’t tell me. Come on, you know me better than that. Why should I care?” he smiled and continued. “This could be good for us,” Remy took her hand. “I would still like to have private time with you and I will still speak to you like my wife. I will just be… a mostly gay husband. Luc is absolutely fine with it, as long as you are, but I understand if you would like to speak with him first.” Lucy blinked and knitted her brows. She was completely stunned. “Unless you stopped loving me when you fell in love with Luc…” Remy began, which was met with Lucy quickly objected. “And I thought you knew me better than that,” she said, a bit upset. “Oh, I was hoping you would say that,” Remy laughed. “So what do you say? We take a holiday every once in a while, I can have my fun with men again, and you and Luc can have the perfect marriage.” Lucy’s eyes began to water. She didn’t typically cry. She knew how Remy was, but his removal from all forms of jealousy still astonished her. She was just beginning to realize Luc was the same way. “Truly?” She asked him. “I will always give you anything you want,” Remy kissed her forehead.Then he laughed. “And you wanted to be monogamous. Life has a funny way of changing things, doesn’t it?”

~.~.~ By the time Claude turned forty, he gave up on finding a partner. Although, he promised himself not to shut anyone out. He talked to women at parties until he felt his ears would bleed. He attended the theatre often, but as time went on, he stayed at home even more. He went from drinking lightly on occasion to drinking a fair amount at home and at events. The Marble judge finally felt content once he no longer seeked fulfillment from others. He found more joy in his work, in meals, in his personal reading. He cooked more and generally took better care of himself than he ever had in his life. He lied to himself well about never feeling lonely, but there was to be another development. Delice came along a year later. A beautiful and young socialite who was charmingly cruel. Frollo knew if she had been around while he was in his ambitious thirties he would probably be poor on the street by now. She would have taken everything from him. Somehow knowing this, she still appealed to the apathetic part of his soul. They would make such wonderful wasps. As time went on, Frollo became increasingly drawn to her. He was starting to like her and become more comfortable. If it was a trap, he began to care less and less. He ached for someone. They had enough similarities and he adored her air of superiority. Frollo had never been perfect, often thinking there were plenty of people below him. They could judge others and be stuck up together. Delice was the closest thing he had to a crush since Lucy. Frollo never appreciated just how well his colleagues and friends got at reading him. “Delice has been on your arm for months and you actually smiled at her! You were eating her up! I’ve never been so disappointed in you,” Lucy chastised him after a political event. “It’s not like I am going to fuck her, if that is what you are so worried about,” Frollo loathed feeling embarrassed and often acted quite thin-skinned during personal conversations. Lucy called him out on his developing feelings for Delice and at this point, he didn’t even know if what he said was true anymore. “You say that now! I introduced you to plenty of sweet women and you let that snake in our circle like she is your friend. I know she is pretty, but god damn it Claude! You’ve heard things about her too and you know that she is literal filth. This isn’t high school.” “I enjoy our conversations and her company. At least when she speaks, she knows the subject. You know how hard it is for me to find a conversation worth having with these mindless people.” He was defending his actions and feelings more than standing up for Delice and they both knew it. “That is what you are going to say to me?” Lucy had never been this angry with him and she succeeded in making him feel like a teenager being chewed out by his mother. “Do you think I don’t know a man’s eyes when they want to fuck someone? Do you think she doesn’t know? I’ve seen you look at women, but you practically undress her with your stare every time she is close. I know you are one of the most brilliant minds in the world, but you are emotionally stupid. She will rip you to shreds with her teeth and spit you out.” She walked up to him and put her hands on his shoulders. “If you are that lonely, you need to find something else.” He remembered how broken he felt. Her speech opened his eyes and took away the joy he was experiencing for the last few months. Lucy was only trying to protect him and she was absolutely right. His eyes looked to the floor in shame. “I’m sorry, dear,” Lucy said sadly and gave him a hug. He couldn’t breathe. He stood there, unmoving. So, this is what a hug felt like. Wrapping his arms around Lucy, he trembled, keeping his emotions in. He held her tight. He was kidding himself all along. He wanted someone to hold forever. Though he wasn’t in love with Lucy, he knew he would have been happy to spend his life with her, but she deserved the true love she had. She was his closest friend and he clung to those emotions because it was the only time he experienced connection. When she left, he drank himself to sleep in his despair. His bed had never felt so cold. His life returned to how it was and he found that he didn’t miss those few months when he had Delice glued to his side. At the end of the day, none of it was real and he again became content living alone, being alone. He limited his interactions with Delice. She saw this and attempted to cozy up with Lucy, but was shot down. This is when he saw Delice become a bit more aggressive and sometimes trapped him in public conversations so he couldn’t leave. Yet… he couldn’t bring himself to even dislike her. He liked her ambition and her persistence and never treated her unkindly. 

He remembered the events which led up to the day that would change his perception forever. Attending a theatre performance, he remembered a new ballerina named Christine. She did fine in performances, but Charlotte, judge Jean-Pierre’s daughter grew impatient with her. “She’s good, but she is so timid. It is a miracle she can dance in front of an audience. I think her being friends with Meg Giry is the only thing keeping her safe from Madame Giry’s wrath. She would probably cry at the drop of a hat!” It only took weeks before Christine was no longer in the ballet, but the choir instead. Her voice was undoubtedly incredible. Frollo’s eyes widened in surprise one night when the prima donna had some drama and they needed a fill. He immediately became curious. Rumors were circulating and it didn’t take Claude long to figure out why. There was only one Erik he knew with any clout, though most everyone simply referred to him as the opera ghost. He was the manager everyone feared and never saw. “Are you teaching Christine?” Frollo asked his distant, but long-term friend. He remembered the near indecipherable smirk on Erik’s mouth just below the mask. “That sounds more like an accusation than a question.” Frollo observed him quietly with as little expression as possible. Erik loved to get under anyone’s skin, especially his because he was ‘so uptight that it was foolish.’ Meanwhile, Claude thought Erik’s mischief was childish and petty. He was just an old, lonely man desperate to entertain himself. “Either way, I would like to know,” Frollo said. “Why?” Erik was purposefully difficult. “That question was not your intention.” Frollo turned his lips inward in a hard line with evident frustration. “Is the interest strictly professional?” Frollo clarified tartly. Erik poured them some wine for the two of them and there was a solemnity and an amusement sparkling in his eyes that Claude had never seen before. If Christine was timid… this wouldn’t end well for Erik. To this day, even Frollo was wary of the man. “For now,” Erik handed him the wine. Frollo didn’t know why, but he actually believed him when he said it. Perhaps Lucy was right. There was a part of him that was emotionally underdeveloped and despite being able to read people very well, he was sometimes easily fooled. He met Christine before one of the performances. She was incredibly sweet. He thought her apprehension would bother him, but it made it that much easier to be nice to her. She was shy and he made small frequent smiles because of her overall pleasantness. Christine was thoughtful and smarter than he anticipated. However, he got the vibe that the only people who could be mean to her were truly cruel because she had an air of sensitivity and gentleness. 

“So, you are friends with Erik, then?” she asked lightly. Frollo gave her a small smile. “I guess you can say that.”

He could see why Erik would be drawn to her. She was not Claude’s type and he realized quickly that he could never be interested because of a lack of patience -- he was too old for that nonsense! Apparently Erik could read his mind for even thinking of such a thing, because later that night, he was on a warpath. Oh, Erik had raged at him so hard he worried the man would have a heart attack! Frollo’s eyes widened in shock at his demonic fury. He had never seen such an outburst. Wait --  now was he yelling at him because he so much as smiled at Christine? Why did he take Erik’s words for face value? The man was obsessed. Claude felt like an idiot for not seeing it sooner. How many times in his life would he misread the emotions that were right in front of him? “I just wanted to meet her,” Frollo promised. “If that is the girl you like, you could do infinitely worse. If it means a damn thing to you, I approve,” though she was awfully young. He was unwilling to admit to his friend that he thought the union would be impossible. The age gap was too large. For someone as particular as Erik, he expected him to fall for someone more mature… Christine was twenty, but there was a girlish quality that left the impression on Claude that she had a lot of growing up to do. After some time, Erik calmed down. Claude was secretly trembling from the shockwaves of emotions that Erik swallowed him up in like a black hole.The man had a power that was practically supernatural. What frightened him the most was the despair Erik felt. Obviously Erik didn’t think a relationship was possible, but he was going to try anyway. What a fruitless effort! Claude shook his head when he entered his car. The poor man. Unrequited love was a nightmare that Frollo never really considered. He always imagined love to be a progression. Meet, go on dates, grow feelings over a substantial amount of time… What if one fell within moments? A cold chill traveled up his spine before reaching out like an icy hand around his heart. His frigid fingers gripped the steering wheel. If Erik could be afflicted with such blind and unreasonable love, could he also fall ill? Another week passed and although Frollo wasn’t actively seeking new information about Christine, he quietly observed the woman Erik was enamored with. He didn’t understand why the intense attraction to her, but to each their own. She looked like a doll. She was very sweet, but Frollo found himself wondering how Erik could handle her naivety. Perhaps this proved Claude was the bigger cynic afterall. He was too jaded to try to have a meaningful relationship with a woman half his age. At least women near his age had the same temperament: calm, thoughtful, mature…

Tired. Fate had a cruel sense of humor. Everything he thought he knew would be challenged. His world was about to spin. Frollo was thankfully by himself, away from his group to order a drink from the bar before returning. When it happened. Standing at the bar top, he did a double take when he saw Christine with….a friend? 

Claude’s eyes were glued, his heart came alive against his chest as it never had before. If he had his scotch in his hand, it would have slipped from his fingers. Never before did he see a woman who looked like a goddess-- walked like one! The aura she exuded was so powerful that he followed her movement with his eyes without blinking. The girl had the fullest, darkest, and most curly hair he had ever seen. Her eyes were bright green which he had never seen a woman of her complexion have. Her plump lips were covered in a beautiful, matte red lipstick. Everything about her was so tasteful and perfect that he wondered if he was dreaming. If he breathed, he feared she would disappear like mist. Taking the scotch the bartender just poured for him, he used it to cover part of his face as his eyes raked over her body. Her cleavage was full, but not too much and she had such a small waist which led to wide hips. They now walked to the other side of the room. Seeing the full extent of the cut of her dress, her entire back was bare. Frollo didn’t realize a woman’s back could look so attractive. The slit on the side exposed the top of her thighs as she walked and they fit the rest of her body. There wasn’t a single inch of her that wasn’t flawless. The Roman sculptors would fall to their knees and beg to capture her beauty if they saw her. 

His scotch was done in an instant. Not intending to sit before, he did so now, thankful that the bar acted as his cover for his leering and….the erection which was hard against his thigh. Thank the maker that he couldn’t get a tent in his suit trousers. He gasped softly, his heart racing. This woman took his breath away. “Hey, you, I haven’t seen you in awhile,” Delice sat at the bar stool next to him and he was so disoriented, he jumped out of his skin. “Jesus fuck,” he whispered and turned his eyes to look at her. She smiled prettily. Delice had a nice mouth and beautiful eyes. Instantly, they didn’t seem so impressive. “That’s a good introduction. Did I scare you?” she laughed. “Buy me a drink and make it up to me.” At this point he was going to need three drinks before the performance. He would use Delice as an excuse to do so. “Absolutely,” he said and ordered for them. He knew Delice’s drink of choice and he could feel Lucy’s eyes boring into the side of his face when he didn’t return after a few minutes. He couldn’t hear what Delice was talking about. He was thinking of the girl. He didn’t see her again… was she getting ready for the performance? “You men don’t even listen sometimes,” Delice sighed. Frollo was already on his third round of scotch in a matter of minutes. “I’ve had a rough day at work, I am sorry, Delice.” He was about to round up the tab when Delice ordered another drink and touched his hand with her fingers. He tensed. “I don’t think your P.A. likes me,” she wrinkled her nose and sneered. It was surprisingly attractive to look at. He hated that he still liked her. “Lucy?” he asked vacantly. “Who else?” she said irritably. “Do you have another one that acts like your mother?” If Frollo had been sober he would have been a lot more offended by what she said. “You’re not drunk already. Are you playing dumb? You aren’t usually this unattentive to me,” she pouted. His eyes dropped to her lips. Old habits. She was still tantalizing and she knew it.

Even when she wasn’t being nice to him, he never minded. He actually liked it and he understood why Lucy thought he had a problem and needed to keep his distance. “I’m sorry Delice, I am not myself today. I haven’t been feeling the greatest,” he lied easily and after paying for her drinks and another scotch, he walked back to his group. Lucy was glaring at him as if he had fornicated with Delice right there. “Why did you stay over there?” She asked in concern. “I saw you pay and drink like a fish.” Lucy wasn’t ever this uptight. Everything that was going on made Frollo incredibly anxious. He took another sip of scotch. He was a little drunk now. “Please, Lucy, I just need… a break for a minute.” Lucy frowned in confusion and nodded. “I am sorry sir,” she took his hand. “I am just trying to look out for you. She is bad news.” “I know,” he assured her. They sat down for the performance and his life would never be the same again. Looking at the playbill he casually skimmed through it, but his fingers trembled. Was she here? He blinked. Esmeralda Trouillefou. Making her professional debut. He could hear his pulse drummed in his ears. She was the ballerina they hired after Christine switched to vocals. This… this never would have happened to him if Erik hadn’t interfered. His blood ran cold. He could feel the voice of fate laughing softly in his ear. He was doomed. Watching her dance was agonizing. There wasn’t a single angle of her face or her body that showed an imperfection. Ballerina leotards were always an attractive item, but he had never seen a body like an hourglass in the corps before. Frollo’s blood rushed hotly through his veins and seared his flesh. A bead of sweat to trickle down the back of his neck. His eyes flew over her and only her. Her thick thighs… her thin arms-- her everything. Her massive hair was slick and perfectly contained in the usual dancer bun and her eye makeup was typical of dramatic theatre performances for ballerinas. Crossing his legs casually, he swore his erection never went down for the duration of the play. He felt heady and needed to calm his erratic breathing. He forced himself to stop watching at the end so he could become decent by the time the lights went up. They met that night and he was so unprepared to see her face to face that he came off cold and silent. She made a face of disapproval because of his lack of warmth and he felt his heart drop like a boulder in his gut because of the disappointment.What a great first impression. It wasn’t until later that he saw her parade herself like the perfect little trophy to every patron.It infuriated him so deeply that the next time they met, he insulted her without thinking of the consequences. Of course she would be a frivolous theatre whore! Why did he even think she might be sweet and mindful? Thank God Lucy wasn’t there that night, she would have given him a stern talking to. He began to envy Erik. At least Christine was approachable and modest, with a quiet intelligence that was beyond her years despite her fragility. Meanwhile, Claude was starved for a woman who flirted with the entire room like it was her job! Every man wanted a piece of her. He could see it in their eyes when they looked at her. He had never felt so much rage that his vision blurred. It happened. Cupid’s arrow pierced his heart. Just like Erik. Obsession gripped him like nothing else had before. He looked for news articles with her face and attended more performances. They were his sick pleasure in the beginning. She couldn’t even be compared to the ecstacy of a drug. She was his euphoria and he spent months in this crazed state where he would consume theatre performances like morphine. Scouring the papers that month, an introductory bio was published. He was mortified to find out that she had just turned twenty-two. He unconscionably memorized her birthday. At first, the fact that he didn’t care for her didn’t particularly interfere. It was lust that drove him and in his mind, the fascination would gradually wane. In a few months, he would wonder what was so special about her. For now, he wanted to drink every inch of her with his eyes when he could. It was then that he began taking Charlotte to and from her performances at least twice a week. Jean-Pierre appreciated the help and Claude couldn’t admit that it was for any other reason. Ah, but Esmeralda was vile! He hated everything about her! In the after parties, they kept their distance at first, but he always knew where she was socializing. She might as well crawl under the clothed tables with some of these men and service them right there! His fury and irritation soon became as intense as his desire. Any time they came near each other, they couldn’t be civil. Even her beautiful skin color became a matter of vexation. She wasn’t the typical ivory frenchwoman, but he saw her impress men that he knew for a fact were racist. There were a lot of french who disliked brown skin, Frollo being one of them. She challenged every perception he had of the world. “If you want to act like a theatre whore, at least try to be more subtle about it. You don’t see any of the others being so obvious. Have some dignity” He told her once away from everyone else when she demanded to know what his problem was. Of course she was highly offended and hurled plenty of fire back at him. By month two, Esmeralda was best friends with Charlotte and Charlotte asked him multiple times why he was so rude. No explanation could cover his behavior, so he blamed it on her being just as rude in the beginning. Charlotte was quick to defend Esmeralda. “Try to be nicer to her next time you see her or I will tell Papa to set you straight. You don’t know what she is like in private.” He remembered the day in the hospital when he waited for over eight hours for this girl to be born. The same girl, seventeen years later, was telling him to get his act together, lest she tell Jean-Pierre.  He clenched his jaw and agreed to be more civil. He didn’t want to have an embarrassing, personal conversation, which would most likely make him feel ashamed of himself.

His fixation for Esmeralda never went anywhere like he anticipated, only increased as they both seemed to call a quiet truce. At least, when they had to make appearances. “Coquette,” he sneered under his breath in passing and she almost smiled. “Cad,” she cooed, unaffected. It burned his heart, especially when she found out she could ruffle his feathers by being a mixture of flirty and argumentative with him. She loved to flirt! When she flirted with him, it was a particular kind of teasing that set his skin aflame in concealed excitement, but it enraged him the most. It wasn’t real. It was mockery. Another month went by and things were becoming more difficult. He didn’t realize how close Christine and Esmeralda had become. Soon, the situation turned on its head and everyone but him completely adored her. “She is so great, I don’t understand why you are so mean to her,” Charlotte whined on the way home from a performance. She brought this up a lot and Frollo was growing tired of hearing it. “She isn’t particularly kind to me either,” Frollo said irritably. “So you both have a temper, I’m sure you two can start over. I’ve never seen either of you act like this. It just proves to show that you two got off on the wrong foot. I know you guys are very different.” “That is quite an understatement,” Frollo muttered through his teeth. It was month three since he saw Esmeralda for the first time and Erik was becoming more insistent that they meet. Claude avoided this moment for as long as possible. Erik knew everything that went on in the theatre and he was not ready to have a conversation about Esmeralda, or really any of his behavior when interacting with her. But soon, Erik put a hand on Frollo’s back as one of the performances ended. He hadn’t even seen where the man came from, as if he had teleported. Erik led him to a discreet area in the theatre which required his handprint for clearance. It wasn’t like Claude could run away. “I already told Charlotte that I would be speaking with you and her dad will be picking her up.” Frollo’s lips pulled in discomfort instead of the friendly smile he had aimed for. Once inside, they talked about Christine and her progress mostly. Frollo thought he might be off the hook, but he had been too hopeful.It was Erik’s turn to ask questions that he didn’t mean. “How about you, old friend? Have you found someone you are interested in?” Frollo’s skin prickled with anxiety. “No. I think I would tell you at this point if there was,” Frollo scoffed. The smile Erik gave was chilling and all knowing. His anxiety went off the charts. He felt like Erik was giving him a lie detector test where he already knew the results. “I don’t think you would.” Fear spread throughout Claude’s body and his stomach twisted with nauseum. “It’s Esmeralda, isn’t it?” The judge couldn’t hide completely from his reaction. His lips parted in surprise. Erik was the first one to suspect anything was amiss. “Don’t be ridiculous,” Frollo’s voice was tight in his throat. “You are the one who has been acting ridiculous!” “And you haven’t?” Frollo said defensively. “Don’t think I forgot you went off the rails because I spoke to Christine. Esmeralda irritates me, nothing more.” Erik laughed. He laughed! “You are obsessed! Ah, my friend has the same ailment as me!” Claude’s face turned white as a sheet. “Obsession will never be love, Erik,” he spat. It fell from his mouth and the opera ghost had never looked so smug. “So you admit it, then…And I disagree,” Erik waved his hand in an elegant dismissal.“My obsession has certainly blossomed and I can now say that I am in love. I would make the world spin the opposite direction. Christine must only ask it of me.” Frollo looked away and took a sip of his wine to refrain from sneering at the emotional soliloquy.That sentence seemed to be more for himself than for Claude’s regard.The thought of romantic love was beginning to repulse him more and more with each breath he took. “Your obsession might have turned into love for Christine, but that is not to be my fate.This is just an odd phase in my life. Us old men know how that happens. It will pass and I will forget it ever happened.” It would take Claude months for him to see just how little progress Erik was making with Christine. “That is not how hell works.”   Erik became so sombre that the hopelessness seemed to overtake the room. Erik’s words were cryptic and they lingered in Claude’s head hours after he left. He would wear the obsession thin. If he was this fed up with Esmeralda now, his irritation would eventually make him sick of her. It had to. Month four approached.Though it was still his secret pleasure to watch her dance because it excited him to his core, he was beginning to feel less satisfied. It gave him hope that his obsession was finally waning. It was a false flag. Ever since things had reached a temporary calm, his feelings for Esmeralda were merely shifting without him realizing it. He attended the theatre less this month and most of his interactions with the ballerina were picking up Charlotte from rehearsals or performances. Jean-Pierre was having health troubles and since “Claude turned into such a theatre buff this year,” he asked him to continue helping him with Charlotte. Frollo didn’t tell him that he hadn’t been going much lately, especially when his father-figure looked so pale and uncomfortable. None of them wanted Charlotte to be taking public transport by herself and Claude was the only one without kids. “Of course I will help,” Frollo assured him. It was devastating for him, especially when he wanted to avoid the theatre entirely. Sometimes mid-day rehearsals ran long, sometimes they were short. Frollo was always punctual, so it seemed like more than half of the time, he was in an empty theatre sitting with a handful of others waiting for the rehearsal to be over. He observed Esmeralda, who always sat next to Charlotte on the floor when Madame Giry did her review at the end of each rehearsal. He noticed how sweet her face was despite Charlotte’s constant pestering. More than once, Madame Giry had to tell Charlotte to be quiet. There was never a moment when Esmeralda regarded Charlotte with irritation, which was more than what he could say about himself. He admired her gentle smiles. He had never seen them before. These were the private smiles she gave to friends and not to patrons. Frollo got into the habit of taking xanax much more frequently. Theatre parties were one thing because he could hide in a crowd. Picking up Charlotte when she was always hanging on Esmeralda’s arm was a more intimate experience. One night, the rehearsal ran exceedingly late.There would be a new open soon and Madame Giry wasn’t having it. He was waiting for about two hours for it to be finished.. Once it was, he silently thanked a God he didn’t believe in. It was the first time he saw Esmeralda dance in a few weeks and he was yet again surprised by how acutely she affected him. His skin was warm. Distance wasn’t enough. Charlotte emerged in her regular clothes, approaching with Esmeralda. He couldn’t help but feel tense. Normally, she avoided him. He frowned naturally and saw her look away, slightly miffed, which in turn annoyed him even more. “Uncle Claude, would you mind giving Esmeralda a ride home tonight? It is dark and Christine didn’t have rehearsal today, so there would be no buddy system.” Frollo couldn’t help his sigh of annoyance. This was not at all how he planned on spending his evening. “It’s ok Charlotte, he obviously doesn’t want to,” Esmeralda said in a gentle tone he had personally never heard her use. He had never been subjected to a teenage girl’s pointed irritation before. It was like daggers. “Uncle Claude, I swear--” “Alright.” Frollo put his hands up in defeat. He didn’t want Charlotte to finish that sentence. Charlotte’s excitement was childlike. It was apparent to him that she adored Esmeralda with every fiber of her being. Staying separated from them as they walked to his expensive car, they hopped in the back. Fate was having a hell of a time making him miserable, as there was an accident which caused the traffic to be more congested than usual. There was no taking an alternate route. Charlotte talked excessively. Looking in the overhead mirror, he could see Esmeralda up close with natural makeup and normal clothes. She was honestly more stunning now. She smiled at Charlotte again and his heart twisted. She was so exquisite... Another emotion came over him that he had never felt. Then, his heart began to beat faster. Tender feelings flooded his chest and suddenly he yearned for her to smile at him. His eyes darted back to the road. No… no he couldn’t. This was the fascination talking to him. He didn’t care what happened to her or what she wanted. The night would never end and when they finally reached Esmeralda’s apartment, relief swept over him. “Thank you for the ride, Minister,” Esmeralda said. Their eyes met and he wondered if this was the first time that they looked at each other without animosity. “You are welcome.” His voice was reluctant, but Esmeralda seemed oddly pleased. So, he could be civil for literally half a second. She flashed the smallest of smiles as she left. It wasn’t the large, carefree ones that she gave to others, but it still caused his heart to skip a beat in his chest. “See, that didn’t kill you!” Charlotte said loudly. Claude sat there for a moment. “I think it may have,” he said quietly and Charlotte thought he was joking. “Sure, Uncle Claude. Whatever.”

[imonlyhereformyclass]

Sin City Bombshells

For this post, I am going to be analyzing the following female characters: Nancy, Wendy, Gail, Miho, and Shellie. I am going to be going in depth about Lucille in another post, when I discuss lesbians. I know it’s a lot, but each of these characters represent a different spectrum of female sexuality, and to a certain extent, objectification. Most of the significant female characters are in the sex industry, as prostitutes or strippers, respectively. 

First, we have Nancy Callahan, played by Jessica Alba. Her story is brought by Bruce Willis’ character, John Hartigan, saving her when she was a child from a child predator. They part for several years and meet again in the future when Hartigan gets out of jail. He sees her as a 19 year old working as a stripper. She tells him that she never stopped thinking about him and has fallen in love with him. It is implied that they start dating afterwards. I don’t mind an age gap in relationships but this one rubbed me the wrong way. Hartigan met her as an 11 year old and he was grown. Now that she is older, she is viewed as a sexual object. I think that this represents the barely legal fetish that a lot of men carry. Along with this, Nancy is the perfect example of the stereotypical image of a stripper. She is a young woman (college age, fresh out of high school) with a heavy baggage of childhood trauma mixed with potential daddy issues. I think she fell in love with Hartigan because he saved her as her lowest. A savior, of sorts. I expected her to have a bigger role in the story because she is a huge name and is even on the cover. She only appears for a small bit and was only accompanied by Hartigan. She is constantly sexualized by her now stripper job and her kidnapping. I think it would have been a cool idea if Hartigan and her teamed up, like a Batman and Robin situation. Her role as a film noir trope is the “The good-bad girl stands in between the girl-next-door and the femme fatale, which highlights her moral ambiguity” (Barroso). Nancy has an innocent image (as we remember her from the beginning of the movie as a child), however, is now grown and had a darker moral code. Her becoming a sex worker also ruptures her moral ambiguity. Some still believe that being involved in the sex industry is immoral and evil. 

Next is Wendy. She is played by Jamie King. Wendy is the twin sister of Goldie, Marv’s prostitute lover. The reason she is given that name is the striking image of her soft golden billowing hair. Goldie was killed, hence Marv (Mickey Rourke) going on the hunt to find her killer. He blames himself for her murder and goes on a revenge spree to avenge her as he couldn’t save her previously. Since the beginning, she is framed in a sexual lens. She is described as an angel sent from heaven. She is naked the second the audience sees her in a passionate lovemaking scene. She is enveloped in light. Dana Leventhal observes, “The men idealize, romanticize, pine for the women by placing them on impossible pedestals (circumscribed by sexuality and desire) as cherished imaginings and visions, and through this possession make it their duty to guard and safekeeping them, especially since the women are jeopardized or victimized by brutal crime and injustice” (Leventhal). He finds out that Goldie has a twin, Wendy. Wendy is hardened and dead set on revenge, as she should be. She is a no nonsense type of woman. Wendy is tough and willing to bring the murderers to justice. She is still sexualized, nonetheless, as Marv always compared her to her sister, and viewed her the same way. Donaldson writes, “The women of classic noir are often alluring, moral ambiguous, and two steps ahead of the men in the story” (Donaldson). Wendy is alluring, as she starkly resembles her prostitute twin sister. She is morally ambiguous as she is dark and calculating, yet she joins Marv (the anti-hero) on avenging the wrongful murder of her sister. Wendy is one of my favorite characters as I liked how merciless she was. 

Gail, played by Rosario Dawson, serves as one of two women of color characters. That is a discussion for another day, as I am going to be analyzing her character. She is the femme fatale. Barroso defines the trope as, “The femme fatale...is mysterious and seductive, known for using her charms to ensnare men and get them into dangerous, and most often, deadly situations. Her main characteristic is using her feminine sexual traits as a way to achieve hidden purposes” (Barroso). She is tough and isn’t going down without a fight. She is the epitome of female empowerment in the eyes of men: tough and battle ready, and looks good doing it. From the picture alone, she is scantily clad. She looks great and I like her outfit but I know the reason why she is dressed like this. She is cunning and commanding. She resembles and reminds me of a dominatrix. Sexually dangerous and isn’t afraid to beat down men. She has masculine traits like being the leader of the gang and she is gritty and domineering. She kills men in a severely violent manner and is strong and self sufficient. 

I freaking love Miho. She is, by far, my favorite character in the film. The movies that Devon Aoki appears in, her characters always reign supreme. There is a reason Suki from 2 Fast 2 Furious is still so popular and raved about. However, there is something I hated about her character. She didn't say a word. Her character is the epitome of age old Asian stereotypes: the silent ninja. Miho would strike her sword on her opponents in the same “badass” manner as a ninja would. Her character had so much potential and I feel like it was a waste to have her be silent the entire time. Both her and Gail are the tough girls in the film. Leventhal writes, “The women are not helpless, powerless, or weak; rather, they are cunning and battle-ready. Not only do they refrain from asking for help from the male protagonists, but they either resist or fight to save themselves from their enemies” (Leventhal). Miho is presented differently from the other girls of the film. Her, along with Gail, are not the average damsel in distress, which I like. Laura Woodhouse rants, “Miho...initially appears to be the only truly powerful woman in Sin City. She is not possessed by a man, she is not a victim, she is certainly not physically passive as she goes on to kill many more men and can easily win a fight with any man...It is almost as though Miho is a different creature, a member of a race of silent killers that exist only to perform acts of violence. Quite simply, she cannot be presented as a ‘normal’ female because she has superior killing skills to a man and this threatens the patriarchal nature of Sin City. The creators of Sin City rob Miho of a voice in order to justify her power” (”The F Word”). 

Last, but not least, there is Shellie. Played by the late Brittany Murphy, she is a prostitute. Her costume in her major story arc is a black underwear set with a white oversized button down shirt. Given that she was in her own home and she is allowed to wear what she wants, but it rectifies the stereotype that women walk around their home scantily clad, sexually available for overnight guests. Along with that, it fits her day job of being eyed on by the voyeuristic audience. Shellie is conceived as the victim character; she needs the help of her boyfriend to save her from her deranged pimp of a boss. Leventhal notes, “the traditional formulations or projections of femininity as sexuality are retained, as are the concomitant age-old misogynistic conceits of male domination/paternalism in the guise of safety and defense of women, i.e., the cliche that women are weak and need rescuing by men from other men” (Leventhal). Shellie mirrors the poor princess locked up in a tower, needing her Prince Charming to come and save her. 

Barroso, Malu, et al. “The Representation of Women in Film Noir.” High On Films, 10 Oct. 2019, www.highonfilms.com/women-in-film-noir/.

Donaldson, Kayleigh. “Problematic Faves: Sin City.” SYFY WIRE, SYFY WIRE, 24 Apr. 2020, www.syfy.com/syfywire/problematic-faves-sin-city.

Leventhal, Dana. “Superwomen? The Bad-Ass Babes of Sin City – or Are They?” Bright Lights Film Journal, 28 Apr. 2019, brightlightsfilm.com/superwomen-bad-ass-babes-sin-city/.

Woodhouse, Laura, et al. “Sin City.” Word, 18 June 2005, thefword.org.uk/2005/06/sin_city/.

[pynkhues]

I’m sure you’ve already gotten a bunch of asks since Manny’s Crime King interview! I’m just like confused about him saying he’s enamored by her world but honestly like how is his different (besides his obvious commitment to the game) he lives in a nice loft, takes his kid to baseball, drives a fancy car, and plays tennis at the club. It’s not like he’s living the life of a thug. I guess I’m not getting the exact contrast of their worlds.

(Rest of my ask) I’m probably missing some obvious point here which is why I’m asking you lol helllppp

I do think Rio’s enamoured with Beth’s world, yes! I think that really boils down to the fact that while on paper Beth and Rio aren’t living dissimilar lives in terms of their roles as parents, and while they obviously now share parts of the criminal world, I do think the show is actually pretty specific in how it represents those worlds, particularly in terms of the masculine / feminine, and how a part of the curiosity around each other is in viewing one another as a key that both compliments their own world, while also unlocking the other’s one for them.

The gendering of spaces in storytelling – but particularly films and TV is, hilariously, a topic that I’m incredibly passionate about and have both written it a lot in my original work, and written about it a lot for magazines, journals and media sites (I’m actually writing an essay at the moment for a literary journal about LGBTQI cinema and how lesbian romances are highly domesticised [i.e. Portrait of a Lady on Fire, The Handmaiden, The Favourite, The Kids are Alright] while gay romances are usually very pointedly about keeping away from domestic spaces, moving and traveling [i.e. Brokeback Mountain, The Talented Mr Ripley, Moonlight, Midnight Cowboy, even Call Me By Your Name is heavily focused on being Americans abroad aka away from home] but that all feels like a different story, haha).

Luckily for me, Good Girls is actually about as obsessed with the gendering of spaces as I am. It’s a major, major throughline throughout the show for many of the characters, but particularly Beth and Rio, and their intrigue with the other’s spaces – her interest in his powerful, highly masculine one, and his with her deceptively innocent, strongly feminine one – is really central to their intrigue with each other more broadly.

So to talk about this, we probably need a little bit of context.

(Under a cut because this is literally 4,000 words)

Gendering Spaces in Cinema

It’s probably not a surprise to anyone here, but places and spaces in stories are about as gendered – if not more gendered – as they are in daily life. In particular, cinema’s visual and textual language has historically been very clear:

The inside is female. The outside is male.

This concept has really been around since the beginning of cinema but became very popularised through Westerns in the late 1920s onwards, and really underlined by war films particularly during propaganda cinema in WWII. Men are outside, battling the elements and other men, claiming land, building outwards, while women are at home – either literally or figuratively (if they’re actually out at war, like in the utterly fabulous So Proudly We Hail!, they’re at the ‘home base’ as nurses) – building inwards. Men protect the home while women create it.

Westerns feature these images very potently and very literally. Almost every single western dating back to the 1910s will have some combination of these two shots:

a)       Woman at home, looking out into the wild:

b)      Man leaving home, stepping out into the wild:

(These two stills are from John Ford’s The Searchers which is generally regarded as one of the greatest Westerns of all time. It’s………very racist and misogynistic, as many were and still are, but in terms of technicality and visual language, it’s a very well-made film, albeit not one I enjoyed).

The purpose at the time, of course, was steeped in historic sexism and invested in maintaining that culture, particularly westerns and war films which are heavily devoted to ‘macho’ narratives. Women were passive, men were active, but these images really set the stage for how the ideas of ‘space’ continues to exist in cinema. A fact that’s bolstered by broader social discourses that still exist today – schools, grocery stores, laundromats are inherently ‘female’ spaces because they are seen as an extension of the home, while police stations, car dealerships, warehouses, are inherently ‘male’ spaces because they’re about work, protecting and providing for a home, and being pointedly outside of that domestic space aka ‘the wild’. It’s not an accident that the girls are robbing grocery stores and day spas, but I’ll get back to that, haha.

These ideas of gendered spaces underpin everything we watch, no matter the genre.

Sure, these ideas can be subverted to varying degrees of effectiveness (often it’s steeped in my least favourite trope – the ‘not like other girls’ heroine), but you can’t subvert a trope without actually acknowledging it exists. Sometimes these subversions are done brilliantly too – like in Legally Blonde which was not just about Elle existing in a space that was quintessentially coded as male, but embracing her femininity and womanhood within that space; and often brutally too in films like Winter’s Bone, Room and The Nightingale which all brutalise women in ‘male spaces’ while simultaneously weaponizing female spaces against them – usually the home. The lead character of Winter’s Bone is going to lose her house unless her absent father shows up in court, the lead character of Room creates a home that is simultaneously a sanctuary and a mockery of a sanctuary to try and protect her son from reality and survive, the lead character of The Nightingale has her home invaded, her husband and baby murdered, and is horrifically raped within that home.

Hometown Horror: a divergence

This is a slight aside to where I’m going with this overall, but please indulge me, haha. I’m a big fan of horrors and thrillers, which explore this in a really stark way. In that, the invasion of a home or a domestic space – whether by ghost, demon or serial killer, is, generally speaking, synonymous with the invasion of a woman’s body and the violation of her as a person.

Films that focus on a female survivor or a ‘final girl’ are very generally focused on the invasion of her home as much as it’s focused on the invasion of her body. Think The Exorcist, Rosemary’s Baby, Scream, The Babadook, Hereditary, The Conjuring, Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Panic Room. The violation of a woman’s home is the invasion of her, because cinema relies on over 100 years of movies telling us that a house and the woman who lives in it are symbolically the same thing.

Horror films that focus on men are very rarely centred in the home. It’s men travelling, or men visiting a woman’s home, or men who’ve been taken. Think of the first Saw movie which takes place in a mysterious basement, Hostel which is at a hostel, Dawn of the Dead at a shopping mall, An American Werewolf in London while two men are on holiday, The Evil Dead is in a cabin, Get Out is at his girlfriend’s family home.

There are exceptions, of course! Family home invasion films like The Purge, Funny Games and The Strangers are rooted in the violation of that home, but still. You’ll generally find that it manifests differently narratively speaking for men and women. Rear Window too takes place entirely in a man’s apartment – but it’s interesting to note that most of the ‘horror’ comes from him spying on somebody else’s home – notably a woman’s, The Descent too is very much about women and is set during cave diving. Still! These are all exceptions, not the rule.

Good Girls and Gendered Spaces

Every single space in Good Girls is gendered. It’s actually one of the things I seriously love about the show because it’s thoughtfully done, and it is deliberate. We know it is, because they tell us explicitly in the writing multiple times. I mean – hell, think of Ruby telling us (well, telling Rio, haha) way back at the end of 1.04 when they’re selling him on the idea of washing cash through Cloud 9 – “Nobody thinks twice about a woman buying her husband a TV or new tires for the minivan.” A store like that is gendered, and Ruby’s reinforcing it by saying it’s a place women go to build a home. It hasn’t been weaponized yet - - but our girls know how to weaponize it. They’re playing on the fact that people think women’s spaces are effectively impotent, and they’re telling Rio – and us as an audience – that they’re going to exploit it.

This is an idea the show revisits frequently. Women’s spaces are – both in life and in storytelling – spaces that are viewed as passive because they are representative of women, and what the show is – I believe – very invested in, is showing how those spaces are fundamentally active. If you want a house to represent a woman – well, okay. Then you get to see what’s under the rug, y’know?

I’m going to come back to the home thread – because I really do think it’s very important, and I think the way the show depicts people in those spaces (and invading those spaces) is significant – but it’s not just homes that are looked at in this way. The show is very specific about having feminine spaces and masculine spaces, with only a few in between (and usually those in-between spaces are very specifically for Stan and Ruby, showing just how in-sync they are with each other and how much they operate within a shared space). Beyond the women’s homes, there are the kids’ schools, Fine & Frugal (very important here to note that Annie emasculates Boomer in what is an associated female space and that he retaliates by attempting to rape her in her own home aka not only another female space, but a space that is symbolically Annie, something he repeats later with Mary Pat – a violation on essentially every character, narrative and symbolic level, again), the waxing salon, Nancy’s day spa, Jane’s dance recital (and actually the physical object of the dubby – being a highly feminine object lost in a very masculine space), and already what we know of s3, with Ruby being at a nail salon and Beth being at a paper / card store.

The show also has very masculinized places – I’d argue Boland Motors is one of the biggest ones – very much about ‘boys and their toys’, which is why Beth pointedly feminising it when she takes over is so significant and symbolically indicative of Beth’s claiming of that space; but also spaces like the police station, the drug dealer’s house in 2.07, the hotel suite Boomer briefly occupies, even to an extent the church. When the girls are in these spaces, there’s a distinct feeling of encroaching on territory that isn’t theirs, or being in spaces that they don’t belong in. This is often done as a two-hander too – the police station and the church Ruby doesn’t belong in anymore, not necessarily as a woman, but as a criminal.

Nothing though, from a technical standpoint, is more masculine than the spaces that are shown to be Rio’s. From the warehouse spaces to the bar to his loft to his car, Rio’s ‘places’ are distinctly masculine and generally placed in direct contrast with Beth’s femininity. But I’ll come back to that point too.

Home, Identity and Invasion

Almost every female character on this show has a very defined domestic space, from Beth, Ruby and Annie, to Mary Pat, Marion and Nancy. These spaces are representative of not just who they are, but who they are as women, and really comes to routinely represent the interior lives of these characters. This is probably the clearest in 2.09 when Beth is uncharacteristically messy following Dean taking their kids, and in 2.06, when Beth and Dean switch roles, and Dean is incapable of maintaining that domestic space because it’s not his. But let’s not start there.

Let’s start with Annie.

Annie’s apartment is fun, feminine (but not overly so), youthful, sweet, and generally a bit of organized chaos. It’s often underequipped – there are several mentions of the pantry being understocked – but it’ll always do in a pinch. More than anything though, Annie’s apartment comes to life when her son is in it. She’s happiest when he’s there, and when he’s not, her loneliness drives her to pulling people into the space with her, whether that’s the electronics guy, Greg, or Noah.

This is particularly significant when Annie’s forming bonds with people. The show has symbolically relied very heavily on Annie’s moments of vulnerability and connection being grounded in her apartment or an extension of it – usually her car. There was her reconnecting with Greg over YouTube videos in s1, there was Nancy and her talking about pregnancy in 2.02, and there was Noah settling in across season 2. These are all substantial moments in terms of Annie’s interior life that are represented through her home – she lets them all in. Which is why it’s significant what people do when they are in. Particularly the show marrying Noah getting to know Annie while simultaneously rifling through her belongings, trying to know specific things about her.

This is only reiterated by Noah’s scenes with Sadie later in the season – always at home, reiterating just how much Noah’s invaded Annie’s life, how much he’s inside her, how much he’s using everything and everyone who’s important to her, and how much he’s a threat to all of that too.

Ruby and Stan are a little different. Ruby’s house is the only one that’s genuinely shared with somebody, and the show represents this across the board – Ruby and Stan wear similar colours, the house feels like theirs, and the parts of their worlds that are separate are still frequently pretty defined by each other (even when Ruby’s acting away form Stan, the show makes it clear that Stan’s at the forefront of her mind, and vice versa). This indicates their partnership, but the house really still is symbolically tied to Ruby. This is particularly represented by the effect of having Turner in the house, but, more than that, it’s underlined symbolically by Turner arresting Stan at home. If the home symbolically carries the meaning of the woman, Turner arresting Stan there is starkly about Turner taking Stan away from Ruby. That image would not hold the same weight if he was arrested at, say, the park or the police station, because the locations don’t hold the same meaning.

It’s also why there’s significance in Stan and Turner’s showdown narratively speaking happening at the police station. It needs to, because symbolically it should occupy a masculine-coded space, because that showdown isn’t just about who they are as people, but who they are as men.

Beth and Beth’s house is very, very different to Annie and Ruby’s, and holds a more substantial narrative and symbolic function. From the very first episode, the potential of losing her house is key to her arc, and key to her identity as a character.

Beth is a lot of things, but a recurring image with her as a character is that she is invested in projecting a dated idea of ‘perfect womanhood’, and, within that, actually pretty perfectly creates parts of it for herself. For Beth – as somebody who was a housewife for roughly twenty years – her house really is her in every sense of the word. Every threat to that house, every disruption, every wrinkle, every intrusion, every theft, every invitation is personal. Dean might have at least two rooms in the Boland House, but that space is Beth’s on almost every symbolic level. When people pop into it, it’s a direct invasion of her.

This is something that the show has revisited time and time again, particularly when it comes to Beth’s bedroom. When people want to be close to Beth, that’s where they go. Annie slept there across season one when she was vulnerable and lonely, despite Beth telling her to go home, Jane broke into Beth’s closet there when she felt she was being neglected, Dean’s constantly trying to sidle into it (and – pointedly – only really in it when they’re fighting and Beth is revealing something / letting him in on something – that they’re out of money, that she has Rio’s money, that she knows about his affairs). When Beth has been at her most vulnerable, she lets Ruby and Annie into it. That said, the only character who’s been explicitly invited into it has been Rio – significantly both in fantasy, and in the show’s reality.

It’s not just about inviting people in though – when she kicks somebody out of it, the act is loaded.

She’s not just pushing somebody out of a space, she’s pushing them out of her.

It’s not just her bedroom of course (although I do think that’s the most significant space on perhaps the whole show). Rio and Turner between them have regularly invaded Beth’s living room, dining room, her kitchen, her yard. These are often distinctly tied with her doing something domestic and / or distinctly feminine. She’s bringing groceries home, she’s baking, she’s trying on jewellery, she’s mothering her children. Symbolically, this is often when Rio and Turner both are at their most masculine and their most threatening, which just serves to underline the invasion of Beth’s space.

It’s not just the girls though, as I said above. Female domestic spaces on this show are significantly coded as belonging to women, even if they share those spaces. Think about Nancy and Greg’s house – which is Nancy’s space, not Greg’s, and throughout season 1, Annie was pitted as the outsider to that. She’s a smear of hair oil on Nancy’s perfect couch. It’s made all the starker when Nancy kicks Greg out, and when Annie helps Nancy give birth in that house – a distinctly female, intimate act, that not only operates as a significant feminization of that space, but also about Annie fighting for Nancy to let her in again.

These spaces all keep secrets for the women they belong to too – Mary Pat’s husband’s dead body, Boomer’s very much alive one – because, again, symbolically, they are these women.

Rio’s loft is a really interesting one to look at in this context, because not only is it hyper masculine, but the show underlines that it does not hold the same significance that the girls’ places have for them. Beth does not learn Rio by being inside him – something made stark through their game of twenty questions. In fact, being in Rio’s loft, in his space, only serves to point out how much Beth doesn’t know him. Not only that, but Beth’s inability to lose her house (which is really central to her arc) is paralleled exactly with how easily Rio can separate from his.

The domestic space is not male.

Rio exists outside of it.

Beth x Rio and the Feminine x Masculine

Rio and Beth are basically at polar opposites of the masculine / feminine spectrum, and it’s something that this show often casts in a really stark light through dialogue, visual language, character coding and symbolism.

Beth epitomizes the old archetype of femininity and the female world in a way that I don’t think Annie and Ruby do (although I do think Ruby does in some respects). This is coded into almost every part of her character – from her long history of domestic servitude and marital submission (letting Dean control their finances, not working, keeping the house, etc.) to her fertility (four children!) to the way she dresses in floral, bakes, to certain traits, namely her nurturing tendencies, overt empathy and guilt (not being able to kill Boomer). Even in terms of the casting – Christina is somebody who has a very distinctly feminine body.  

On the other hand, Rio, in many ways, epitomizes the old idea of masculinity and the masculine world. He’s coded that way almost as much as Beth is coded as feminine – he’s physically strong (beating up Dean, holding Beth up while they were having sex), assertive, dominant, capable and collected. That’s not even touching on the fact that the golden gun is incredibly phallic, haha.

The show loves to place Beth’s femininity in direct contrast with Rio’s masculinity in a way that it doesn’t do with the other girls or – in fact perhaps more notably – with Beth and Dean (if anything, Dean’s frequently emasculated around Beth, but that feels like a whole other thing, haha), and it does this frequently, and often even in the same shot.

Most notably, think of her pearls on the warehouse door handle:

Their cars parked side-by-side:

Her necklace, his gun:

Her light, his darkness:

Her floral, his solid colours:

Interestingly though, these things are very rarely in competition or combative (although occasionally they are – Rio trying to use her femaleness and his maleness / their sexuality to literally bend her over a table in 2.06 being the clearest example of that). Generally speaking, the show’s visual language though shows us how these things compliment each other. They occupy different gendered spaces, so they can ‘crime’ in different ways – Beth using the big box stores, the secret shoppers, robbing the day spa, are all things that are highly feminised, and give Rio by proxy access to a world he ordinarily wouldn’t (albeit it’s not always a world he’s interested in – like it wasn’t with the botox), and the reverse of that is that Rio gives Beth access to spaces that are highly masculinised and that she ordinarily wouldn’t have access to (again, not always a world she’s interested in either). It’s why when they’re working together, and acknowledging they have different departments, they actually become something really whole, comprehensive and effective.

It’s the exploration of this that I find really intriguing generally, and particularly a thread that I think is reiterated where Beth’s usually at her worst and her most ineffective when she’s trying to emulate Rio’s masculinity. We saw that at the end of 1.10 and the start of 2.01, and I think we saw it at the tail end of season 2 too. When Beth’s succeeding, she’s typically doing something that revels in the strength and power and the underestimation of femininity and female spaces, and turns places that are typically viewed as passive into active ones.

The Secret Shoppers (which worked briefly! And fell apart because she couldn’t handle Mary Pat. Notably almost every scene with them was inside Beth’s house):

The day spa heist:

The Boland Motors takeover / reclamation that focused on feminising the place:

Pretending to be somebody’s mum to get into the kids’ space (which would’ve worked if Beth and Ruby hadn’t started fighting):

Breaking into Rio’s loft:

Again, this is something that seems to be being teased out already in s3 with the paper store and the nail salon, and I’m sure we’ll see it coming up again and again beyond that.

But yes! Your question, haha. I think Rio is enamoured with the strong, feminine space and the untapped female world that Beth exists in, and the ways that she is actively capable of utilising her femininity and her womanness in a way that is completely impossible for him. She can manipulate these spaces – either those already female, or those she makes female aka Boland Motors – in ways that he can’t, and in a way that, at the end of the day, lines his pocket, in the same way that giving her access to his powerful, masculine world lines hers. It’s market development, y’know? But it’s also something that could be a true and successful partnership if they could stop, y’know, playing games and trying to kill each other, haha.

I think it’s worth noting here too that the show has shown us explicitly that Beth absolutely gets off on Rio being highly masculine, and while I think Rio absolutely gets off on Beth being a boss bitch too, it’s also important to note how he responds to her when she’s displaying vulnerability in a way often defined as very feminine – namely crying – and how that display of femininity not only affects him, but often makes him want to touch her (and more and more, follow through on touching her).

Basically I think they’re as obsessed with the contrast between the two of them as we are, haha.  

[ehstarwar]

flesh stays no farther reason (1/6)

Great, she thinks, another horny creep trying to entice young women to hop into bed with them for roughly 30 seconds.

She reads the post anyways.

-

Five times Ben looks for Rey and the one time she finds him.

-

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5K

Read on AO3

Notes: 

my brain at 2a.m., assuring me that it'll be a one-shot: for the lady, perhaps a salad?

me, 5,000+ words in and only on their first meeting: [chuckling] perhaps not

-

1

what's to come is still unsure

She sees it on Reddit.

She doesn’t normally scroll through the website (certainly not subreddits like this) but she’s bored and can only take the same Buzzfeed quizzes so many times.

She’s not sure what led her to this page, how the rabbit hole of the internet made her search r/mseekingfcorusant but here she was, scrolling through the disjointed thoughts of horny guys in her area.

Posted by u/droidwrangerl88

need hot girl to bang. serious inquiries only.

Posted by u/mycumtastelikesarlacc

Any girls in the Coruscant area looking to hook up this evening? 38M seeking mid-20sF. Will split hotel bill.

Posted by u/hotbountyhunter3483

any females interested in shredded guy for an evening? willing to meet for drinks b4 hand, and will pay for ur drinks if ur hot. (943) 349-9684 ;)

Rey finds it consistently astonishing how gross and vulgar men can be when hidden behind a screen. But she is scrolling on this page out of her own free will, so it does seem a little ‘pot-calling-the-kettle-black-ish.’ Just as her finger goes to press back to the home-screen, a tiny blue bubble appears at the top of the page, indicating that there has been a new post made. Great, she thinks, another horny creep trying to entice young women to hop into bed with them for roughly 30 seconds.

She reads the post anyways.

Posted by u/KyL0_R3N

31M seeking similarly aged F for the evening of 05/17. I have an important meeting on the 18th and sex the night before proves to a good luck charm for me. Nothing too crazy or obscene, fairly vanilla to start off with, but willing to go further based on her desires.

Something in Rey clenches.

It’s by far the most eloquently phrased way of asking for sex that she’s seen thus far. He seems straightforward, which is refreshing, but she knows that the best of psychopaths are good at hiding their true intention.

She clicks to his profile.

He seems interested in pretty common threads. Cooking tips, best laundromats in Coruscant, Galaxy Battles discourse; all innocuous and nothing to indicate he would chop up whoever responds to his post. Maybe that’s why she sends him a message.

From u/R3yoflight

why not just download tinder?

everyone on tinder is looking for sex too.

She bites her lip as she presses send. It’s not the best conversation starter, she’s aware, but their semi-introduction was from him posting about wanting to have sex to preform well in a meeting. Formalities can be forgone, in this particular situation. It’s not like she’s trying to impress him either; she didn’t message him to accept is offer, just merely because she’s curious.

There’s a pang of nervousness when she hears the notification sound out that he’s responded.

From u/KyL0_R3N

There’s too much preamble on dating apps.

Also, I’m looking to have sex, not to date.

It seemed more advantageous

to be straightforward.

From u/R3yoflight

hmmmm

i guess that makes sense

(also advantageous is worth 17 points in

scrabble, so kudos)

have you gotten many interested respondents?

From u/KyL0_R3N

You’re the first.

From u/R3yoflight

who says i’m interested???

From u/KyL0_R3N

Well, you are the one who messaged me?

Also, my post has been up for only a few minutes,

so you’re the first respondent in any capacity.

From u/R3yoflight

oooohhh i feel special ☺️✨

From u/KyL0_R3N

You’ve yet to tell me if you’re interested.

Is she?

Is she really considering letting Mr. KyL0_R3N fuck her after meeting him through a publicly placed internet post and knowing next to nothing about him?

From u/R3yoflight

maybe??

idk v much abt u yet

how do i know ur not a serial killer

or that u actually are who u say u are

which u haven’t yet

said who u are, that is

From u/KyL0_R3N

I’m  31M. I work in Coruscant at a tech company.

I’m 6’3, 190lbs. I’m not a killer in any capacity.

You haven’t told me anything about yourself,

which hardly seems fair.

From u/R3yoflight

24F, 5’6, i’m not telling u my weight

i work at an auto shop downtown so i can

kick ur ass if ur lying abt not being a killer

From u/KyL0_R3N  

In order to kick my ass, we’d have to meet.

So, are you interested or not?

From u/R3yoflight

i shouldn’t be

From u/KyL0_R3N

I have the distinct feeling that you are.

Am I right?

From u/R3yoflight

...

yeah

-

He tells her his name is Kylo Ren, which she thinks sounds stupid and made up, but doesn’t press him. They hammer out some more details, agreeing to meet at the bar of a swanky hotel downtown first, and if all goes well, he’ll have a room reserved for them.

When she tells him that she can’t afford to pay any of the room, he dismisses her flippantly with a quick ‘I’ll take care of it’ that makes her chest feel tight.

They don’t talk much after that, only a message from her a few days before hand, making sure the plan was still on, and an affirmative from his side. But a few hours before they’re supposed to meet up, Rey gets a notification from him. It distracts her from the task at hand (precision shaving of her legs and… other parts), causing a knick on the back of her calf.

From u/KyL0_R3N

While I don’t think that we’ll be doing

anything that would require

a safe word, I’d like to have one in case.

From u/R3yoflight

i’ve never had a safe word.

what’s a good one?

From u/KyL0_R3N

It doesn’t have to be anything special.

We can stick to a traditional scale.

Green means you’re good.

Yellow means slow down.

Red means to stop entirely.

Does that work?

From u/R3yoflight

yeah thats good

why don’t you think that we won’t be doing

anything to justify a safe word?

you planning to go easy on me 😈

From u/KyL0_R3N

That depends, sweetheart.

How far are you willing to go?

Rey thinks for a moment. She should have some hard lines set, especially since he’s a total stranger. In fact, she shouldn’t be fucking a stranger at all. But she was in this far, so she may as well go all in.

From u/R3yoflight

i’m not super into choking but a lil breath play

is okay

no extreme bondage or degradation

maybe at some point but just… not now

anything in my ass will require a lot of work

before hand bc not much has been in there.

any hard no’s 4 u?

i’m on birth control so u can come inside me

if you want

From u/KyL0_R3N

I think we should stick to no

bondage/degradation/breath play for now

I’m not super into those anyways.

I’ll keep that in mind about your ass.

Maybe nothing in my ass. For now.

That about covers my no’s.

What are some of you hard yes’s?

From u/R3yoflight

i like being taken control of, dominated, i guess

kissing is big for me but i get it if u don’t like it

also major daddy kink but that can be

controlled if its not ur thing

what do u like

From u/KyL0_R3N

Very much yes to that Daddy kink and kissing.

I lean towards dom anyway, so that should work out.

I like hickeys. Giving and receiving.

I also have pretty good stamina, just a warning.

From u/R3yoflight

i like a man with good stamina ;)

u gonna wear me out tonight? 😈

From u/KyL0_R3N

Yes. Yes I am.

-

She gets there late. Unlike every other time she runs late for something, this time is purposeful. If he gets angry with her, she’ll know to leave. And she’s counting on that. Him giving her a reason to leave. She needs it so she doesn’t do something stupider than what she’s already doing now.

But when she arrives and see’s the absolute mammoth of a man, with long-is black hair and moles and big ears, Rey just knows she’s in for it.

He stands when he sees her. Realistically she knew that 6’3 was tall, but it’s still a bit shocking to her. One of his gargantuan hands is holding a beer, the other resting on the back of the chair. She spends a second too long admiring his form, earning a knowing-but-slight smirk from him.

“You’re Kylo.” It’s an unnecessary statement, because who else could he be, but one that is said all the same.

“And you’re Rey.”

His fucking voice. It’s too beautiful to be addressing her, she’s sure of it.

“Work ran over, that’s why I’m late.” She wasn’t going to give him an excuse, but the words fall out of her mouth.

“I’m familiar with that myself. It’s no trouble, really.” He holds the chair out for her, and she gracefully takes a seat. A server comes around and takes her drink order of a club soda before scurrying off.

“Nothing to relax the nerves?” He question, taking a sip of his drink.

“I prefer to have a clear head for…” She trails off. What does this qualify as? A hook-up? A booty-call? A job interview?

“Good girl.”

Her breath stops for a moment before she remembers its necessary to survive.

“You said you work for a tech company downtown; is it close?” She asks, hoping she sounds passive.

“Not far. I need to be close for tomorrow.” He never looks away from her; it makes her sweat.

The server comes back with her drink, and Rey takes a giant gulp, just for something to preoccupy her mouth.

“You said you work for an auto shop downtown. What do you do there?” He asks, eying her hands curiously. Rey worries that he’ll realize she wasn’t actually at work if her hands aren’t greasy, so she hides them under the table.

“I’m a mechanic,” She tells him, sitting up straighter.

“You’re…” He begins, but she cuts him off.

“A woman mechanic, yes. It’s not entirely uncommon.”

“I was going to say young.” She bites her lip. His voice doesn’t sound like its chastising her, but she feels bad all the same.

“Most men are uncomfortable with the fact that I know more about cars than them.” Rey doesn’t know why she continues to challenge him, but his reactions always surprise her.

It’s… nice.

“Do I seem like I’m uncomfortable by that?”

She regards him. “No, but you did proposition anyone with computer access, so I think your threshold for uncomfortable must be very high.”

He doesn’t laugh, per se, but the corners of his mouth lift and his cheeks become tight. She smiles at the sight.

“Seems that we’re both very bold. A female mechanic and an online propositioner. We make for quite a pair.”

“Hopefully that means the sex will be good.”

Kylo Ren does smile at that.

His hand is on the small of her back when they get in the elevator and Rey is actively trying to ignore the fluttering in her gut, which is why the words blurt out of her.

“My roommate knows where we are!” It’s a loud noise in an otherwise quiet area, but Kylo doesn’t seem startled by it. He just looks down at her. “I have to be back at the apartment, in person, by noon tomorrow or she’s calling the cops.” Rey is quieter now but her voice still shakes.

“My meeting is at 10, so you’ll have plenty of time to get back to your place. I can have my driver drop you off there, if you like,” He says.

“Thats… not why I’m telling you. But that you. I mean, my roommate will know if something bad happens to me. So it would be wise of you to not kill me.” Rey gulps.

Kylo’s hand comes to her face and brushes a piece of hair behind her ear.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Rey.” His voice is soft. “I’m not going to kill you, or hit you, or do anything you don’t want me to do.” She’s facing him now. “If you feel uncomfortable, I wouldn’t be mad. You can leave whenever you want.”

“But what do you want? You’ve asked me what I’ve wanted in every interaction we’ve had, but all I know is that you want to fuck somebody so that you’re not nervous or whatever tomorrow. Do you even want me? Or was I just the first person who responded to you post? It goes both ways, ya know. You need to tell me what you want, too.”

His hand brushes the side of her jaw, his eyes trail down her face, no doubt seeing the nervous expression she wears.

“I want you, Rey.”

-

His lips are on hers the moment the door is shut. His hand cradles the back of her head as he shoves his body against hers, pinning her to the wall. His other hand grips her hip and will definitely leave a bruise. She loves it.

But his warm, wet mouth on hers with his plush, pink lips makes any coherent thought leave her head. She moans into his mouth, hands trying desperately to pop open the buttons of his shirt. She makes a sound of frustration when the last stubborn button won’t come undone, and his hands are there in an instant, ripping the thing straight off. She slides her hands along his toned chest as his tongue invades her mouth. When her hands venture further south, they find the more than impressive bulge straining against his slacks.

“I should’ve… asked you earlier…” He says into her mouth as he sucks off the remaining shirt and suit jacket, “if you… like… dirty talk.” Rey keens against him, forcing his mouth to go to her neck as she breathes out a chant of ‘yes, yes, yes.’

Kylo makes a noise of approval before hoisting her into his arms. Rey’s legs instinctively wrap around his hips as he walks them towards the bed.

“Good, because it would be a shame not to be able to tell you that I can’t wait to taste your cunt.”  

Rey has died.

She has died and gone to whatever afterlife will have her.

She never wants to leave it.

“You… don’t… you don’t have to…” She manages to say between kisses. Kylo pulls back from her then, eyes dark, hair a mess, lip red and bitten.

“I want to. Will you let me?” Rey nods so fast she’s worried her neck will be sore. His hands ruck up her cotton dress, until he decides that the offending material will need to be off all together. She’s left in her black bralette and underwear and Kylo stares down at her.

“My tit’s aren’t that big. I’m sorry if you were looking forward to-”

“They’re perfect,” He cuts her off by kissing down her chest, mouthing her nipples through the dark fabric. The heat of his mouth combined with the coolness of the room make her nipples stand at attention, pebbling at the fabric.

Kylo depends further, and puts his entire face against her still-clothed pussy, inhaling and licking her through the fabric. Rey is a whiny mess against the sheets, hair in every direction, full body blush. She hopes he thinks she’s hot because, god, she’s never sen anyone like him.

Kylo takes of her panties and immodestly begins lapping at her cunt, no warning or hesitation, making Rey give something of a moan and a yelp. Her hand goes to his hair, feeling the luscious locks between her fingers. His hands go to her ass, lifting her up slightly so he gets a better angle.

“You’re… too good… at this…” She manages between breaths. Rey would bet anything he’s smirking against her.

Kylo uses his nose to rub at her clit before alternating between kitten licks and sucking on it. It takes no time at all for Rey to come. So quickly, in fact, that she would be embarrassed if she could move. Her whole body is on fire as he licks her through it, occasionally using a hand to brush at her nipples. The tears streaming out of her eyes and drool gathering at the corner of her mouth must make her look ghastly, but Kylo doesn’t seem to mind.

When he finally sits back, still between her legs, she can make out the bulge from earlier, now even more prominent.

He’s looking down at her, at the mess he’s made of her, and against every instinct, she lets him.

“I don’t normally come that fast,” she tells him. Her voice is quiet even now, and she knows it’ll be strained tomorrow. Good, something to remember him by.

“It won’t take me that long to come, either,” he admits, having the kindness to look sheepish as he says it.

“Then what are you waiting for?”

Kylo represses a smile.

He gets off the bed, shucking his pants, underwear, and socks off in one felt swoop, leaving him gorgeously bare before her. If she though the bulge was impressive, the real thing is even better. His cock is red and pointed upwards as he stands across from her. His hand goes to pump himself a few times, smearing the precome along his length. Rey can’t help but reach out, whole body going with her as she opens her mouth to bring Kylo towards her. His hand stops her, gently, and she looks up at him in confusion.

“I want to suck you off,” She tells him, brows still furrowed.

“Later,” he tells her.

Kylo pulls her back up the bed with him, so that he hovers over her as he kisses her again. She still taste herself on him, but can’t find the heart to care. Her hands go to wrap around him, feeling the thickness for herself. Huge is an understatement. But Rey’s always been ambitious.

She pumps him a little, feeling him nearly whimper in her mouth.

“You gonna let me fuck you, baby?” he murmurs.

“Yes… yes please…”

Rey feels his hand come over hers as Kylo slots himself between her legs and aligns his cock to her core. He slides in, slowly, stretching her the whole way. She pants against his skin, digs her nails into his shoulder.

“Tell me if it’s too much.” His voice sounds strained, like he’s holding back from her.

“It’s good, daddy… so good…” she pants.

He whines some curses against her skin as he finishes seating himself inside of her.

“… so good, sweetheart. Takin’ me so well… taking your daddy so well,” He mumbles, pressing kisses to any part of her skin. Rey can already feel the beginning of another orgasm itch inside of her, and for the first time in a while, she has no doubt that Kylo will get her there.

“Daddy… you can move… please,” She’s breathless as she asks him. He groans above her and rest his forehead against hers.

His hips being to move, still slow, but making her breath hitch ever shallow thrust.

“Tight… so tight for me…” He mumbles. Rey takes a minute to look at him, really look at him. He’s flushed, skin damp, but he’s still so very handsome. Moles dot his face and she can’t resist using a hand to trace them. His hair tickles her nose, so she pushes it back behind his ears, which are a bit too big for his head but she adores them.

Kylo lets Rey take him in, but gets her attention back to the moment with a quick snap of his hips.

“Can you come again?” He asks, and Rey nods. His mouth depends on her neck, sucking hickeys to every patch of skin it finds, as he pushes into her. She can feel the bump of his cock every time he bottoms out, a sensation she’s never felt before, and it makes her clench him every time. His hand skates down between them to get to her clit, and he quickly begins rubbing her there.

“Gonna let me fill you with my come? Gonna be a good girl and hold it all in? Can you do that for me baby? Huh?” His words send shivers down her spine, aiding in his pursuit to get her to come again. She mumbles incoherent words of approval, trying to tel him “yes, yes! I’ll be your good girl!” but speech fails her at the moment.

But Rey knows Kylo understands what she’s trying to say.

She feels his rhythm falter and his hand speeds against her clit. She tightens her legs around his hips, trying to wordlessly tell him she’s close too.

“Please, baby, please come for me…” His voice is desperate and strained and makes her shudder. Her hips find purchase against the base of his cock, in combination with the movement of his fingers, and she’s thrust into the abyss again.

Kylo holds her against him as she comes, whole body vibrating, and he follows after her. He grunts against a pillow as he comes, and Rey is distantly aware that he’s actually biting the poor thing. His come is hot within her, and she feels him pulse as he keeps slamming his hips to hers. The slapping of skin slows as she feels his body let go of the tension, and Rey is boneless beneath him.

He lays on her, still half-hard inside of her, as they come down from their mutual high. They are both breathing so heavily that speaking is out of the question, at least for a while. Kylo pulls out of her, and a mad rush of fluid starts to leak out of her. She clenches, remembering his words from earlier.

Part of her expects a coldness afterwards; after all, that’s what most sex has been for her. Once he’s come, he leaves. It’s the oldest story in the book. And for all Kylo’s talk of ‘stamina’, there’s still a part of her that expects it’s just a façade.

But he doest leave her, cold and debauched, to get redressed and make a hasty exit. Instead, he plants a kiss to the side of her jaw and rubs her torso sweetly before helping her sit up. She’s weak, and he knows it.

“We need to get you cleaned up,” He says when she slouch against him. She mumbles something unintelligible into his skin. Instead of getting rough with her, Kylo just soothes her. “Women are 38% more likely to get a UTI if they don’t pee after sex. That’s not a parting gift I’d like to give you,” he elaborates.

Rey sighs, but lets Kylo get her to the bathroom.

-

They sleep in spurts.

For a few hours after their first time, before Kylo wakes her with the incessant press of his hard cock into her abdomen. (He takes her even more slowly that time, sleepy and still blissed out. He comes before she does, but he uses his fingers to get her there, still.)

A few hours after that, Rey makes good on her promise to get her mouth on him, waking him with her mouth already working him. (His come tastes bitter and tangy, but she swallows it because it’s his.) She sits on his face afterwards, letting his tongue get her off again.

The next time she wakes, Kylo is kissing her chest, licking at her now oversensitive nipples. There’s a faint light peaking through the windows and Rey knows their time is coming to an end. She runs a hand through his hair to indicate she’s awake now, but he keeps on in his pursuit. Only when her chest spit-covered and shiny does Kylo seem satisfied with his work, and lifts his head to look at Rey.

“Good Morning,” She mumbles, voice strained as expected, and still groggy from sleep. He hums his response, and presses a sweet, lingering kiss to her lips.

Rey glances at the clock, noting its just past 7, when they both sit up in bed. Kylo goes to say something, but is cut off by the grumbling of Rey’s stomach. Her cheeks heat as his voice falls silent.

“Sorry… I haven’t eaten since yesterday morning,” she admits. Kylo’s brow furrows for a moment, but the dark expression passes fleetingly.

“Let’s rectify that first, shall we?”

-

The breakfast menu for room service is extensive, and Kylo orders one of everyone instead of actually looking it over. Rey can only half-heartedly try to tell him it was too much, when her eyes catch a glimpse of the fluffiest looking waffles she’s ever seen. Kylo had only kissed her head and ordered before walking into the shower.

It arrives in record time, a result, she’s sure, of the high-class hotel he got for them. The room, which she’d been too preoccupied to notice last night, is opulent. A bit gaudy for her taste (were gold curtains really necessary), but Rey was in no position to complain. She hesitated to put on actual clothes, instead opting for the plush robe that hung in the wardrobe.

Rey is half into the whole meal when Kylo emerges from the bathroom, towel hung low on his hips and hair still damp. Rey bites her lip so hard she draws blood. He sits across from her, picking up the two plates she hand’t touched.

“Greek Youghert and fruit? Don’t you want a waffle? I saved some whipped cream for you.” She extends the aforementioned whipped cream, earring her a slight smile from Kylo.

“You’re very kind, but no thank you. This is what I eat every morning,” he tells her. Rey scrunches her face. Kylo pours himself some black coffee too, and Rey finds the will to keep her mouth shut.

They eat in companionable silence, Rey scarfing down whatever her hands touch, and Kylo methodically eating his healthy-dude breakfast. Rey notes that neither of them are on their phones; it’s perhaps the first meal she’s had with someone in a while where that’s the case. Like everything else that’s made her heart flutter with him, she tries to ignore it.

Once the table is thoroughly pillaged, Kylo gets up to get dressed and says nothing when Rey hops on the bed and continues to watch him. He’s not embarrassed by nudity, clearly, and tosses the towel away for a solid 5 minutes before putting on underwear.

He’s fully dressed shortly and applies some product to his hair that has writing in french, yet Rey is still wearing only the robe and probably still has his come on her thighs. And other areas.

Part of her thinks he’ll just carry on with his routine as if she’s not there. He’ll pack his suit from the night before and leave the room without an second glance her way. Much to her relief, she’s wrong.

When he’s finally ready, Kylo turns toward her, leans down, and plants a soft kiss directly on her lips. It’s an infinitely more affectionate gesture than she had expected going into this, but a welcome one all the same. He stares fondly down at her when their lips part.

“The room is yours to use until 4 P.M., but I remember you have a noon curfew,” He tells her. Suddenly, Rey regrets telling Rose to call the national guard if she’s not physically in her presence before the clock strikes 12.

“I guess I’ll make do,” She teases.

They fall silent again, and for the second time that morning Kylo goes to say something, but falls short. The silence becomes too much for Rey to bear, so her cursed mouth opens of it on volition.

“I’m not sure how these are supposed to work… one night stands, I mean,” She admits. Something in Kylo’s face falls, but Rey can’t quite tell what.

“I don’t have much experience with these either,” he tells her. Rey shuffles onto her knees, so that they’re both eye-level, and extends her hand. Kylo looks at it with a hint of confusion mixed with amusement.

“Well, you’ve been a wonderful reddit-fuck. Thank you for posting,” she says, giving a mega-watt smile. He sakes her hand.

“And you’ve been a wonderful reddit-fuck-respondent. Thank you for critiquing my going about soliciting sex.” Rey opens her mouth in an exaggerated offense, but Kylo cuts her off with another sweet kiss.  

She melts into it, holding his hair with her hands, letting herself mold to his torso as his tongue swipes her lower lip. The kiss is wonderful and hot and sweet all at the same time and makes her head spin.

When it’s over and she’s caught her breath again, a pang of nervousness infiltrates her consciousness. It’s over, it whispers, you’ll never see him again if you don’t do anything. He’ll leave, just like everyone else, if you let him.

“Do you have any more meetings?” She practically shouts at him. Kylo looks confused for a moment, so she goes on. “I just mean… if you needed someone to help… prepare you for your meetings, there’s a chance I’d be available.” Her voice grows softer as she keeps talking, suddenly feeling like an idiot for suggesting that at all. Before she has a  chance to spiral, Kylo brings her back.

“I do… I mean, I will. That would be… very gracious of you, to offer you help.” She bites her lip to keep from smiling too hard.

“Okay, good.” She nods at him, relief washing over her as she realizes she might not be the only one who doesn’t want to let this go.

It’s a new feeling that probably shouldn’t be attached to a person whom was very clear about their desire for a no-strings hook up, but Rey has always had a preference for things that are challenging.

Kylo Ren seems as good a challenge as any.

-

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[scoundrels-in-love]

Did you slip in through open doors and sit down, just to look at me like that (every day) | Chapter 2 - Jaime I

Brienne doesn’t mean to lie to her father. She just wants him to stop trying to set her up with men who aren’t Jaime Lannister, whom she’s secretly in love with. Unfortunately, that’s exactly who eagerly inserts himself in the narrative as her fake boyfriend. And her father is coming to King’s Landing in two weeks.

Truly, what could go wrong?

Also on AO3. Still part of @jbmonthlymadness Mutual Pining March.

He is so, so fucked.

Not quite the same way he thought a week ago, but still very much fucked.

Jaime glances over to where Brienne is watching a game on the couch for what feels like the hundredth time this half hour. While that itself isn’t unusual, everything else is. Tenseness in her shoulders he isn’t sure he will lure out with a stupid joke and then slay with even worse one, the way they’ve barely spoken to each other today and that his heart is being harshly kneaded by some huge, clawed animal. He’d say it’s a lion, but considering his House that feels just a little cliche .

Though, according to Elia, he is a walking cliche and a terribly executed one, at that. He sighs, realizes that the beer bottle really isn’t where he’s blindly grabbing for it, and averts his gaze from his fake girlfriend. There is exactly one word too many in that title and it’s neither girl or friend. If only he could convince Brienne of the same.

Jaime has tried , he really has. Gotten up earlier to make sure he can prepare her coffee and go on a jog with her, kissed her goodbye on the cheek, pestered her into having a lunch during work hours and ordered takeout to arrive just after she got home the days he knew he’d be home even later than her, sent her obscure memes about animals he found on some nature activist group on Raventome that he frankly didn’t get but hoped she would and have a good laugh between work and more.

Granted, he does all these things regularly anyway (except the cheek kisses, but he isn’t sure they’re as much of a highlight of the day for her as they are for him), but now it’s daily. And it’s not a bother, like Brienne tries to convince him to think, and Jaime would gladly do it for the rest of the foreseeable future. Even waking an hour earlier, although he likes to think that if they were properly dating, he’d persuade her to explore other workouts they could do in the time without leaving the house.

Elia suggested it’s because she’s stressed about the convention, but Jaime knows better. (“Of course you do, that’s why you suggested to be her fake boyfriend instead of telling her you’ve been head over heels for her for years now.”) No, Brienne’s work has nothing to do with the skittishness in her eyes, the way she freezes when he presses lips to her delightfully reddening cheek, sometimes daring to brush corner of her mouth or lingering a second too long because her proximity makes him a little dizzy, or stumbles over conversations topics as if they are larger than boulders she can easily best when hiking. She doesn’t even shut down his flirtations anymore - instead she looks away and mumbles something or trips into the next topic.

Their new arrangement is the cause, and the realization has been rolling toward him like a house sized morning star down a gentle slope.

“Jaime? Movie’s starting,” subject of his sweet agony and worry calls out and Jaime realizes he has quite literally spaced out. And that perhaps his inner narrator is going a little overboard. Elia would have another laughing fit if she knew.

He grabs the snacks and another beer and presents them to her with a smile, falls heavily in his spot that earns a little bit of glare from Brienne because, of course, she’s concerned for the springs and one of these days he will tell her he can think of more interesting things to wreck their couch with. ‘One of these days’ feels like an awful stretch and ‘a mountainclimb later’ sort of thing, though. He heaves a sigh.

“Everything alright, Jaime?” she asks and he looks at her, armed with a bright smile and an easy no, when they crumble faced with concern that colors the blue of her eyes deeper, yet gilded shade like the last glimpse of sunset paints the sea. Of course Brienne finds time to worry about him, despite seemingly thinking she’s standing between two cannons labelled ‘work’ and ‘fake boyfriend’, ready to shoot.

He wants to pull her close and press a kiss to her furrowed brow so much he can physically feel an alternate reality, one where he’s braver and does just that, manifest.

Unfortunately, in this one Jaime only laughs and plops his head in her lap, facing the TV. “Of course I am, B. But if you’re so worried, you can always pet my head and tell me it’s going to be alright.” He likes it when she says that, the way she sets her jaw mulishly and seems to simply talk it into existence with sheer willpower and kindness. But never for herself, only others.

Brienne stills for a moment, then, much to his relief, makes indigant noise and pushes at his shoulder slightly but with no real force. “I’m not a cushion, Jaime” she tells him and he shifts just so he can grin up at her.

“C’mon, I’ve been a good boyfriend this week, have I not earned one lap cushion coupon? I must use it before it expires.”

“ Fake boyfriend,” she says seriously and Jaime looks at the screen again so she can’t witness his grin shattering like the window of Casterly Rock’s kitchen when he had been six and too eager while playing ball. He might feel even more chastised than after the lecture Tywin had given him, which had left a stone grinding sharp edge in his gut for a week.

“Fine, but I am not going to pet your head. You are not an overgrown housecat, no matter how much you may act as one,” Brienne relents, but by the end of the movie, she brushes back a strand he has shaken into his eyes and halfway through the second movie, she actually runs her hand through his hair and he barely manages to remain still, instead of following her hand like foam graces a wave’s edge.

All things considered, Jaime feels re-energized for the next week and his little war campaign on Brienne’s heart. He likes to think of it as war, though she is not a thing to conquer despite her truly formidable walls, just to trounce the narrative she has set for herself.

Once, before that fatefully shitty night when a pipe in his first own apartment burst and Brienne had invited him to stay over until it was fixed (and then he never really left), they had talked about who they would be in Targaryen and Stark eras, both revealing their dreams about knighthood.

Already knowing her love for ridiculous, historical(ly inaccurate) romance novels, he had joked if she’d not like ballads written about her instead, but Brienne’s face had shuttered and she had reminded him that no one would go to war for her . “I would rather defend the innocent and fight than stay home a sad and unmarried maid,” she had concluded, before going off about Blue Knight and other warrior women of Tarth. Jaime had already known back then that in any lifetime she’d be worthy of many great songs - of love and otherwise. But the bridge of their friendship was tentative still and he had had no intentions of being the one to lay the siege on her heart.

And when he had wanted to, he had already been so deep in the annoying, best friend role and still so utterly not having his shit together he didn’t feel he had the right to start the march. Someone better would surely come along. Except no one has, three years later still, and Brienne seems to think it’s a sign she only deserves a photoshopped suit-hanger and Jaime would rather be pierced endlessly by her glowering and risk her friendship that he treasures above anything he has ever known, than passively let her continue believing that.

For now, he’s only dying because of work, as they are currently quite swamped. It doesn’t help at all that his brain is a little (or a whole lot, but who’s counting) occupied with various Romance-Brienne-So-Hard-She-Doesn’t-Know-What-Hit-Her strategies. His plans for Friday come to immediate stop when he arrives home and finds Brienne fallen asleep at the kitchen table, her laptop’s screensaver of pixelated Kingslayer and Blue Knight from their favorite cartoon bouncing around the screen. He had installed it the first week of living here and despite her initial grumbling, she has never changed or disabled it.

This would be easier if Brienne’s one quirk when working at home wasn’t changing her workspace every few hours, as if it helps her think. It’s one of her most restless habits and typically, Jaime finds it adorable, but now that he has to haul half-asleep Brienne to her room he… Who is kidding, he also finds it endearing.

“Jaime, I can walk,” she scoffs, but leans on him anyway and when he helps her lay down on the bed, her eyes are soft and a little dazed and he thinks of early spring mornings, when nothing but the birds and clouds are awake yet, against the blueness of the sky.

Brienne curls up and he pulls a blanket over her and she gives him a sleepy smile, so warm that the consistent pull toward her feels anchored to the sun itself. He follows it and leans down and presses lips to her forehead. She exhales softly and when he pulls back, her eyes are closed, but there’s an almost sad turn to her lips.

“I really don’t want this to end, Jaime.” Her voice is so quiet he almost doesn’t hear - he wouldn’t if he wasn’t so close. His heart does an odd thing in his chest, something that would make it more of a rope dancer than a lion leaping through a ring of fire.

Jaime brushes a strand of her hair back, gently, in an attempt to reassure what odd fear has burrowed into her heart. He shouldn’t be so happy every time Brienne expresses she doesn’t want to lose him, but even her brilliant light can’t erase generations of carefully cultivated selfishness. “It doesn’t have to.”

“But it will.” And then she nuzzles deeper in the pillow and he knows this is a conversation to be finished (or maybe repeated) when she’s actually awake. Quietly, he walks out of the room and when the door has shut gently, bounces toward the living room with a grin that everyone would tell him begs for a punch.

There is hope for him yet.

[singlebutspokenfor]

Lean Back

It’s no coincidence that “Do Not Worry” is written in the Bible 365 times. 

Honestly, nothing is ever really coincidence when you step into the realization that there is a God who is always working everything for good (Romans 8:28). But how many times as single, Christian women do we find ourselves stepping into that fear, anxiety, or worry about our future hubby? We say we know that God’s in control, but then constantly have that radar going.

“Where’s my hubby?” “Could that be him?” “Oh he’s cute. Is he single?”

Exhausting. 

I spoke before about how we don’t need to find our identity in our relationships. 

Still true, but another thought on that was brought to my attention by one of my very best friends. 

As Christian women we want to marry a Christian man. Right? 

The Bible tells us that men are to be leaders. I know this is going to step on some toes, but hear me out. We’re being raised in a female empowerment generation. I’m all for women. I love women. It’s my entire heart. Women are literally my calling. God put women on my heart intentionally. I love seeing the “Aha moments” in a woman’s eyes when she understands God’s purpose for her life and understands God is so very in love with her. When a woman understands that she doesn’t need a man to fulfill her life because she’s full in who God says she is (Completely Complete) it makes my whole day. Heck, it makes my life!

But we’re missing it.

This whole “I am woman, hear me roar. I don’t need no man” vibe is completely missing it.

We shouldn’t need a man to make us feel fulfilled. Absolutely agreed. We should understand that God made us intentionally perfect in HIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, Completely Complete. 

But what does God say about “needing a man?”

Genesis 2:18

The LORD God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Bahaha holy humbling. 

This doesn’t mean that women are supposed to passively sit back, be quiet, and “know their place in the kitchen.” Ew. No. If you know me at all you know I'm too strong willed a woman to be put into that box. Also, I'm no cook.. if you find me in the kitchen (at this point in my life) it’s to use the microwave. 

I’m all for women in leadership. But God’s intention is that we are not only designed to be with a man, but are designed to partner with him and support him. IN GOD’S PERFECT TIMING. 

Men are supposed to be the leader in relationships. Men are supposed to pursue. It’s God’s design. I believe that fully. This doesn’t mean we should want an arrogant douche.. But as a Christian woman we should want that strength and GODfidence that God wants for all of us. We not only want to be swept off our feet, but that’s God’s design. God wants strong Christian men to pursue a beautifully strong Christian woman who is so secure in who she is because she knows who God says she is. 

This doesn't mean women should passively sit by in their homes praying their hubby shows up at their door (although I do believe God’s that powerful). This means we should be an active part of our community so that a man has the potential to sweep you off your feet! It’s so silly to me how many of my girlfriends will sit on their couch complaining about not having a man and not show their face outside of their job. Just show up and watch God move!

This being said, if we are a ‘Christian woman seeking a Christian man’ then what are you doing, sis? Why the heck have we taken it upon ourselves to pursue so hard? We do all the heavy lifting in dating and then wonder why our man isn’t stepping up in any other aspect of the relationship? We ask guys out. We plan the dates. We text first. We drop everything just to make ourselves available for that one guy. We DTR for them. We make the first moves.. And then complain that our boyfriend doesn’t try. We complain that they aren’t motivated or romantic or they don’t make us feel loved.. How can they when you’ve put the whole relationship on your back since day one?!

STOP PURSUING. 

I’m so serious. Y’all going to think I'm crazy. (You’re right.. she crazy)

STOP PURSUING. Stop leading and be lead! Not in a passive way! But in a way that reminds you of your own ding dang worth, sis! God loves us that much! God wants a man to come in and remind you how much GOD loves you by loving you the exact same way! By actively pursuing your heart just like our God does every single day. 

We’ve made normal that instant gratification to a point where we won’t wait to be pursued. We swipe to find someone who will tell us we’re pretty and then get confused when he doesn’t want to have a real conversation. We let guys use us and then are curious why they aren’t thinking marriage. We plan every single part of the relationship from picking him out in a line up to when we want that perfect wedding and then wonder why our dude doesn’t feel like a man. 

This isn’t God’s design. God wants you to be with someone who is a constant reminder of how precious you are. God wants you to be with someone who loves you no matter what. God wants us to be with someone who will never make you question your importance. God wants you to be with someone who will pursue your heart and soul, not your body. God wants you to be with someone who reminds you exactly who He says you. 

You already are so loved. You already are so taken care of. You are so appreciated. You’re smart. You’re so perfect. You are an incredible wife. Already. You are worthy of God’s Unconditional Love!

So why do we worry so freaking much where our hubby is? Why do we question when he’ll show up or question our worth because he isn’t around yet? Why are we walking around with radars on our head constantly checking if his last name works with your first the second you meet him?

What if instead of that being our first thought, we just lived life knowing, first, that God loves us SO MUCH (Unconditionally) that He has such cooler plans for your marriage than you even do? Then secondly, when we meet guys it’s just an opportunity to love other people just like He does. Friendships are awesome. What if that was our intent? God’s plan. 

What if that was our heart? God’s Kingdom.

What if we just lean back and know that God’s got it? 

Something tells me that it’d be a lot better if we did. 

[ace-theatre-ghosts]

Hi, I Am Asexual/Ace

I am just sharing where I am coming from as an ace person. These are by no means guidelines for all ace people but the goal here is to inform or expose. To share with you personally a little bit about what it’s like to be ace. Lately, I’ve had to come out all over again to a variety of different kinds of people who don’t seem to know much about what being asexual actually implies.

Let’s start with a few definitions---

Asexual: someone who is not sexually attracted to others.

Demisexual: someone who only feels sexual attraction after forming an emotional connection.

Aromantic: someone who is not romantically attracted to others.

These definitions are important because there are people who think that being any of these things means that those who identify with them don’t have sex or are afraid or can’t have certain connections with others (whatever it may be). Breaking it down very basically- this is all about attraction not activities. It is all solely about the individual who identifies as one of these. It’s kind of like- someone who is Roma is not Romanian but there are Romanian Roma. So, someone who is asexual isn’t sexually attracted to someone but there are asexual people who are repulsed or indifferent about sex and prefer not to have  it. LIKE ME! Yeah.

I am indifferent about sex and in some ways repulsed by it. I don’t like it, I don’t want to have it, I don’t think it is necessary in relationships (and if you really want to get deep, I certainly don’t think it should play a major part in ANY relationship but that’s just me). You cannot change this. I have had a significant other that thought this was flexible, like if only the right dude came along (like he would be the right dude, uhm excuse me).

When I pursue deeper relationships beyond friendships, they are strictly platonic. I have yet to compromise my lack of sex life for a relationship and I don’t expect to.

^ Nor do I expect to become demisexual. But- who knows. Not current me’s problem.

I consider myself aromantic. Aromantic and asexual are different, you can be one or the other or both. I don’t feel the need to be in a relationship and lack romantic desires so therefore- aromantic.

I feel the need to say this a few times just so y’all get the point- THIS DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP! Some asexual people just so happen to not desire a significant other- some do. A lot do, actually. While I am not chasing anyone down, I am not against being in a relationship.

I acknowledged that I might be ace when I was 15 or 16. I always thought the sexual feelings would just eventually be there- as if they are some vital part of development. Buuuut. They didn’t. SO... Uhm. I came to full terms with being ace when I was 17. But I’ve sort of always, I guess, known... I think that’s what I’m supposed to say but I really wasn’t too educated on the whole thing until I even got to high school.

I am not 100% out for a lot of reasons. This isn’t common knowledge among my family or even some of my closest friends. I’ve been close to someone since I was 13 who does not currently know I am asexual. Unless he’s reading this now in which case SURPRISE *as it rains gray, purple, white, black confetti* Some of my friends- it isn’t necessarily that they’ll reject me but that I don’t think they’ll understand to the point it would hurt our friendship. To be honest, everyone is different and being ace is important- but it isn’t all I am. Someone knowing or not knowing won’t change anything about me and our friendship means more.

I pursue intimate friendships. I tend to cling to small groups of people. Like “quality vs quantity” I guess. I’m an open book overall but I prefer being an open book to smaller amounts of people instead of a bunch-- if that makes any sense. There is a lot of potential it doesn’t.

Being ace doesn’t make friendships and feelings any easier and I don’t really know why people would think that. Then again- I don’t know why people think a lot of the things they do about asexuality or why they ask some of the things they do. I mean, even writing this I’m sitting here thinking, “I can’t believe I actually have to answer this question, why is this even important.” Or I am going through some of the things that have been said to me after coming out and I wonder what is so hard to understand. Anyway, you’ll of see why I would think that in a minute.

I have been in relationships beyond intimate friendships. I don’t really feel like going into depth about this but if you really want to know- certainly ask because I do tell. Usually with a lot of passive aggressive remarks for flavor but I do tell nonetheless.

I do not share my personal sex life (partner or no partner ;) ) with others so don’t ever ask. I’ve told you all you need to know.

I don’t identify as gay or straight or anything else that points me towards a particular gender. I can tell you that my type tends to be masculine and I don’t necessarily discriminate against genders. But as for the types of people I’ve had some serious feelings for: butchy girls, trans men, men... I think you get the point. And I would prefer to be with someone who is also asexual, I just see it going better when both parties are equally yoked and have an understanding agreement vs a compromising agreement. I think it would make everyone happier. But hey- I’ve also never really pursued a relationship with anyone who isn’t ace. Feelings for non-ace, yes. Relationship with non-ace, yes. Pursued non-ace, no... (yeah that probably tells you too much about my dating life...)

I feel alone. Like. A lot. Because while I tend to feel intimate with people without needing a relationship- they don’t. I can care a lot for people who aren’t my significant other but I don’t feel like anyone cares about me the way I care about them. And as for what it’s like to actually pursue relationships, I face the issue of losing out on a relationship because I won’t have sex. A lot of people don’t want a relationship with an ace person or they think they can change that ace person by, “being the right one,” and that just isn’t the case. In fact, a lot of ace people face the issue of sexual assault when with non-ace partners due to lack of good communication and failure to properly recognize signals (or lack there of). Anyway, I feel like no one really understands where I’m coming from and how I am feeling. Like there’s something missing and I don’t really know how to describe it so I wish I could just transfer my feelings to other people, and they magically understand. But. I can’t, so... Here I am writing about it I guess and that’s just how life goes.

yeah so I’ve never really felt like I’m missing out on sex. Logically speaking- if you were to feel that way then... Would you still identify as asexual? I am not entirely too sure about this answer. It’s probably a yes but... that just doesn’t really sit with me as being simple.

Yes... I know what sex is and how it’s done. Thanks. I really... Really could care less for your worldly wisdom and middle school health lesson. Honestly just- THINK about it (sorry this is personal, stick with me).

No I don’t take birth control so I don’t get pregnant... Like most girls don’t take birth control so they don’t get pregnant.

Why do you care if I’m a virgin or not? Why does this even matter? Who asks?! I know who asks... People ask. A lot. Like. Why is this relevant information. This may be (historically) one of my most asked questions. That and, “are you gaaay.”

Being ace is not my “identifying characteristic” and if anyone thinks it is- I would prefer to try to inform them or distance myself from them. Like this isn’t the most important thing going on in my life 24/7. And fuck no, I’m not (will not be) your token ace friend. I am a girl who just so happens to be ace. This is (btw) why I can’t believe I have to answer some of the questions I do (if you recall from a few answers ago).

When I dress in what is considered “sexually provocative clothing,” it is for my personal fashion (like it probably would be for anyone else)- not provocative purposes. I like my boobs, what can I say?

My friends really confuse what it means to be asexual. Having to re-explain this to new people is really frustrating and anxious because I never know how people will react or how I will react to those reactions. I am very open minded of what other people think but to me it should be really simple--- why should my sex life even matter all that much for it to make or break a friendship.

I support marriage and if I find the right person it actually is in my plans to get married one day. Children of my own however-- I am not too entirely interested in having them.

I definitely consistently imply that I’m ace, but some people lack the education or understanding to make the connection. And that’s fine. But I do “come out” formally to most of my friends. It doesn’t usually just lowkey drop in a conversation. I usually make a decision on rather or not to come out. It isn’t advertised on my public social medias, I don’t scream that I am ace when I am around friends I’m not out to. It’s a moment for me each and every time because... what if? What if they don’t like that? What if they really don’t know what the fuck this is? What if they say, “you’re not a plant.” Or assume I’m just some kind of robot?

Though, as someone who identifies as asexual I am technically apart of the LGBTQA+ Community- I don’t personally get that involved outside of being an ally of sorts to my friends. I guess I just feel like I get a lot of pressure to answer to additional sexual identities like “You’re asexual- do you like men or women?” Like. I don’t and that’s my answer. Why does it matter? But I have a lot of friends within the community who totally respect that too so-- depends on the day and phase of the moon, I guess.

I am not ashamed of my sexual orientation. But it’s my business and it’s for me to talk about. I don’t want to be outed by anyone else. This isn’t a card anyone else gets to pull, a joke to flaunt, a topic token they get to just throw around. My orientation is a very serious aspect of my life. It isn’t funny. It isn’t yours

My best advice for someone who doesn’t understand asexuality is to just ask. Don’t make assumptions. Make an effort to better understand especially if you have an ace friend in your life. We are still people with very real human emotions facing problems both just as unique and common as anyone else.

Some of these are answers to questions I personally get a lot or things I wish people knew/understood about me, and some are answers to questions I found online that other ace people get a lot since I do have a history of having very accepting and understanding people in my life over this issue (mostly other members of the LGBTQA+ Community). If you have any additional questions--- I would love to answer them but as I said my sex life as far as what I have done and will do with or without a partner is personal and I don’t care to keep people who don’t need to know informed (you would be surprised so put that eyebrow down, I know the stats). Just as I don’t really care to hear about other people’s sex life (please and thank you). Find another ace to ask if that’s the question.

Everyone is different. What I have shared are not guidelines for all ace people. There are many different kinds of people within this particular community and they are all coming from different experiences, orientations, and situations. For example- some ace people have and enjoy sex. I just so happen to not... It’s very much about the individual as most things tend to be. I hope this helps people understand a little about me or maybe someone you know. Thank much for reading! Continue on with your daily lives, disasters, existence, etc!

[lilmajorshawty]

5th house “The After Party” part (1/3)💃🏾🕺🏿

Sun in the 5th house

-Ego dancer-

People with sun in the 5th house can be extremely magnetic! They ooze such radiance and poise but also an air of arrogance and superiority. Often these natives can feel as if they’re destined for more in this life which causes them to be very picky and easily restless when they’re in a position or situation limiting them of this perceived potential. Much of their confidence and tenacity caters to the immense amount of energy they pour into standing out as individuals, be it the nice house, the nice car, the looks, or the perfect partner. Sun in the 5th house natives are talkative but also very distant! You may never really know the depth behind their intentions but despite that they might still give you a warm air of honesty and amor that might cause you to lower your guard. The art often has to resonate with their identity and it can be very hard for them to not see themselves in their children or really in anything they bring into this world. Passion is in every fiber of their being no matter the sun sign and in most cases they can be drawn to danger and adrenaline so long as it causes them to be the star. The first dates are often dramatic and very summer esq! Cheesy nights out to the mall or something as big as a meet up at a race car rink. Sun in the 5th house natives are like lions and much to your surprise are very calm and relaxed when it comes to relationships! They normally love the dating scene as it allows them to really see if your “egos” blend well enough. Romance is extremely important but comfortability and “ease” are very important at least in the initial stages of dating! They won’t be as hungry for attention as you may think, and are more observant if anything in the first few months of dating as they’re gauging a plethora of different body movements, reactions and responses from you.

The party scene: they’re sooooooo easy to party with! They’re so adaptable to their environment and can read energies likes nobodies business. Normally they’re the ones in the limelight, or the one who’s turning heads even if they’re the shyest person there. Their eyes are often stationary and focused only shifting on whatever manages to catch their eye. Strobe lights and beach parties are their forte! Men and women here usually wear daring or blood red colors! Anything that is sensual and enigmatic.

☀️ Dayne S & colour your mind - sun

🌤 sons of Maria - chimera

Moon in the 5th house

-sensational cocktail-

Moon in the 5th house natives are very much so lovers of the night! These natives tend to be very private despite being situated in the 5th house. They can be drawn to darker interactions and even more taboo behavior(nothing illegal mind you aha) but they do love anything that should be better kept to secret. Intimacy and passion color much of the emotions they feel and often they might find themselves endlessly searching for passionate encounters no matter the circumstance as they tend to easily loose interest in half genuine endeavors. They can be social chameleons! With the moon here the propensity for absorbing the energies and frequencies of others is heightened. These natives aren’t as self defensive as most moons but are also less readable, the emotions may come out half heartedly especially in group situations as these natives tend to be very cautious of their own affections. The children are often a high point for the native and an aspect of life be it closely or indirectly that they pour much of their emotions into! Children truly brighten their day and even if the moon is afflicted children can be a huge catalyst for emotional growth and milestones. Moon in the 5th house natives breath life into their environments and can easily read everyone with precision. Albeit the night is their calling they tend to usually meet their lovers in more darker scenery and even in more night time aesthetic. They prefer passion in the first months and can be very moody about how and when things should get serious so expect a very back and forth sort of courting period with these lovers aha. Although they have big hearts they can often move to quickly or to slowly because of how turbulent their feelings can be. This is a very sexual placement for the moon and these natives often have a strong need to express their sexuality whilst other times being rather “abstinent”

The party scene: they’re the mysterious ones. You’ll often see them around friends or surrounded by familiarity. They’re often gazing the room never once making any committed gazes at any one thing. The eyes are often sad and you can be lured to how out of place they seem. They’re often least likely the dance but when they do they can send you into a trance, mainly because they’re dancing with such an intoxicating rhythm, so full of soul and eerie longing.

❄️ cages - listening

🌬 road kahan - Blue velvet

Mercury in the 5th house

-motionless heads-

Mercury in the 5th house natives are one of the more ambiguous ones. The mind and the body are often in a entanglement for these natives, caught between what they want to do and what they think they should be doing. Their is often a serpent like nature to their movements and even to the way they talk-often with double meanings and hidden innuendo. These natives can have you running around in circles as they lead you just where they want to, only using a few well timed phrases and smiles. They often find pleasure in investigations and even daily human interactions. People fascinate them but they also never really feel like they’re one of “us” they kind of skim through situations and people in a daily detached yet curious manner. The children they raise are often their best Friends and communication and understanding is often heavily focused upon as they value an open air of respect amongst them and those younger then them. They might also find themselves being drawn to more younger or even energetic dating partners although many aspects to mercury are to be taken into account as well as the sign. They normally aren’t the types to place priority into rushing the courting stage and usually aren’t the types to go super hard for a label unless the partner were to make it so. These natives tend to doubt themselves in romance quite a bit and can seem passive mainly because they’re themselves trying to build a level of comfort in making “Decisive” moves. That being said they loveeee to talk and even flirt with Potential love interest and in some cases they prefer that over the physical element of things.

The party scene: ah the bored ones. They can seem like they’re waiting for something to pop of or go bananas or in some cases they look like they’re off in yonder. They more curious and confident ones are branching out an meeting all the new faces while the more quiet ones are observing from the distance and shooting half awkward grins as the lights fade in and out. FLIRTY but essentially missing in action. They’re the devilishly handsome men and women without a name, the call you’ll never get to return.

🌾 million dollar weekends - Deja vu(Kato edit)

🌱 deep parliment - every side

Venus in the 5th house:

-sensual exchange-

Venus in the 5th house natives are honestly soft like honey. These natives can be about as innocent as a child and as mischievous as a teenager. They adore playing tag with the world around them, testing the limits. In a sense they see beauty in the world around them and because of this they’re extremely artistic even if they don’t resonate with their venus they’re often very socially gifted. Dance, singing, even simply acting or artistry is very common ground. For men I’ve noticed it adds a very charming grace to physical activity or even a inclination for acrobats. They tend to adore the children and place them on a high chair for better or worse. The children are usually VERY beautiful(this goes for all these placements by the way but venus in the 5th house babies are usually very “Venusian”) these natives PUT a lot into the dating scene often times they prefer the old traditional form of romance such as the nights out and the dinner parties. Most men and women here prefer to take someone out to a actual date-date with the fancy dress clothes and going to an actual restaurant 😘. They’re usually super old school about courting and aren’t into one night stands so to some they can seem prudish if they become evasive about “spending the night” they usually need to be charmed into anything so often times it truly is a game of tag.

The party scene: these natives can feel at home in a party. They easily emanate sensuality and pleasure without trying. People are often drawn to their aura and might feel the romance in the air. It can be a scene riddled with slow dances or one with lingering cheek kisses. The party scene is usually a little wild but with a cutesy undertone. They’re like the girls and boys next door of parties and can make the whole night some heart emoji rave.

🍂 confessionals ft. Hannah Rodriguez - Love is king( one bit remix)

🍁 harmo & vibes - never know

Mars in the 5th house

-Tantra disco-

Mars in the 5th house natives can be an overwhelming force both emotionally and physically. Many of us have our limits or even or reservations yet mars in the 5th house natives can seemingly go on for hours and hours long after the initial flavor has left the garnish. For them pleasure is the endless pursuit and it can seem like their is a smoldering intensity living in every glance, every movement and every sigh. These natives crave passion but also need to feel as if they’re EVERYTHING and ANYTHING someone’s ever wanted. Romance for them can be a bit stormy and sex filled as they often project their mars heavily in their sphere of romance. The danger exist in the fact that they can at times be too demanding in their romantic pursuits. They want Attention, but mars being the planet it is takes this to a new extreme as these natives often have an insatiable(and sometimes domineering) desire for love. They need to be someone’s end all be all otherwise they feel bored-for what is romance of it’s not all consuming? They can have pretty heated relationships with kids seeing as how children they bump into or produce have even stronger energies and egos then they do aha. My advice is to really focus on discipline in the younger years cause once they get older OH GOD. Sex and passion play a huge role in those first few months! And all the years after lmao.

The party scene: these natives are usually tame in the party environment. For mars in the 5th it’s more about energy and often they send it out whilst in the moment. Similarly to animals, they rely on instinct and body movement as a means of reading how and when they should react. They normally prowl the party rather than stay in one specific area as to not corner themselves. Men here speak with sexual innuendo, especially if someone catches their eye whilst women here can seem more tension filled in their actions as they make their way around the party. A very dark look.

🍖 disciples - 48HRS

🍒 Crotia squad - touch me(original remix)

Jupiter in the 5th house

-godly tango-

Jupiter in the 5th house natives are very complex works of art. The idea of art is often an every changing ideology for them as often their view on the world and spirituality as a whole comes into play. They normally view the world and romance as a series of fated events and often experience some of their most powerful experiences via art, romance and child bearing. Responsibility and ambition play a huge role into how they experience connections with others and normally despite their charismatic and often childlike wonder they’re often very serious about sharing affections with others. I see all the time that these natives date around or have a “expansive” amount of talents and to be honest the talents and artistic abilities they have originate from their own ability to dig within themselves as people. Romantic encounters might happen often but they’re often fleeting and serve the purpose of character growth for these natives. The children are often very enlightened and can often stray from societal norms as a means to seek clarity and alignment due to heightened spirituality given to them from the parent. The courting stage is often veryyyyy passionate and these natives normally meet their soul mate atleast once in their life. They usually don’t change their minds once they’ve chosen a partner and unlike the other planets here once they enter the courting stage, they’ve usually made up their minds about you from that point.

The party scene: the more forest, outdoorsy get together is more their scene! They love Bering surrounded by close friends and even to some extent strangers. They experience the party as a genderless/sexless encounter and usually love the lack of labeling and restriction in the party scene. They often prefer to submerse themselves in the energy of the party rather than standing out from it and can almost be hard to see because of how much they blend in with the sound or the crowd. They can become waves washing over you or they can be wind breezing along your hair.

🗺 charming horses - believe(radio edit)

🚏 goldfish - absolute power

Saturn in the 5th house

-Noir blooded-

Saturn in the 5th house natives are the jaguars and black panthers of the zodiac. These natives ooze this provocative yet discrete energy almost as if they’re completely out of reach even whilst being right in your face. They tend to carry a serious presence artistically and do well as movie directors and even as painters because of how well they convey truth, pain and even the darker sides of man we’d all rather ignore. These natives have an incredible beauty about them only second to their intimidating Aura. They tend to be somber and in some cases grim yet they more than most never really struggle with darker emotions and can pull themselves out of the shadows far easier than most. Intimacy is a heavy topic for them and due to early conditioning they often struggle opening up to potential lovers in the courting stage, even going as far to put them through endless trials before they can truly open up. Saturn in the 5th house natives although slower to open up tend to attract rather serious and dependable partners who prefer to stay the long haul! These natives tend to meet their lovers later in life and in some cases this can mean after high school! So don’t worry aha! Saturn usually ensures that their lovers are stable and forthright. The children are often taken on with full responsibility and can at times carry the same intensity and seriousness as the parent. They normally don’t have A lot of children as they worry about the “future” quite a bit. These natives are very old school romantics and loveeee to be spoiled and to spoil their lovers albeit it takes time for them to get comfortable! In private they’re intensely devoted and caring no matter what! They have an earthy sensuality about them that makes them so warm but they also have this intensity about them that makes them dangerously magnetic.

The party scene: often the ones sitting in between diming points in the lights. They often tend to have an air of superiority around them but can also seem a bit vexed as if they’re simply passing by. A HUGE give away is their eyes, they can seem like they’re old souls often looking in disarray at everyone around them. They often are immensely gorgeous and have very unique and often striking looks. These natives can look like a war could be going on and they’d still hold the same unmoved expression.

🎢 Madison Avenue - who the hell are you(dom dolls remix)

🗼 rain city riot - burning

Uranus in the 5th house

-cyber space dancer-

Uranus in the 5th house natives can seem like aliens from a distant land. Often these natives have a promiscuous air to them, as if anything and everything could be to their liking but also as if all of these things simultaneously could bore them. They tend to project an air of cool and welcoming provada. To them the linguistics of a social gathering can be a complex math problem, or it could be one huge puzzle waiting to be solved. They often tip toe around tension and feelings as if it were a trap but they also find themselves drawn to emotional displays and those of different emotional backgrounds them them. They tend to lack emotional discipline and can easily get entranced in love affairs that might not have been the smartest choice. Often times they try to distance themselves from a liaison but find it hard once sex and intimacy get involved in the deal. They tend to fall for friends or lovers in odd circumstances and can even seem elusive from time to time as they tug for independence. They adore freedom but also don’t like to much of it. They love children but also in a sense see them as some sort of weird species 😂 they want to understand but can also struggle with doing it the traditional way. The kids can be rather vacant emotionally but can also be very bubbly and dynamic. These natives tend to play hot and cold during the courting stage but as I said sex and intimacy changes things.

The party scene: my they can be very alluring. They have a way of seeming so emotionless and so void that reels everyone to them. They’re simply there to enjoy the act in the most detached means imaginable. The party scene provides a means of connecting and creating these fleeting but branched wires of thread from person to person without all the emotions and obligations that accompany them. They have this 80s synth wave aura to them and can seem a bit jaded and glossy eyed as if they’re a stranger in their own body as they bob and weave through the dance floor. They tend to love vintage and sort of oldie get togethers! The modern day jam bores them.

🚀 Au/Ra & camelphat - panic room

🛸 zhu x AlunaGeorge - automatic

Neptune in the 5th house

-intoxicated sea-

Neptune in the 5th house natives can be very vexing. Aura and innocence color them both In their art and also in their romantic endeavors. These natives see the good, the bad, the ugly, the villainous and the potential in everyone. These natives never lack awareness but may at times omit what is laying right before them for that one small chance at the rose colored glasses. These natives struggle with taking things as they are and often because of this they can be hit by hurtful and painful blows to their heart. The need to channel sorrow and disappointment into art is apparent and dare I say they tend to create some of the most beautiful pieces of literature and art or even dance when shedding pain. They tend to dive into raising their children and can sacrifice much for their children without a second thought. Neptune often creates a fragile child and can often mean that the newborn will need extra care during the initial stages of their life. The children are often deeply feeling and receptive to the environment. Romance and courting usually are seldom lighthearted and can be very life changing for these individuals! They tend to put their souls into those first months and can struggle forming boundaries at the onset!

The party scene: cool and icy in demeanor but inwardly very reflective and often retrospective. They don’t really physically attend the party! They’re normally somewhere else emotionally always, just taking in the moment. They often attach themselves to moments and sequences through actions and interactions in parties. Their is such a concentration of thoughts and feelings in the party scene that these natives can easily grow overwhelmed and even dissociate as a means of escape! In some cases this can be an indication of drug use during a party or heavy alcohol consumption as a means to cope with the emotional burden.

🎭 Oliver Schmitz & Micah Sherman feat. Denis Reno - waiting

🤹🏾‍♂️Hope - wanderer(Nu & Ky remix)

Pluto in the 5th house:

-Black whisky-

Pluto in the 5th house natives are nature’s witches. These natives can feel like a prolific exorcism with one gaze or like a icy colder than 0 brushing by. They often enjoy people watching as a means of analyzing human behavior. These natives tend to detach themselves from the “human” narrative and often have a tendency to isolate themselves from others. They value free thinkers and those who can fend from themselves, though this also means they strongly detest those with an inability to cope or an inability to be “alone.” There drawn to powerful souls and vice versa as these natives often have their fair share of demons and in some ways are demons themselves. They ooze intensity and strength because Pluto is clashing with the 5th houses bright and warm rays. These natives often have a love hate relationship with art and often can be IMMENSELY creative but often struggle with finding the emotional push to put their creations into action. Moodiness and emotional depression can cloud them and because of their intense aura they can often immerse others in their foul moods if not careful. Their courting stages are..very overwhelming. They tend to attract obsessive and sometimes very Plutonian partners who want every piece of them and vice versa so they tend to be heavily tension filled and fated due to Pluto’s karmic influence. Since they attract past lovers the sexual component upon re-meeting can be so powerful that the natives often can often get sexually involved with their lovers rather quickly. Relationships with children tend to be tense! Kids are usually very intimidated and cautious around these natives and usually once trust is established the children are very protective and clingy towards the natives. Childbirth could be tricky or just require a lot of fight so be prepared and usually the children will be very inquisitive and passionate-very Plutonian qualities.

The party scene: these natives can be very mysterious. They often take up the shadows in the room and can have an eerie/dangerous quality to them. They can be radiant like the sun but cold to the touch. These natives are usually off to the side or passively avoiding to much contact with crowds. They often prefer to be alone or in singlets. They loathe idle chit chat and may seem disinterested in obnoxious party goers. They move to their own beat and can have very sensual and sexy movements often dancing with such passion and yet such lighthearted joy. They tend to have intense gazes and can seemingly stare right though you. No matter the color of the eyes you’ll know you’re in the presence of one when they don’t look away. They’re not stranger to intensity and know just how to make all the eyes focused on them.

🏜 tobtok & Adrian lux - as I sleep(ft Charlee)

🌋 prince club & poupon - before(original remix)

[gayasinstupidpodcast]

Gay As In Stupid’s second episode is out! (pun intended)

Hey y’all! It’s Isaac and Aaron and we’re back with another episode of our Fantastically gay podcast, Gay As In Stupid! This month’s episode is about gay trans experiences, where me and Isaac share some of our experiences as gay trans men, talk about the history of societal and medical prejudice, and share an interview with a spectacular trans lesbian on her point of view!

You can find us on the Itunes Podcast App/Webpage at Gay As In Stupid Podcast! You can also find our episodes uploaded to Youtube and Soundcloud! Sorry for any audio goofs this episode! Recoding in my college dorm has proven to be a thotty whom we will have to get used to working with.

Ordinarily, me and Isaac would put our main sources under Further Reading at the top, but I (Aaron) found the main sources I had to go through for this month’s topic to contain disgusting levels of transphobia that I would feel irresponsible telling our listeners to read. If you want to know what I looked through and used, however, feel free to DM me @albert-dj-cashier​

Aaron’s 2018 September Recs!

What The Trans?! (podcast)

A roughly hour-per-ep podcast by Michelle and Ashleigh, two trans women living in the U.K! The hosts are witty, informative, and compelling, and they talk about topics like the current events in UK trans politics, representation in media, institutionalized prejudice, and personal experiences! Their episodes are really fun as well as interesting, and they have a great dynamic!

Big Eden

This is an absolutely Classic gay feel-good film, and one of me & my friend Lauren’s personal favorites! It centers around a gay New York artist who returns to his childhood home in Montana to care for his grandfather, and finds himself having to deal with the loose threads he left behind (and Also finds an unexpected love interest). It’s cute, romantic, super funny, and doesn’t leave you with long spans of meaninglessly meaningful shots and call it Film.

Isaac’s 2018 September Recs!

Yank! A WWII Love Story: A New Musical

Follows Stu, a young man who gets drafted into World War II where he ends up becoming a photographer for ‘Yank Magazine, a journal for and by the servicemen’.  In present day, Stu’s old journal is discovered, and his story of the war, and his romance with Mitch; a handsome Private he met during training. It’s fun, colorful and absolutely heartbreaking. The songs are memorable, and so are the characters. If you like heart-string pulling gay romances and strong lesbians, this production will make you horny!

MIKA

If you aren’t already listening to MIKA, then I don’t think you’ve been living yet. His songs are sweet and fun to dance to, and truly never get old. He’s gay and a talented singer-songwriter. The music he makes can be best described as Pop/Glam Rock (also GAY!!!) Love yourself and go give “Talk About You” and “Grace Kelly” a listen.

MARCY’S FULL AND WONDERFUL INTERVIEW UNDER THE READ MORE

Q: How do you identify? A: I am a trans woman and a lesbian.

Q: How do you feel trans straight people react to your identity? A: honestly, I’m not sure. I don’t personally know any straight trans people. I’d imagine that we have common grounds on dysphoria and trying to understand gender, but with regards to sexuality, I’m sure it’s kinda up in the air. I doubt there’d be like, hostility regarding my identity. Probably just general acceptance, maybe some minor prodding.

Side note: not to generalize, but from what I understand, straight trans women tend to have different experiences with self-discovery than bi or lesbian trans women. The former tend to figure things out earlier, are sometimes seen as more traditionally feminine, etc. Some of this is from rather TERFy science, though, so take it with a grain of salt.

Q: How do you feel your identity is perceived in the LGBT Community? A: from an intracommunity standpoint, I think that trans WLW in general are steadily becoming more accepted as we speak up about or lives and experiences. Many cis WLW, whether actively or passively, exhibit an alarming amount of transphobic beliefs, but I like to think they’re in the minority.

Q: How do you present your gender and what do it mean to you? A: I’m butch, so my experience with womanhood and femininity is… interesting, to say the least. I certainly don’t take a traditional approach to femininity, and I find that very empowering, especially as a trans woman. I don’t wanna force myself into a role that I’m not comfortable filling, just to appeal to what society expects of me. I wear suits and vests and I keep my hair short and I’ve honestly never even touched makeup, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Q: What role do you feel like the intersection of your gender and your sexualilty play in your life? A: my gender and my sexuality are both very important to me, the intersection thereof even moreso. Understanding that intersection has helped me piece together a lot of the questions I had growing up. To put it simply, figuring out that I’m not just trans, but also a lesbian, has helped me figure out like, the past eight-to-ten years’ worth of failed romantic endeavors. The way I experience relationships, the way I interact with people, the way I love are all impacted by both my gender and my sexuality; neither’s importance can be understated.

Q: Do you feel like your gender presentation makes people more prone to invalidate your identity? A: pardon my language but, of fucking course. Like, cis people and transphobes alike will find any reason they can to invalidate a trans person. But the second they find a trans woman who’s a lesbian, who isn’t presenting like a perfectly feminine stereotype, all bets are off my dude. Until I have like, B-cup tits and a soft face, I’m essentially a straight guy in most people’s faces. Which, eh, who cares at this point? Straight people have never understood butch womanhood. I don’t expect them to recognize a trans butch when they see one.

Q: Do you feel like your identity as a gay trans person makes it harder for you to receive proper medical care (hormones, sexual health, etc)? A: quite honestly, I don’t know yet. I’m still pre-HRT; I have yet to jump through the hoops and red tape necessary to get hormones and whatnot. I imagine it’ll be tough, though.

Q: How has your coming out process been different than if you were just trans or gay? A: the biggest difference, for me at least, is that it’s been a multi-step process. For a while I thought I was a bi cis man, then pansexual and agender, then a bi trans woman, and it wasn’t until ~June 2017 that I figured out I was a trans lesbian. Coming out to friends has always been easy; they pick up on new identities and pronouns fairly easy. Honestly, I don’t think my parents quite understand what being trans is right now, but we’re working on it.

Q: Have you ever found yourself feeling guilty over your attraction to women because of your gender identity? A: honestly? At least once a week, I have that dysphoric voice in my head telling me I’m just some creepy straight guy preying on lesbians. I know it isn’t true, it’s just self-doubt and internalized transphobia and TERF rhetoric echoing, but it’s hard to not think that, frankly. Especially when it’s repeated so often.

Q: Do you feel like your voice is heard/your identity is seen between media and the community? A: in media? Outside of a few niche places (and surprisingly, IDW’s Transformers comics), trans lesbians are largely pretty nonexistent. Of course, in the actual community we’re much more populous, but frankly we’re a little bit insular as we tend to mostly befriend and date one another. All in all, don’t think we’re entirely invisible, but I do think we could do with some more fictional representation, and to get more involved with the larger LGBT community.

Q: Is there anything else about your experience as a gay trans person you would like to add? A: admittedly, it hasn’t been until recently that I’ve felt truly comfortable around cis lesbians. Most of my relationships in the past few years have been with other trans girls. There’s a variety of reasons for this, and every woman’s experiences are her own, but for a long time I was afraid that cis lesbians just wouldn’t recognize me as a woman. Q: Would you like your instagram/tumblr to be linked in the episode description? A: sure! I’m @opossumghoul on tumblr and @opossumbutch on other social media

[one-offs-from-slb79]

I met the last man I loved when my daughter was barely 3. She’ll be 9 this summer. The last time they saw each other was when she was 4. She has probably forgotten him. This is likely for the best.

They weren’t really meant to meet in the first place. It happened merely by necessity. Back then, her father was far away, so I was rarely apart from her. It didn’t feel right to ask family to babysit while I met up with him somewhere to make out and watch TV.

If I wanted to see this last man that I loved, I had to be creative. I’d find time for him while my daughter was in half-day school. Or just before or after a class I taught not far from his home. To assuage any guilt I felt about stealing time away from my toddler to be a single woman in the company of a childfree man, I mentally added the hours with him into my part-time work day. (It made sense to me then, as he was—and still is—a real piece of work.)

On occasion, though, I’d bring my daughter with me when I saw him. I’d bring her when I didn’t have much choice.

My daughter and I once strolled with him through a park in early spring. He and I took turns pushing her in an umbrella stroller. He held her and she fiddled with the buttons on his shirt. I melted; I’ve never forgotten it.

We once visited him in summer and he gave her his nephew’s old tricycle. We once visited before holidays and he gave her a stuffed bear. He sent her Christmas gifts for years after he saw her last. But they’ve only ever seen each other about six times, at most.

He has been kind of a secret. I have long lived with my mother and grandmother and the latter still doesn’t know he exists. My mother knows of him but has never met him. This was first by accident and eventually by design.

I present no one to my family unless I am proud of who we are to one another. And I’ve never been confident enough in whatever we are, or in whatever way we’ve been defining it, to make him an official partner of family record. I’ve had four boyfriends in total but my mother and grandmother only register one of them, the one who comes to our home to pick up his daughter on weekends.

Still, this man whose never met my family (despite me having met his) has always meant more to me than I’m allowed to let on, either to him or to anyone else. He and I don’t discuss it because we are aggressively committed to remaining casual, to keeping our distance until we can’t seem to anymore. And that isn’t something you readily admit to anyone who’d respond by pointing out that we both deserve much better.

I realize this is all rather strange, but I am strange. I conceived a child, after all, with a man I dated for eight years in all, but with whom I only lived in the same city for a cumulative total of two. And those two years of close proximity don’t include the one when we conceived.

We broke up the day I found out I was pregnant and he was my only serious adult relationship. (Though in retrospect, really, how serious could it have been?)

I have yet to have another “serious” relationship. I no longer know what serious means in the context of dating men. (Did I ever know?)

I am scared of any partnership to which I’d have to fully entrust my daughter. I don’t want her getting attached to anyone unless he is sufficiently amazing. I don’t want anyone sufficiently amazing until I am no longer afraid to receive him.

In short: I have so much emotional work left to do.

Stumbling upon someone who has always required very little of me, someone from whom I also wanted little, save a sliver of the affection I’d lost, has brought a lot of relief. He’s had his own ghosts haunting, and in giving each other a weirdly wide berth, we are as low-maintenance a pair as we’d ever be able to find.

Still, I’ve always known that the patch his company applies to my heart won’t hold. The wounds reopen, whether we see each other or we don’t.

We started as a couple, broke up quickly, then called ourselves friends. But if there were any title to apply to ourselves, the one that fits best, is lapsed lovers.

We have maintained a very thin string of connection for six years now. Contact has been intermittent. I suspect we’ve both tried to break it and keep it broken, to scissor free of the thread that binds us and to part ways for good. We lasted nearly a year once, silence unfurling and fooling us into thinking the other was forgotten.

But he is a kind of due north. And the north remembers.

I saw him yesterday after five months without contact. I may see again in another five. As always, it was lovely and it was terrible. It was a relief and the release was unbearable. This will be so in one week or three years. This will be so for as long as we return to one another.

In the pockets of time when we’re apart, when he’s dating and committing himself to women too quickly and breaking up, all unbeknown to me, while I’m not even looking for anyone else and committing only to creating work and to mothering, I shore up enough resentment, at myself and at him, to proceed with my life without missing him.

I resent the way we make each other feel. I resent our loneliness. I resent his proactive approach to curing his and my passive approach to enduring mine. I resent what our connectedness has become, an emotional minefield we have to tip through if we want the reward of each other’s touch. I resent how much we want each other’s touch.

The time will come—and we both know it—when we will lose touch for real, for good. But it has been six years so far, so who knows when that day will come? May it be swift; we need it. May it be staved; we need it.

[thatmasquedgirl]

The Obligatory Ocean’s Eleven AU Idea

@sakura-blossom62 I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY BECAUSE I’VE SPENT ALL NIGHT DOING THIS SHIT

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME I THINK MY BRAIN IS BROKEN

I HAVE BEEN SPIRALING FOR HOURS NOW AND I WILL NEVER BE OVER THIS.  CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE THIS BEAUTY BECAUSE HOLY SHIT NOW I WANT IT

OKAY HERE WE GO COUNT ALL 11 OF THEM WITH ME:

1. Oliver Queen

You bet your ass Oliver Queen is Danny Ocean in this scenario.  Because of course he is.  He’s the thinker, the leader, the planner, the tactical mastermind.  He’s the one who knows his strengths, his weaknesses, his limitations.  And he can be so damn charming when he wants to be.  Think of like a Breaking News!Oliver, but with less angst and more sass.

The man has a supernatural ability to network with everyone.  It doesn’t matter where he is--dinner party, soup kitchen, behind a rock on the moon--he has this uncanny ability to look like he belongs.  There’s this charisma that just naturally sucks people in.

And people generally like him.  Even when they don’t, there’s something about him that makes him impossible to say no to.  Because of those qualities, he has this network of Useful People that he can go to for help in different situations, whether they’re security guards or strippers or card dealers.  Literally anyone you can imagine owes Oliver Queen a favor or two.

When the story starts, he’s just getting out of jail.  His last heist went bad.  One of his former team members, Slade Wilson, sold him out, so Oliver has been in jail for five years, brooding and manipulating.  This betrayal costs him five years of his life and his wife.  Laurel divorces him approximately 2.5 seconds after she finds out.  At first he’s heartbroken--and still is--but he shuts himself off in true Oliver fashion and decides it’s better this way.

This gives him more time to plan his revenge.

Because he is going to get revenge.  Oliver is a big name in the criminal underworld, and he didn’t get that way by being passive.  So if you screw him, he is going to make you regret the day you were ever born.  Which is why it’s time to take Slade down.

The problem is that Slade knows Oliver’s entire team.  So he has to recruit new ones.  New faces make Oliver nervous, but he knows a few who have a solid reputation.

But we’re getting to that.

2. Tommy Merlyn

First, Oliver immediately leaves jail to meet his friend Tommy at his office.  Tommy might not be a criminal, but he makes a lot of money managing his multiple businesses.  His family came from nothing, but now his net worth rivals Oliver’s.  Or what Oliver’s used to be; his assets were seized after everything that happened.  If he’s going to pull of an operation like this, he’s going to need money.

And Tommy is always willing to help.

“How’s life on the outside treating you?” Tommy asks Oliver as he steps into Tommy’s office on the top floor of Merlyn Global.

Oliver smiles at him.  “As good as it can be when my ex-wife left me and then married my best friend.”

Tommy makes a face.  “I’m sorry about--”

“Don’t be sorry,” Oliver replies.  “Just treat her better than I did.  Or I will make you pay.”  Tommy blanches, and Oliver throws him a grin.  “Just kidding.”  He drops into one of the chairs in front of Tommy’s desk.  “I have a business proposition.”

Scoffing, Tommy says, “Ollie, you don’t know a damn thing about business.”  He sits down next to Oliver.  “But I’ll hear you out anyway.  What are friends for?”

“My partner screwed me,” Oliver says without preamble.  “I plan on getting my revenge.  If you can finance it, I can guarantee you a return of around fifteen million.”

Tommy chokes on his own tongue before he blanches.  “Ollie, I love you, but are you out of your goddamn mind?”

Oliver grins.  “Always.”

Shaking his head, Tommy asks, “What the hell are you going to do?”

Tommy has always been involved in Oliver’s heists, but never in a way that can be traced to him.  Oliver makes sure Tommy’s nose stays clean, and Tommy makes sure Oliver has everything he needs.

“Slade Wilson screwed you for the properties his new casinos are on,” Oliver replies, skipping the question altogether.  After all, a good magician never reveals his tricks.  “It cost your two million dollars in court--plus your lawyers’ fees.“  Tommy nods.  “He got the money by turning me in to the feds.”

“Fifteen million and revenge on that dick?” Tommy replies.  “Count me in.  But don’t tell my wife what we’re up to.”

Oliver snorts.  “She’d have to talk to me first.”

3. John Diggle

Oliver’s first stop is a little bar outside Hollywood, where all the up-and-coming actors go to learn about card games for their next role.  It’s a dive and the celebs wouldn’t be caught on camera there, but they still go.

After he makes his way to the back table, Oliver drops five hundreds on the table in front of his empty chair.  They might be celebs, but they play with real money and they won’t complain if Oliver cleans them out.  “I want in,” he says, turning his attention to the guy next to him.  He might be the only unknown face here, but he’s definitely the one in charge.

John Diggle nods once before motioning to the empty chair.  “Have a seat, man.”  Oliver does as Diggle introduces everyone.  Oliver introduces himself in turn as one of the kids deals to the right, like an idiot.

“Deal to your left,” Diggle corrects tiredly.

Oliver tries not to smile.  Shooting fish in a barrel might actually be harder than what he’s about to do.

They all glance at their cards, but one of the guys that Oliver recognizes from an old B-list flick says, “If you don’t mind me asking, Mr. Queen--”

“Mr. Queen was my father.  Call me Oliver.”

“Oliver.  Cool.  If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do for a living?”

“Why would I mind you asking?” Oliver retorts, throwing one of the hundreds on the table casually, as if he blows his nose on these sometimes.  “I just got out of prison, actually.”

One of the women leans across the table.  “Prison?” she asks, licking her lips.  He isn’t unfamiliar with this reaction in some men and women.  When he needs something from them--be it sex or information--it’s a blessing.  Most of the time, like right now, it’s just a pain in the ass.  “Why were you in prison?”

“I stole things,” Oliver replies without any shame.  Diggle glances to him immediately.

“You mean, like, jewels?” another guy asks.

With a straight face, Oliver replies, “Incan matrimonial head masks.”

This time it’s Diggle who asks casually, “Is there any money in those?”

“Plenty, if you can move them,” Oliver says.  He throws down his other four hundreds.  “All in.”

“Fold,” Diggle replies without missing a beat.  There’s a look in his eye that makes Oliver think he sees the game.  When he flips over his cards, all he has is a pair of twos.  “I don’t have the hand for this one.”

One rookie jumps at the chance to out-bid him, but the rest call.  When it turns to him again, he pulls every last dime he owns on the table as though it was nothing more than pocket change.  “Two thousand.”

All five of them leap at the chance to show him up, eagerly throwing out chips.  Once the round finishes, Oliver flips over his cards.  The moment they see the four nines, they all groan and toss their cards.

“Oh, man, I thought you were bluffing!” one cries.

Oliver glances at Diggle before replying, “I don’t bluff.”

After he cashes out his almost twenty grand, Oliver buys a drink at the bar.  He’s been nursing it for about five minutes when Diggle comes up.  “Did you just come to show up my rookies, or do you have a job in mind?”

"You heard of Lian Yu?” Oliver asks.

“That’s the new casino in Starling City,” Diggle replies, eyebrows knitting together.  “You want to knock over a casino?”

Oliver holds up three fingers.

Diggle laughs before taking a drink from his bottle of beer.  “Oh, I gotta see this.  Count me in.”

4. Rene Ramirez

Oliver is at a blackjack table in Las Vegas, playing his third hand in a row when finally the dealer gathers her cards and chips, flashing him a pretty smile.  “My shift is over, but good luck, Oliver.”

He smiles back.  “Thank you.”

A rough-looking man takes her place.  “Hello, sir,” he greets casually.

Oliver extends a hand.  “If I’m going to be here for the next few hours,” he says, “I might as well introduce myself.  Oliver Queen.”  The kid’s eyes light up immediately.  “You must be Rene.”

The kid stops in the middle of opening his cards to give Oliver a meaningful glance.  “I’m sorry, sir,” he replies mechanically, “but you must have me confused with someone else.  My name is Javier.”  He points to his name tag.  “Which you can see right here.”

“My apologies,” Oliver replies immediately.  He grins.  “Table is cold, anyway.”

“I hear the Bellagio is busy after one a.m.,” Rene offers helpfully.

“Good place to get a drink, too,” Oliver replies, grabbing his chips.  “Thanks, Javier.”

At one a.m., Rene sits down next to Oliver at the bar in the Bellagio.  “I have to be careful,” he explains without greeting.  “Rene Ramirez can’t make it past the gaming commission.”  His head tilts to the side.  “Oliver Queen.  They talk about you like you’re some kind of legend.  You have a job?”

Oliver passes him a card with an address, a date, and an estimated payout.  Rene whistles low.  “If you’re interested, be there,” Oliver suggests before leaving.

5.  Nyssa Raatko

6. Dinah Drake

The two women are in yet another argument when Oliver walks up.  One of them is an unfamiliar face, but the other is perhaps too familiar.  Nyssa stops in the middle of her speech, turning to face him with a smile--that smile that’s both friendly and reminds him of a cat who has cornered a canary.

“Husband,” she calls in a lilting voice.

“Thought you only liked girls,” the other woman interjects, crossing her arms.

“All of them except you,” Nyssa replies.

Oliver focuses on her with a hesitant smile.  “Could you...”  He releases a nervous laugh.  “Nyssa, that was one job seven years ago and it wasn’t even legally binding.  Could you stop calling me that?”

“Does that upset your wife?” she asks.

“Ex-wife,” Oliver corrects.

Nyssa shrugs.  “She deserved better than you, anyway.”  She crosses her arms.  “What brings you here?”

Oliver glances at the other woman.  “You haven’t introduced your friend.”

“Hardly my friend,” Nyssa replies with a roll of her eyes.

The other woman retorts, “You’re not exactly my bestie either, bitch.”

“Dinah Drake is my business associate,” Nyssa explains.  “She insists her little toys out perform my driving.  She’s wrong, of course, but she’s quite good at her work.”  She glances back at Drake.  “For an American.”

Drake scoffs.  “You’re not a bad driver for a stuck-up British brat.”

Oliver hands her a card.  “If you want a job, be here.  Both of you.”

“Of course, husband,” Nyssa replies.

Oliver swears in three languages under his breath as he walks away.

7. Curtis Holt

Oliver waits at least three hours for the kid to step out of the FBI surveillance van.  He looks like he should be looking for his parents, but Diggle assures Oliver he’s the best in the business.

When he takes a seat in the cafe, Oliver slides into the booth across from him, saying nothing.  Curtis pulls at his collar before saying, “Hi.  D-Do I know you?”

“Not yet,” Oliver replies, “but you’ll want to.  My name is Oliver Queen.”

The kid’s eyes light up.  “They say you used to be good.”  Curtis winces.  “And that makes it sound like you’re old.  Which you aren’t.  You are definitely not old.  And very hot.”  He holds up his hands.  “I didn’t mean to hit on you.”

Oliver studies him for a long moment, wondering if there isn’t someone else more... stable they might be able to use.  Still, Digg’s judgment has proven very sound thus far.

“I hear you do some jobs under the FBI’s nose,” Oliver finally says.

Curtis tugs at his collar again.  “Are you wearing a wire?” he asks, pulling the knot in his tie loose before tightening it again.  “Because if I ask you if you’re wearing a wire and you lie to me, that’s entrapment.  My testimony wouldn’t be admissible in a court of law.”

“You’re the one working for the FBI,” Oliver points out.  “Are you wearing a wire?”

“Hell no!” Curtis exclaims, too loudly.  Several people turn to look at them, but Oliver just flashes them a smile.  Soon enough they’re all focused on their meals again.  “I just work for the FBI to keep my cover,” Curtis whispers.  “It gives me some room to take on... other jobs.”

“Good.”  Oliver passes him the card.  “Here’s one to consider.”  With that, he rises from the table.

“Nice meeting you, Mr. Queen,” Curtis calls behind him.  “I’m a real fan of your work!”

Somehow Oliver refrains from rolling his eyes.

8. Thea Queen

“We need a grease man,” Diggle points out as they sit down at the tiny cafe.

Oliver only grins before saying, “I have an in with one of the best in the business.  Speedy is always willing to work my jobs.”

“Speedy?” Digg repeats.  “Speedy is one of the best jewel thieves in the world, Oliver.  She’s probably rich from all of those jewel heists.  No way in hell is she gonna--”

He goes silent abruptly as a thin, lithe woman pulls out a chair and slides into it.  “Hey, Ollie,” she greets with a grin, placing her elbows on the table.  “I hate to mess up your sales pitch, but can we do the fast version?  I’m about to meet Mom to go shopping.”

Diggle looks between the two of them, as if trying to make sense of it.  Ignoring him, Oliver replies, “Casino heist.  We’re knocking over Slade’s new place on fight night.  Guaranteed fifteen million.”  He grins.  “Which means nothing to you.”

She leans back in her chair, crossing her arms.  “My trust fund is bigger than that,” she agrees.  “But I’m not taking any summer classes and I’ve already stolen all the good jewels worth stealing, so count me in.  I’m grease man again?”  Oliver nods once, and she groans.  “Fine, but it better be a bigger box this time.

Oliver grins.  “Of course, Speedy,” he assures her.  “You’re not twelve anymore.”

Finally Diggle finds words.  “Are you telling me that Speedy is your sister?" he asks.

Thea grins, reaching over to steal a fry off Oliver’s plate.  “Thieving is the family business.”  She slathers it in ketchup before explaining to Digg, “Dad was a grifter.  A good one.”  She motions to Oliver.  “Ollie has his skill, but I was never really charming enough.”  She shrugs.  “So I just break into houses at night.”

“I thought the family business was Queen Consolidated,” Diggle finally replies.

She tilts her head to the side as she qualifies, “Thieving is the other family business.”

9. Sara Lance

Oliver pretends to peruse the jewelry.  He’s blown off two salesmen waiting for her, and now he’s certain she’s just trying to make him squirm.  Too bad for her that it isn’t working.

“I’m not sure there’s a wedding ring here that will help you get your wife back,” a smoky voice says.

As he looks up at her, Oliver smiles.  “I don’t fight battles I can’t win, Sara,” he replies.

“Then you shouldn’t have come here,” she retorts.  She reaches into the counter to pull out a diamond ring worth more than her Maserati parked out back.  “I’m not sleeping with you or working with you.”  She crosses her arms.  “I’ve gone legit.  I’ve been legit for three years.”

“How do you explain Corto Maltese last year?” he counters.  Her mouth opens, but no words come out.  Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Oliver adds, “I’ve been in jail for five years, not on a deserted island.”

Sara slips the ring back in the case before glancing around and leaning in.  “I do the occasional side job,” she whispers.  “Dad doesn’t like me breaking the law ever since I got caught seven years ago.”

Oliver doesn’t say anything, simply turning to walk away.

“Ollie, wait,” she calls.  When he comes back to her, she demands, “At least tell me what the job is.  For old time’s sake.”

It’s at that point Oliver knows he has her.  Leaning over, he whispers the details in her ear before passing her a card.

She doesn’t even examine it before slipping it into the top of her dress.  “I’ll see you then, Ollie,” Sara promises.

“Thought you might change your mind.”

10. Roy Harper

As Oliver watches the kid on the subway pull the third wallet in thirty minutes, Oliver has to admit he’s damn good.  He only needs ten members to make this work, and this kid isn’t it.  He needs an explosives expert, not a pickpocket.  But if he did, he’d need that kid.  Maybe he needs eleven.

Hell, there isn’t much difference between 15 million and 14.5 million.

Oliver scribbles a note on a card of a local restaurant before slipping it into the kid’s pocket when he jostles him.

Thirty minutes later, the kid shows up, pulling the hood of his red jacket down.  He looks mostly pissed off, but maybe that’s just his face.  He drops the card on the table.  “You take my lifts again, and I’m going to steal everything you own,” the kid says.

“I have five grand and a subway card to my name,” Oliver replies.  He holds up the wallets the kid pulled.  “But I’m not here to start a fight.  I’m here to offer you a job.”  He tilts his head to the side.  “If you don’t want it, you’re welcome to keep feeling up stockbrokers.”

Oliver places an airline ticket down on the table, his hand covering it.  “I’m Oliver Queen.  What’s your name, kid?”

“Roy,” he offers slowly.  “Roy Harper.”

“You ever pulled a heist before, Roy?”

“No.”

“Do you want to?” Oliver asks.

“Anything to get out of Central City,” Roy says flatly.

Oliver grins.  “That’s the spirit.”  He taps the ticket on the table.  “This can be yours if you want it.  It’s a big job.  Fifteen million is the expected payoff.  If you think you’re ready.”

A waitress calls to him, and Oliver orders drinks for both of them.

“Starling City, huh?” Roy asks.  When Oliver turns, the ticket is in the kid’s hands.

“That’s the best lift I’ve seen you make all day,” Oliver declares.

Roy smirks.  “That’s not even my best.”

11. Felicity Smoak

Oliver watches as the SCPD officers pull the three of them out of the bank, alarms still blaring.  The first two men look like garden variety bank robbers, but the third is a small woman dressed all in black, blonde hair falling out of her ponytail.

Even as the local police escort her to the car, Oliver can hear her yelling, “Goddamn it!  You had one job to do!  One!  Job!”  She scurries forward to kick one of them in the ass.  The large man stumbles and grunts, nearly taking the tiny police officer down to the ground with him.  “You’re supposed to be professionals!  Professionals, my ass!”

Oliver glances to his right, arching an eyebrow at Digg.  “This is our option for munitions?” he asks.

“You asked me who I’d use,” Digg replies.  “I’d use Basher.  Best explosives expert in the world who isn’t afraid to get their hands dirty on the wrong side of the law.”  He tilts his head to the side.  “There’s a little conflict of availability.”

“Jail tends to do that,” Oliver agrees.  After a long moment, he sighs.  “Which one is my guy?”

Diggle grins.  “Around five-six, blonde, and about to slaughter the other two.”  Oliver’s eyebrows shoot up.  “Her real name is Felicity Smoak.  Wanted in twelve states and five countries.  Likes to blow things up.”

“I may have noticed that,” Oliver replies, having watched her beautiful charge go off on the security feeds.  “She’s good.  Unpredictable, but good.”

“The best,” Digg corrects.  “They call her ‘Basher’ because of a job she pulled in London.  Blew a hole in a Russian embassy vault and made out with all their classified documents.”  He shakes his head.  “The charge caved in the safe, like someone had bashed the door in.  Ransomed the documents back to the Russian government.  Someone told me she made over five billion rubles on that job.”

“Can’t put a price on information,” Oliver replies before crossing the street.

Hogging up to the officer holding her, Oliver adjusts his coat over his suit.  All he has to do is flash the fake ATF badge to get across the line.

As he’s walking up, the young officer asks her, “Do you have any more explosives on your person?”

A dangerous glint appears in her eyes as her pink lips twist into a flirty smile.  “Only one way to find out,” she replies.  She leans in closer to him.  “Careful, though.  You might lose a hand.”

“That isn’t Miss Smoak’s style,” Oliver cuts in smoothly.  Both of them turn to him at once as he flashes his badge.  “Peck.  ATF.”

“Great, another fed,” Felicity remarks with the roll of her eyes.  “At least you’ll be nice to look at when you’re questioning me for hours.”

Barely biting back on a grin, Oliver continues.  “Let me guess what she did this time:  simple G4 mainliner, back-wound.  Quick fuse with a drag under twenty feet.”

“That sounds about right,” the officer replies.

“We’ve had a warrant out on this one for a long time,” Oliver says.  “We need to check for any more explosives.”  He grabs her by the shoulder, turning her and bending her over the hood of the squad car.

“I don’t mind playing rough,” she says, “but at least buy a girl a drink first.”

Trying his best to ignore her and stick to the script, Oliver says to the other officer.  “It’s probably best if we get my partner to search her,” he suggests.  “Look for Briggs.  Can’t miss her.”

“Who?” the local cop asks.

“Just find her!” Oliver insists.

The minute the cop is out of earshot, he leans over the top of her, slipping some items from his jacket into her hands.  “Felicity Smoak?  I’m Oliver Queen.”

She turns to him with a grin.  “I know who you are,” she assures him with a roll of her eyes.  “Everyone in this business knows your name and face.”

“For right now, I’d settle with a distraction,” he admits.  Unlocking her handcuffs with a lockpick, he asks, “How soon can you put something together with what I just gave you?”

“Done,” is her answer.

“Pretend you’re still cuffed and come with me,” Oliver says.

He leads her by the shoulder out of the crime scene.  “So why are you helping me?” Felicity asks.

Oliver smiles down at her.  “I’m running a heist and I need a munitions expert.  I’m told you’re the best.  It’s a heist that--”

“I’m in,” she says.

“I haven’t even told you the score yet.”

“Don’t care,” Felicity assures him with the wave of her hand.  “I’m rich and bored.”  She smiles at him, the kind of smile that makes his insides do funny things.  “All I want is to work with some experienced criminals again, and your reputation precedes you.”  She slips her arm through his.  “I’m in.”

They’re about twenty feet away when he turns to find smoke pouring out of the top of one police car.  There’s screaming just before an explosion.  The police car she planted it on goes up, but four more in the vicinity turn into balls of flame.

Felicity cackles as she turns back to watch it.  “They weren’t expecting that shit!” she crows to Oliver.  Cupping her hands around her mouth, she calls to her former partners, “You boys have fun rotting in prison!”

She turns back to Oliver, grinning from ear to ear.  “So where are we going?”

“Starling City.”

“What’s the job?”

“Casino heist.  Take is fifteen million.”

“Casino heist?” she repeats.  “I’ve never done one of those before.”

“No one has ever successfully robbed a major casino in this country,” Oliver points out.

"Depends what you call a robbery,” Felicity corrects.  “If by ‘robbing’ you mean ‘counting cards all night until you win ten million in Vegas,’ then technically I’ve robbed a casino.”  She releases a longing sigh.  “God, I miss Vegas.”

“Surely you can afford to fly,” Oliver points out.

“I can,” she assures him.  “I’m banned.”

Oliver does a double-take.  “How the hell do you get banned from an entire city?“

“I won over ten million dollars,” she reiterates.  Felicity grins.  “From each casino on the strip.  “Didn’t go over well.”

She pats his shoulder as they meet up with Diggle.  “Come on.  Let’s go make history.”

[therapy101]

1. I apologise in advance bc I think I will word this terribly - I am very sleep deprived atm. I remember asks you have answered in the past about being a young woman working as a clinical psychologist, going through that education process, and how you can be perceived bc of this by clients, colleagues, bosses, etc. ? How there are some challenges compared to males in equivalent positions? Why do you think it is like this? Just bc of the same sexism we face all the time, every day, anyway? I’m

2. not yet a post graduate, but I have had so many people tell me over the years that while I am “very intelligent”, I’m “too beautiful” to become a psychologist. I have A LOT of issues with this statement. Some of those are 1. How many men have been told they are “too handsome” for this? 2. It disregards what I WANT to do, what I believe I will be ABLE to successfully do, and the way I feel I will be able to make a difference. It is really devaluing to every other quality I have. 3. It is also

3. really rude towards women working in this profession already ?!?! 4. I just think, okay so because you think I’m too beautiful to pursue higher education and work in this area, I should do something where I am judged solely on my appearance? Also, I don’t remember asking for your opinion ? (*I am going to stop bc I could write a very long list here*) These comments have come from friends, strangers, dates, professors, class mates, other health professionals, family. Men and women. Sometimes

4. it upsets me, but mostly it motivates me even more. In a more generalised way though, it mostly upsets me bc I am so tired of this being how we are seen as women. What we are judged by, more than anything else. This became a bit of a rant, sorry. How do you deal with this? Or how do you suggest dealing with it? I used to try to respond politely but not passively to what I see wrong with this comment, but it has been years and I am so tired that I don’t even know how to reply anymore.

5. The idea of going into post grad and then working while still having to deal with this, still having to prove myself, is so sad.

(I think anon is referring to this post. I also like this post on this topic. If you search ‘sexism’ there are some other relevant posts).

hi anon, I’m sorry to hear this. I agree- it’s very invalidating and devaluing. 

I do think that generalized misogyny impacts women with any professional ambitions, across disciplines, but that there is often more impact on women who are pursuing careers assumed to belong to men, like STEM careers and academia. Like- people often think I’m a nurse or maybe a social worker, because women are supposed to be in caring roles that are supervised by men (in this case MDs and PhDs). I think that young women experience this more in some ways- maybe because that’s the stage where female beauty is the most valued by society. In the last 2 years- since I got my degree -I’ve had way fewer gross comments like the ones you’ve had. I think it’s because having the degree gives me a legitimacy that’s harder to ignore, and because I’m no longer an early 20s woman. I also am at a different institution that is more aware of these kinds of issues, with more female leadership. So in that sense, I waited it out and it got better. Hopefully that’ll happen for you too.

When it does happen, I tend to either ignore it or respond politely but clearly in opposition, depending on my mood/ability to engage at that moment. The other thing I’ve done is start to respond to more system level assumptions or blindspots by people (usually men) in my field, which is something that’s easier to do when you have more status (in this case a degree). But that doesn’t mean you can’t do it, particularly with people who don’t have supervisory power over you. I don’t think there’s a perfect way to handle it. take care :)

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